Goal Digger 🍃

“Long distance is not easy. It is not easy to watch someone through a screen instead of your eyes tracing the curves of their face while they’re standing in front of you. It’s not easy to have a bad day and not be able to see one of the only people that can make it better. For something exciting to happen and not be able to celebrate about it that night. To not be able to have brunch on Sunday morning, or make dinner plans for when you get off work, or snuggle up together on the couch for one of the nights a tv show comes on that you both love. Sometimes you miss them so much and it’s like you can’t get relief from it. Sure, you plan times to see each other but some nights are bad and you need them right now and you need to touch them or you’ll die and your heart has never felt so lonely. Long distance is not easy but one day it will be worth it. One day you’ll live in a cute apartment together where you can wake up next to each other and fuck each other to sleep and a see you later means see you tonight when we get off and it’s time for dinner. Long distance is a choice. It’s a commitment to say, “I love you more than all of the distance between us.””

Ways to Love Yourself 1. Know yourself You cannot love someone you don’t even know. 2. Accept that you have strengths and weaknesses. You have skills and problems. Do a SWOT Analysis (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats) of yourself if you want but remember, opportunities and threats are external. You don’t have control over them. But you can use your strengths and improve on your weaknesses, both of which are internal, to handle the external. 3. Disliking certain things about yourself is normal. That gives room for improvement. Improve. Don’t be lazy and choose the path of self loathing. 4. Forgive yourself Understand that making mistakes is the way to grow. If you hadn’t fallen on your bum a couple hundred times you would have never learned to walk. If as a baby after one fall, after one mistake of breaking something, you would have decided to just sit in the corner and never try again, you would still be sitting there with the broken pieces. Don’t do that. Learn from your toddler self. Get up. And the only way you can do that is by forgiving yourself. 5. Accept that as of now you do not love yourself. Lying to yourself won’t eventually lead you to believe it as the truth. Lying to someone you love is not a way to love them. 6. Disregard what others say about you. So much of the good and bad they tell you really has more to do with themselves; their mindset and mood, their motives and interest. Don’t let people fill in blanks for you. That won’t lead to a happy ending, it won’t lead to a story you can call your own. 7. Be patient with yourself, be kind. Being hard on yourself is a really stupid thing to do. It isn’t productive, it isn’t one bit effective and it is completely unnecessary. 8. Discard the idea that you are breakable. Reject the concept that someone can leave you broken. They can hurt you, yes and they can cause you an immense amount of pain but they cannot break you. You aren’t made of glass. Give your cells a little more credit. Give your heart a little more of it too. 9. When you realize that the grass is greener on the other side, don’t draw up plans to ruin that grass or come up with a way where you can camp on it and abandon your own grass. Instead, take a trip to the shop to buy some fertilizer and tend to your own grass. Upskill yourself constantly. 10. Learn new things. Invest time and energy in things that interest you.You didn’t learn to play piano in school but always wished to? Who said there is an age limit. In most cases the saying, ‘it is never too late’ stands absolutely true. 11. Look yourself in the mirror. You can admire or just observe. Look into your eyes. Look at your reflection. Just look. Have a see in what’s inside. Don’t look away. Have the courage to see the truth. 12. Spend time with yourself. Buy yourself flowers if flowers are what you love. Don’t wait to meet the right person to do the things you always wanted to. Go star gazing, skinny dipping. Solo travel. Do whatever you want to and can. Write your future/past self a letter. Cook yourself a meal. Buy yourself some ice cream. Click goofy selfies. 13. Learn to accept compliments. Be graceful. All you have to do is say ‘thank you’. And please don’t feel the immediate need of returning the compliment. You don’t always have to give when you get. Especially when you don’t really have anything to give. A ‘thank you’ and a smile are more than enough. 14. Learn to be okay in silence. The voices in your head? They terrorize you, I know. But trust me, they go away. They go away if you face them. There are no demons in your head. These are just echoes of your fears and insecurities. Listen to them. Breathe deep. Know that they are weak. Face them head on. And then ask them to leave. 15. Accept your body. However it is or it isn’t. It has accepted you in every possible way. Accept it and see how it accepts you even more. Accepting doesn’t mean not changing something that you can in a healthy way. It only means that your love is unconditional. Your love is whole. And that is the only way to love yourself. Wholly.

Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value.

Words have synonyms, but there’s none for you.

The ways in which I will love you 1. Truly I won’t keep writing cheesy love poems or keep complimenting you. I will say what I think and be verbal about things you can work on, about what I don’t particularly like because there will be somethings I won’t. 2. I will love you. Why? There will be no reason. Not any particular thing but you as a whole. So you can change and grow, you can progress and you can evolve. As long as you’re you at the core, you have all my love. 3. I will be open to exploring your interests. I may not care about sports but if that’s something you care about, I will ask you to teach me and I will sincerely learn and take interest. 4. Whatever path it may be, you won’t walk alone. On rainy days, I will share my umbrella and on windy days I will not make fun of your hair. On sunny ones I will share my ice cream and when your shoes are worn out, I will stop with you and help you fix them. Or wait until you find new ones that are just the right fit. 5. I will accept and try to love your crazy family as my own. I understand how complicated and unbelievable families can be but I do know the base is always love. 6. I will give you all my maps and some flashlights too so you can go on to explore parts of me I don’t display. There won’t be anything you will not know if you want to. I won’t let you read my diaries but I will let you read my soul. 7. I will step out of the goof closet I have been living in all my life and show you who I really am and make you laugh and smile and blush and yell. 8. I will say yes to adventure and to crazy sexual desires and have long lists of my very own I will like to explore with you. 9. I won’t cook or clean and I won’t be sorry about it. But I will keep your heart fed and the dark corners of your mind clean. 10. I won’t demand your phone/social media/bank passwords because all I really want is to look in your eyes and know what you’re thinking, to touch you and know what you’re feeling and to love a person I know as well and as little as myself. As little as myself is only stating the disregard for the expectations and standards of the society and people and the masks we are given to wear on every birthday. 11. I will love the lazy Sundays at home as well as all the days we forget what day of the week it is or what time it really is because we are lost in time zones, on airplanes and in between magic. 12. When we argue I will never not stay silent or keep anything on the inside. I will get it all out so that there is never anything ugly left to grow on the inside.

Behind every successful woman is a long line of people who didn’t believe she could do it. A long line of people she had to prove wrong.

Maybe if I compared you to vodka, I’d finally regret you name coming in contact with my tongue. If I compared you to fire, I’d finally stopped reaching for you in the middle of the night. If I compared you to weeds, I’d finally pluck you out of my life. If I stopped comparing you to everything beautiful in the world, I would finally stop romanticizing you, and all the pain you’ve ever caused me. Maybe, just maybe, I would finally learn how to stop loving you.

Homeless ever since I lost you.

Us: a story shorter than anticipated.

The saddest word in the English language is ‘almost’. We were almost something great. Came so close I could taste the promises of forever. Life was cruel to tempt me with something I could never have. We were almost happy. Came so close that I couldn’t tell my laughter apart from yours. It was just me though, you heard silence in between the laughs. We were almost in love. Came so close that I could envision our entire future laid out in front of us. Turns out it was a dream. Or a nightmare. They’re closer than you think. We almost made it. Came so close that in the days and months after I kept replaying the story of us. Obsessed with the idea that I could have said or done something more so that our story would never end.

I think the strongest prayer I’ve ever prayed is a single phrase I declared with complete honesty: God, I have no idea what you’re doing, but I trust you.

Every disappointment. Every wrong. Even every closed door has helped make you into who you are.

Righteousness isn’t about knowing Bible verses and acting holy. Righteousness is about finding Jesus, grasping the hem of His garment, and never letting go.

I’m not everything I want to be, but I’m more than I was, and I’m still learning.