The Bridge Chicago

I need to some therapy for anxiety and other issues. Would choosing a counselor who is able to help with these things and also offers Christian counseling be a good option? I'm afraid of getting legalistically biblical guidance that will make things worse. Is this a valid concern?

I answered:

First of all- congratulations on deciding to get help! That is an awesome step that takes courage and faith and we are super proud of you!

Now to your question. Your concern is completely valid. 

Feeling like a therapist gets where you are coming from can be an important part of cultivating the trust and good communication that makes for a productive experience. Some people find having a therapist who is familiar with or shares their faith background is a positive in that sense. Others don’t want a therapist or counselor who focuses on that for exactly the reasons you describe in your question.

Neither of those are right or wrong. It is about finding what works for you. That might mean trying counselors and seeing who you click with, and that is perfectly okay too.

Christian or not, it is important that you have a counselor you feel comfortable with. It is also important that you have one who is qualified. There is a big difference between someone who has done the appropriate education and training who happens to be Christian and someone who just uses a term like “Christian counselor”. 

I don’t care if they how Christian they are, I want my doctor to have the proper training and licensure. The same goes for mental health professionals.

I recently had a loss very dear to me. I expected to grieve heavily, but I don't feel like I am at all. No tears or underlying sadness unless I stop everything and sit and actively think about them. I hate this, I want to miss them and love them though they are gone, but I have nothing.

I should include there was a time where I grieved very long and hard over a breakup. I cried everyday for almost 2 years. Then it got to a point where I couldn't anymore. It just stopped. This seems similar except I'm not grieving at all. Help?

Also, you can answer on Say That if you want, I listen each week :)

I answered:

I’m very sorry for your loss. It sounds like you are concerned that because you aren’t grieving your friend in the way you though you would, it means something is wrong with you or that you didn’t really care about them. I don’t think either of those things are true at all.

Grief is incredibly complicated. It doesn’t really work to say “I cried more about X than Y, so therefore X meant more to me.” There is just too much going on with grief to build it down to that. How grief hits us in the moment (and all the moments that reverberate from that first moment we hear the news) is a result of a wildly complex web of our emotions, what else is happening in our life at the time, physical energy levels, and almost infinite other factors. 

It doesn’t do any good to judge yourself for how you are grieving- not for your friend and certainly not for yourself. You have lived through an unprecedented couple of years that have produced a huge amount and strange relationship with grief for a lot of us. And, even if you hadn’t, it still wouldn’t be fair to yourself for judging your grief.

You say you want to miss and love your friend, I think that is missing and loving your friend. Even from just writing in this question. It is clear that you miss and love them. Whether you cry or don’t doesn’t define that. You sitting down and thinking about them is just as valid a form or grieving as not being able to stop crying. Just because one is more dramatic doesn’t mean it is more real.

SayThat 504 is up! We talk about knowing what you need but not how to get it, navigating personal ethical concerns, and people who are tough to love.

Plus we look at the latest in worship service tech: JETPACKS!

https://apple.co/2NKy1XT

https://sptfy.com/saythatpodcast

437- He Remembers What We’re Made Of

Song 1: Save Me From My Sins (Jed Brewer)

Song 2: I Am New

Sermon: Glen Fitzjerrell

Benediction: John 15:5 (The Poolhouse Guru)

https://apple.co/3ol9BAC

https://sptfy.com/bridgepodcast

The Bridge Loud 407 is up! Glen, Jed, and Matt give advice to a listener whose life is getting better, but that makes them worried everything is going to crash and burn.

https://apple.co/3iZbq5a

SayThat 503 is up! We answer questions about cultivating hope, the decision to have children, and having peace In a world that will have trouble.

PLUS: an emergency discovery of the surprising genre apparently propping up the Christian publishing industry.

https://apple.co/2NKy1XT

https://sptfy.com/saythatpodcast

The Bridge Loud 406 is up! Glen, Jed, and Matt give advice to a listener who wants to know how to not mess up their purpose in life.

https://apple.co/3iZbq5a