A Room Apart, As It Were

I think a lot of people misunderstand why enemies to lovers is so popular. It’s quickly become one of the most pervasive tropes in many novels. Is it the banter, the tension? That’s definitely part of it. But if that were true, then friends-to-lovers and literally any romance with good dialogue and characterization would scratch the same itch. For some, it does, but for many…enemies-to-lovers just hits different. 

My theory is that it isn’t actually about love, not really. I think it fulfils a fantasy that no other trope can provide: the fantasy of being seen as an equal. 

Think about what specifically makes someone an enemy in fiction. It’s not just someone the MC dislikes, it’s someone who can affect them in tangible ways, maybe even have the power to ruin them, challenge their worldview, expose their weaknesses, etc. The relationship begins with conflict because the characters are fundamentally opposed in some way. It doesn’t matter why, but they’re fighting. There is a struggle for dominance. 

I would argue that the most impactful enemies-to-lovers moments are never the romantic moments, they’re the scenes where power shifts. They BOTH lose: they’re forced into a position that would have horrified them at the beginning of the story. They end up needing (or wanting) each other. 

That’s why I think people are often disappointed when a supposed enemies-to-lovers story turns out to be a milquetoast attempt where they’re just kinda mean to each other for a few pages, and then immediately start making out. Where’s the risk, the actual threat? If the characters aren’t capable of genuinely affecting one another, then the relationship isn’t actually transforming in a satisfying way. The appeal is in the fact that they have power over each other, because the eventual trust they build requires real surrender.

Because here’s the thing about enemies; they pay attention, and usually more attention than anyone else. They notice weaknesses because they’re actively looking for them, they notice strengths because they need to account for them. They notice habits, blind spots, ambitions, fears. 

They study the MC with a level of scrutiny that borders (and later crosses) intimate, but unlike friends (or supporting characters in the MC’s corner) they’re not willing to give them the benefit of the doubt, they don’t overlook flaws out of affection. Which is exactly what makes the eventual romance so satisfying. It feels earned. 

It’s easy to imagine being loved by someone who sees the best version of you, but it’s an entirely different thing to be loved by someone who has seen you at your worst. That’s why this dynamic often feels more convincing than romances where the characters are immediately into each other.

I imagine there are many who go through life feeling misunderstood, or worse, that the people who love them only love the polished, perfect version they present to the world, almost like impostor syndrome. But what if there was someone who couldn’t be fooled by this carefully constructed image? 

When someone more powerful chooses someone, maybe the fantasy is protection. When it’s someone less powerful, the fantasy might be admiration. But if there’s someone intelligent and observant enough to see the MC as an equal, the fantasy there is the most intense and honest validation. 

There's generally going to be rooms dedicated to and build for warmth, the living quarters, both for nobles and their servants. This will be the central living tower, or parts of it called a Kemenate (literally 'room with a stove'), the great hall and work spaces around the kitchen. You can put the Kemenate on top of the hall to catch the big fires' and daily living's heat through the wooden floor, but you often can't put wooden stuff on top of the kitchens (that's a fire risk). If you have the money and space, you build a whole separate comfy place for living because you don't have to stay in the most defensible part of the castle all the time. These separate living buildings are also called Kemenate and are often build from wood, cob, brick etc.

People used to wear much more clothes indoors, including while sleeping, and those clothes were much thicker and sturdier than what we largely wear today. Every time you think of how cold those stone walls are, think about everyone wearing a linen shift + two-ish layers of wool on all body parts except hands and head + stockings and shoes + some kind of head-covering. In Ye Old Middle Ages, women are probably wearing a wimple, which is kind of like a modern Hijab in terms of coverage. People wear shifts, socks, and a head-covering to bed.

I think people used to radiators also really underestimate how much a large open fire/tiled stove heats up a room. Also, middle and northern Europe (as well as parts of Northern China) had and to this day have beds and benches build into tiled and cob stoves. Those fuck.

