Why Remus And Tonks Are Perfect For Each Other
My best definition for them is that Remus and Tonks are two sides of the same coin. They are completely opposites, but with a similarity, a connection linking them together.
She is loud and he is quiet. She is talkative and he reserved. She is clumsy and he is careful. She is optimistic and he is pessimist. She makes pig snouts and he has prematurely grey hair. She is idealistic and he is a pragmatic. She wants to show off and he just wants to blend in. This last item is clear when he hides his scars and you see the kind of clothes and hair she chooses to wear. I could go on and on here, but I believe it’s enough to make my point. They complete each other.
However, what makes me love them the most it’s not the clear case of “opposites attract”, but how they are alike.
Tonks’s abilities and Remus’s condition have allowed them one thing in common that is essential to their relationship. They have learnt to see the heart of a person and not just the outside.
To run away from the cliché of saying that they saw each other’s insides and didn’t care about the outside, I’ll use a different character to prove my point here, Harry.
“Can you learn how to be a metamorphmagus?” – Harry in OotP
“Bet you wouldn’t mind hiding that scar sometimes, eh?” – Tonks in OotP
She immediately understands why he wanted to change his appearance because she knows how he feels, she knows how it is to want to be seen past your looks and wish to be seen from what you really are in the inside. The first thought of the majority of the people, including myself here, would be to think that he wanted to become a metamorphmagus because it would be cool to change the colour of your hair every other day or something like that when he truly just wants to be seen as a normal teenager who has a horrid past, but came out of it.
Remus’s lycanthropy allows him to understand that in the same way. He’s able to see past James’s looks in Harry and see Lily inside of him, much more than James. Sirius, on the other hand, looks at Harry and still holds onto the fact that somehow he is James alive, he has his best friend once again. You know how they always say that the eyes are windows to your soul, well, Harry’s soul is much more like Lily’s than James’s and Remus knows that.
A metamorphmagus and a werewolf are essentially shape-shifters, they are not what they look like. Neither of them have a choice. You could argue that she could chose not to morph, but I don’t think so. Before she even is aware of her abilities, she had already changed.
“Andromeda says Tonks’s hair started changing colour the day that she was born.” – Remus in DH
He hides himself from the world every full moon because of what he might do and how he looks and I don’t think she knows how her real face looks like. Her ability allows her to change her appearance at her will. An important part here that you all need to understand is that it doesn’t have a swift with which she could turn on the metamorphmagus’ ability or turn it off whenever she wanted to. She morphs herself to what she wants and then morphs back. Each time she uses it, she moves away from how her real self looks like. Ask yourself, would you be able to change your face to the exactly way it was once it was different? And once that difference had lasted long enough, would you know how your face ought to look like after you’ve grown?
In my way of seeing it, she chooses her appearance to reflect her personality and who she really is because her body doesn’t matter to her. Despite this, she still isn’t completely comfortable with her body. She is always dropping things, tripping or knocking down something. Her body isn’t the same for a time long enough for her to get used to it and as it is always changing, so is her gravity which makes her clumsy.
Remus and Tonks are one of a kind, she says that metamorphmagi are extremely rare, most people haven’t heard of one before and how many werewolves do you know that tried to live away from their equals? They are outcasts and J. K. Rowling makes it really clear how the wizarding society treats the outcasts.
Even though she doesn’t show anything about Tonks’s ability having a negative effect on how the society sees her (though, just like Remus, we only see her through the eyes of the Order), I don’t believe that most people would look at a pink haired girl with her kind of clothes and take her seriously, she would need to prove herself. And I believe she likes it because once the respect is won, it would be really unlikely to lose it.
On the other hand, we all know how Lupin’s lycanthropy affects his life, we don’t hear him talking about a job ever since he left the Defense Against the Dark Arts position and he makes really clear how most people treats him when they found out what he is.
“And I’m not a very popular dinner guest with most of the community. It’s an occupational hazard of being a werewolf.” – Remus in OotP
“You have only seen me amongst the Order, or under Dumbledore’s protection at Hogwarts! You don’t know how most of the Wizarding world sees creatures like me! When they know of my affliction, they can barely talk to me!” – Remus in DH
So, we all know, how his past wasn’t easy, but hers can’t have been easy either. Her mother’s side of the family were basically pureblood fanatics that, if they weren’t Death Eaters, probably had some connection with the Dark Lord. Now, we don’t know how her father’s side is, but if there were cousins, she couldn’t have been in touch with the muggles due to her ability and she would still need to live with the fact that she prevented her father of living a life with his relatives because of her.
