speak up, and keep my conscience clean when i wake

Day 3 – In the Calling

They say the sun comes for her calling And I wonder if she’s scared Peeks her eyes over the horizon before showing the world her face I know I am afraid So many mistakes I’ve paid for that I didn’t commit and still I’m here on the precipice Trying to find my way wondering what you’ll leave me with when all is said and done When the scars fade But my boots feel familiar and my hair never…

Day 29 – Forward, Again

It wouldn’t be the first time I had to do the hard thing Lead the way So I realize I have grown used to doing it The world looks to me to do because they know I will I can I field softballs on a Monday evening in Central Park I learn to live again and again against the trees that bloom so much more beautifully these days I wonder why my body moves so easy in the dirt and the grasses Why…

Day 28 – Curveball

I’ve stood in the batter’s box A long time, swinging all over the zone And I’ve learned to hit your breaking pitches Fastballs up and in I can only strike out so much before the inning is finally over And I know the last thing you want to do is relinquish the pitcher’s mound when you have to, but it’s my turn to put on the worn leather that’s been mine before you and is mine long after this…

Day 27 – Move Along

Once I watched the train on New Years I’ve traded in bean boots for heels Because I’ve learned to walk in them over grates and into the night The sparkles in my eyes feel right I feel like myself in a city full of lights I know the winds change and I await a change too, know whatever comes I’ll meet it like I always have – And always will.

Day 26 – An Ode to the Flowers of Bed-Stuy and Crown Heights

I have walked these streets to know The cherry blossoms bloom in April Roses by end of May And in the heat of mid July the sunflowers come back to wink at me from a thousand stoops of North Brooklyn – Seasons change, and yet, somehow out of the sidewalks we grow.

Day 25 – Steadfast

They say there is a magic number For friendship How after just so many years those hoops of steel appear to keep two people together But I like our bond better Your hands and mine, stretching out to find each other over again across rivers and roads Just out of reach but still there to hold on to in the moments of life, to stay always, a little longer I am glad for this thing we built…

Day 24 – Thoughts from Atlantic Avenue-Barclays Center

I haven’t written, I realize watching the 2 train pull into the station headed for Brooklyn College I fixed my charging cord with electricians tape I keep in my toolbox for such occasions And wait for a local to Kingston Avenue Life feels so tired these days One train after another rolling into the night I push forward and walk home looking to see if the stars are still above my head in all…

Day 23 – Hope Street

I grew up in a house That looked the same as the house next door And all the houses on the block So I watched And I searched for the warped floors And wrapped porches Roofs and colors and the changing leaves That would make my window, somehow match.

Day 22 – Christmas Morning in Crown Heights

Sometimes you can hear the Long Island Railroad on Atlantic Avenue from my block I drop off laundry and wander in to the quiet I’ve missed it A silent city exhaling The birds outside the window making peace with the sirens A gentle snow that falls over the streets As we breathe In, out.

Day 21 – We Already Know

There is no saying goodbye I wish there was I will listen to songs and close my eyes against shining fall sun and know our paths might have been together, once But I have to walk my own You made me feel whole for a moment there, in the twilight under the lights But the sun comes up on Brooklyn and I don’t know if you still love me in the morning I guess now there’s no need to say what we…

Day 20 – An Ode to the Label on the Waistband on a Pair of Jeans

I am marked By all the ways I’ve stretched and grown Shrunk and expanded into myself Moved and walked and swam and breathed and lifted this body through life Maybe, I am beautiful for having the evidence.

Day 19 – Thoughts After a Long Day

Some nights  I just need to come home to my little studio And my big cat Watch the snow shine on the fire escape, Stars I can finally see in a city that never sleeps Know my dreams came true somewhere along the road here.  

Day 18 – On The Shores

They say this is a season of happiness But I say it is a season of change  Winter turns to spring and the birds are louder on the early morning streets of Brooklyn, singing to the sun  My heart beats out like lines on a subway map and I pray for all the things to settle on us like cups of tea and blankets in a storm Wrap myself in resilience like the sand on the beaches I forget are just as…

Day 17 – Different

Sometimes it’s easy to be different  But mostly it isn’t  I walk home through Brooklyn thinking how I don’t really belong anywhere except a small studio with a cat  The dichotomies of how it feels to build your own spaces.  

Day 16 – Chained

They say the woman is chained And I never really knew what that meant Until now  That you wait for the moment the phone doesn’t ring those area codes Or a name doesn’t appear in your inbox The sudden fear growing in your stomach and overflowing into your heart, futile as outrunning a bad dream, Clouds in the sky on the sunniest spring days  The voice on the message slowing time to…

Day 15 – The Way I Wished I Had Walked Away

Someday, I will go back Laugh in every place I’ve cried  Until my body shakes and I can’t tell happiness from relief Until I pause to smile and push my hair behind my ears again, my glasses up my nose  My heart open and wild and sure,  This time, it’s me who chooses the end.

Day 14 – I Think About Saying Goodbye

I think about saying goodbye  All the things I’ve loved and lost in life across the years  I like to choose to walk away these days  Let the dead things go  But it’s hard to see past the color of the leaves until they fall I know it’s right, this winter will melt into spring sooner than I believe Time will turn  Maybe I have to accept I’ve done my best  I think about saying goodbye.