Beds are enclosed so you stay warm in them, either by curtains, in wall niches or with wood. There's also a type of bed that's inside a chest (like a coffin) so you can stuff your stuff inside during the day and put down the lid to use it as a bench. That's also another reason for people to always sleep in groups. Depending on the era, one of the jobs of a lady's maid or a retainer might literally be warming their master's bed. In early times and among servants, people also sleep in large groups in rooms together in general even outside a farming context, often with animals like pet dogs, too, which further warms everything up.

Walls are not bare, cold stone, but covered with a layer of plaster or cob, tiles or wooden panels, sometimes layered, and believe me, this makes such a difference. Source: I lived in a Ye Olde German Farmhouse with 70 cm thick stone walls and flag stone floor and all that converted to modern flats for a while.

On top of that you hang tapestries on the wall, which are not like modern printed cloth but basically wall rugs, sometimes several inches thick, and rugs or rushes (like a light cover of hay) on the floor on top of stone, tile, wooden panelling or a cob floor cover that goes over the heave flag stone. Pillows and blankets on all sitting surfaces, often on top of panelling (in the case of benches build into the stone). The roof of a room is also tiled, panelled or plastered. Upper stories will generally have wooden floors. Stories in a tower heat each other upwards, so the nicer rooms are further up.

The inner stone walls of a castle, even if stone and very thick, will heat up a few degrees in comparison to the outside walls if the castle is continually heated/lived in, and also trap heat inside, and this will make a difference. Inner walls might also be thinner and made of wood, cob or brick. You're defending against the outside, after all.

You put stuff in the windows. Holy shit. Screens of wood, horn, cloth or leather/hide, often treated for extra insulation. Why are these fantasy castles all so drafty.

At some point Genly says that someone (himself?) was wearing a winter hieb with long sleeves so I imagined they have summer ones with short sleeves. And I think the hieb is like a medieval tunic that goes down to mid tights, in some sort of fleece or corduroy fabric, and the winter one is layered with fur inside. This is the piece of clothing I have clearer in my mind. Except I can't figure out where the pocket is.

Maybe knitfur is some kind of mohair? All fluffy and super soft and light? I dunno I just placed my part of the fight. So hope someone disagrees with me for op's sake.

And I can't for the love of me imagine the difference between Karhidish breeches and Orgoreyn leggins. I think breeches are more baggy while leggins are more tight all the way down...?

Okay, then shirts. Are shirts open in front with a lot of buttons? Or are they pulled on from above your head? And yes, I think they must have some sort of tee-shirt under shirts, but then sometimes Estraven wears only a shirt... Shirts confuse me, I never know how to draw them. Usually I imagine them a thick cotton fabric, they are pulled on like a t-shirt but also the collar opens a bit, and the collar is "korean style".

One problem: what goes between the shirt and the hieb? I imagine in summer nothing. In winter maybe a knitted sweater of some kind. What does it look like? Is this the knitfur piece, light and super warm or is it a heavy knitted piece? I think in the tent Genly keeps his on and Estraven takes it off and stays only with his shirt.

Second problem: what does the coat look like? I cannot imagine the coat. Is it longer or shorter than the hieb? Does it look like leather or does it look like a technical quilted jacket? They probably have both... What did they wear in Karhide? And on the ice?

Since we are given that the sea life gets…bigger than any terrestrial fauna, I do wonder if fish leather could also explain what summer hiebs might be made out of: waterproof over layer to keep the rain out. (Course, then it would suck ass for any layering outside of summer, so….maybe not)

old vers of the post under the cut:

it’s overplayed. feet are sexy because they’re tender and sensitive, yet hidden and neglected. a few minutes of loving massage can make your lover’s feet feel incredible, and they’re ticklish too. that’s sexy, don’t you see? anal is sexy because it feels really good and leaves the bottom’s genitals free. blowjobs are sexy because you can take someone’s most sensitive place into your mouth and swallow a part of them.

We can only milk taboo and submission for content so long before it gets to be alienating. are we still playing with power dynamics or can we feel each other’s bodies?

There’s no physical touch over the internet. There’s no falling asleep in each other’s arms. There’s no language of lovers built through repeated intimacy and trust. No smell of your lover’s hair.