So, probably the only relative she is in touch with is Sirius. I know a lot of people don’t think they knew each other before the Order, but…
“Her mother, Andromeda, was my favourite cousin.” – Sirius in OotP
I do think that if your favourite cousin has a baby, you’ll get to know the kid; it’s only natural, especially if you have followed her footsteps and turned your back on the rest of the family. And we all know how close the Marauders were. I’d be surprised if Tonks didn’t know Remus, Peter, James and Lily back then; of course she wouldn’t remember much.
Then, when she’s just a child, he goes to prison, accused of betraying his best friend, selling him to Voldemort. She must’ve felt so confused and probably didn’t believe when she was told of what he did, but later, after years of people saying the same thing, she is forced to admit it, though, probably there were always some doubt deep down there. She goes to Hogwarts only three years after the incident, do you honestly think that no one ever said something? Accused her of something? Knowing that she is related to the man who was supposed to be responsible for James’, Lily’s, Peter’s and a dozen of muggle’s deaths?
Later, she decides to become an auror. And again she must’ve had to deal with the fact that she is related to the mass murderer. It can’t have been easy. She had to prove herself once again. And she did it amazingly well, considering the fact that Mad Eye Moody, the auror who filled half of the cells in Azkaban, becomes her mentor and makes her, his protégée.
Deep down, Tonks needs stability. Her family (apart from her parents) is as far from that as possible. Her own job alternates from incredibly boring days at the office filling paperwork with exciting missions on the field. Not even her own body is ever the same. And Remus fills that gap perfectly, he treats her kindly, he likes her because of her personality because of who she really is, she knows that even though he is a werewolf, things will never change, he will always be the same, he will always turn during the full moon, he will always be there when she arrives home and she needs that.
What she brings to him is something that he doesn’t have since the Marauders, she makes him feel liked again (J. K. Rowling said that Lupin’s flaw is that he liked to be liked), she makes him feel young again, she teaches him to let go off of things, she allows him to be somewhat reckless and not to care about the consequences.
“I-I made a grave mistake in marrying Tonks. I did it against my better judgment and I have regretted it very much ever since.” – Remus in DH
He acted recklessly, he didn’t think of what was going to happen because he was with her. He regretted because he didn’t act like he always did, thinking things through before acting. Of course, the perspective of his son being born brings it all back to him and she needs to remind him again that she doesn’t care, all she needs is for him to be with her, to love her and let her love him.
And now, I’ve heard a lot of people saying that this ship came out of nowhere in HBP, but excuse me, this is not true. Tonks and Remus are often seen standing side by side, Harry caught them whispering to each other in OotP, Remus moves in to the Grimmauld and she is always there, spending afternoons with them, Tonks and Remus are the ones to escort the kids back to Hogwarts after the Christmas break. They are obviously more comfortable around each other than any other member of the Order.
Tonks stood just behind him, her bright bubble-gum-pink hair gleaming in the sunlight filtering through the dirty glass of the station ceiling, wearing heavily patched jeans and a bright purple T-shirt bearing the legend The Weird Sisters. Next to Tonks was Lupin, his face pale, his hair greying, a long and threadbare overcoat covering a shabby jumper and trousers. – OoTP
J. K. Rowling even first presentation of them are very similar, Remus produces a patronus and Tonks lights up her wand.
Even before the Hospital Wing scene, when we all finally understand what was going on, the author offers us a few leads. Molly trying to convince Tonks to stay for dinner by telling her that Remus will be around, Tonks’s patronus, Snape saying that it was weak, Molly glaring at Remus when she tells him that Tonks will spend Christmas alone, Remus stuttering when Harry tells him that Tonks’s patronus changed. I’m sorry, but I don’t see this as bringing a couple together out of nowhere.
If this wasn’t enough for you to understand how beautiful this pairing is, I don’t see what will. If, by now, I didn’t manage to turn you into a Remadora shipper, I probably won’t, but I still have one last resource.
The last thing is the only one that I know it was unintentional. The M for metamorphmagus and the W for werewolf are essentially letters as Remus and Tonks are essentially shape-shifters. However, they are completely opposites, just like Remus and Tonks. If you turn one upside down, you’ll have the other.
In other words, you can’t have an M without having a W.
