Living Like Larry

while it’s important to challenge social norms and methods, it shouldn’t be your primary speaking matter when women in other countries are out there dying and suffering due to the hands of men, you remain complicit with these acts with the “not my country not my problem” mentality.

i have to watch women in my family throw their futures away, not be safe in their country, get married as a form of protection and watch a hinduvita society continue to erupt and affect women in india. god forbid i don’t necessarily care about preaching to the choir of white women. 40 year old white women only think about themselves because again, the time they were raised in reflects their personal beliefs on people of color. any white person over the age of thirty looks at me with scorn or assumes i can’t speak english or assumes im stupid for being brown 🤷 this has nothing to do w female socialization.

ms. freakazoif, i’d like to start off by saying that you’re right and your frustration is understandable. radblr is a eurocentric space, tumblr in general is extremely white. radblr also incessantly talks about gender ideology, which can become repetitive if you’ve been here for long enough.

it’s difficult being a woman of color in all spaces. our experiences with misogyny are often diminished both globally (because we’re not white) and in our own communities (because we’re not men). it’s heartbreaking that in one of the few spaces where women are centered woc still feel othered. it’s something that radblr DOES need to work on. heavily.

my mom used to say this phrase to me that i think applies to this conversation, “you can walk and chew gum at the same time.”

it’s fine to be frustrated that these topics come up a lot, but to say that they don’t matter is untrue. we as radical feminists can discuss ALL of these issues. the radfem community is a collective, not a monolith. different members can focus on different things. a lot of the time, “white” issues like shaving and gender directly impact woc.

For example, I as a black woman have been called a man or man adjacent by gender ideologues. that issue affects me. i’ve seen south asian and hispanic women get mocked and dehumanized for not shaving their legs, arms, sideburns, etc. that matters. it may not matter much to you, specifically, but it still affects woc.

your frustration is understandable, like FAWK 😭 as a black radfem I GET IT‼️ it sucks here sometimes! women in non-western countries DO suffer more and are talked about less here and i hate that. but don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. you don’t have to disparage or discredit other groups of women or feminist ideas to get your point across.

i have to keep it short for now, but thank you for your perspective and reading this far. apologies if what i said was confusing or convoluted, i’m not the best writer. i love to see other woc in radblr and i hope we can talk more in the future.

fun fact, racism fucking gets us killed globally :) and your “har har men of color are soulless animals and worse than the average white man because of their barbaric culture” is rhetoric used to justify the exploitation, violation and destruction of our people. like as in genocide and mass murder. :) no us calling white men pigs is not a double standard because there is a power difference that comes with whiteness. :) for people so bent on defending trans women from muddying up the meaning of “intersectionality” and then staunchly refusing to engage with the actual politics of intersectional feminism—misogynoir especially.

A) tras are trying to group us with males.

B) popular culture discussion where famous black women are being derided for being too sexual.

these two things can and should be criticized! but when it’s a majority of the commentary on black womanhood on here it becomes a bit strange.

i understand that white women are the majority in the west and english-speaking communities, i just wish this community was a bit more welcoming to woc! (this place is great for female solidarity but when you have multiple top bloggers and top posts on radblr calling immigrants and people of color filthy animals you can see why woc would be less likely to engage here)

the glorification of white men threw me for a fucking loop though. and when confronted about how racist and male worship-y some of these comments were, they doubled down! like what kind of radical feminist defends men while disregarding her own sisters????? that’s when i started to realize a portion of this community were not radical feminists, they were just center-right wingers who got fed up with tra ideology.

it feels like you can never truly fit in and be respected when you’re a black women, even in communities where you expect safety the most :(

-Guys who will always end up asking me out and throwing a fit when I say no. Best case scenario they never speak to me again (as opposed to me needing to get a restraining order).

-Women who I have no interests in common with. We can hang out and relate to each other but ultimately everything they like is lost on me. I’ll totally go to a Sabrina Carpenter concert with you but I genuinely have never heard her music before and only vaguely know who she is. I don’t do nail salons I don’t wear makeup or do skincare.

-Lastly, female people who have all the same interests as me, but identify as trans and continually insist I must also be trans because women can’t have short hair and wear pants and like Star Wars. They refuse to call me she/her and repeatedly ask if I’m planning on taking T or getting top surgery, no matter how much I say I’m just a woman.

was on twitter checking in on radtwt. saw someone i followed retweeted this, calling Melissa an idiot. which is undeniably true. i wanna talk about this a bit more though.

this interaction just reminds me of rule ??? of misogyny, “whatever men do is women’s fault”

abused woman is showcased (for the second time btw, this is also the same woman who did the “sleeping with 100 men” experiment.) to be belittled by the public.

another woman then proceeds to claim that this single incident is justification for women’s suffering throughout history. like???? istg when you shake this woman’s head it sounds like a gumball machine with one piece left in it.

firstly, this is MEN. the sole reason why this video was made was for them. why blame women for men’s degeneracy? it’s not women creating the demand for this content. men demand sexual humiliation and depravity on a platter, DAILY, and yet somehow abused woman no. 7836 is at fault for meeting the demand so that she can provide for herself. oh and also she’s the reason why society enslaved women for thousands of years btw. 2 + 2 = kia sorrento ass logic.

it’s frustrating how society refuses to chastise men. even when it doesn’t make sense, they’ll find a way to blame men’s loathsome nature on a woman. men taint everything that they encounter, murder excessively, rape excessively, and are generally not conducive to building a healthy society. if they were given even the slightest bit of discipline and condemnation, we would all be better off. but no! from the smallest members of society to the largest, we are all so weak willed that we allow half of our population to run amok and wreak havoc. because they feel like it. the most pathetic species, truly.

there’s so much more to say too like: 1 woman doing something = all woman should be punished until the end of time. the embarrassment i get from women doing this and the realization that she is literally the last person at fault for this. so many people push women towards the meat grinder and then get angry at the fact that there’s ground beef on the other end. it’s all so soul draining

n e ways!

in response to your first reblog: i agree with you, it’s demoralizing to see women being paraded around in this manner. many women have bought the lie that the “sexual liberation” movement is the path to respect and resources for women in our modern society. however, i believe this particular case is a different. lily philips (woman who’s in the video), is being coerced by her family to do this. her brother is her manager, and organizes all of her onlyfans/sexual content. her mother is also involved in this operation. the people closest to her use her solely for financial exploitation. if she refuses to do these acts, she risks losing everything. even though her situation sounds like hell to us, it’s what’s familiar to her. for her, stopping now would be her undoing. i genuinely believe a third party needs, like adult protective services idk, needs to step in to help her. a lot of women like her are being horribly abused and it traps them in these kinds of situations. so while i agree with you that this kind of content should be deleted off the face of the earth and never engaged in again, i have sympathy for lily and her situation. (i also agree that no matter how you present yourself, if you’re female, men will come for you. it’s like a second instinct for them.)

in response to your second reblog: i think Melissa deleted her original tweet, that’s probably why it’s not showing up on the search. her tweet had a lot of views, around a few million. imo, she may have deleted because the tweet became popular and got outside of her intended audience. she was catching some flack in the quote tweets, lol.

let me pull up the uncropped version:

the tweet existed at some point. if she did delete her quote tweet all i can say is that it’s quite cowardly to repeatedly say something with the utmost confidence but then immediately back down once people challenge you.

i believe melissa is a real woman, she just tweets the same phrase over and over again to farm likes and views, which generates revenue for her because she’s verified. it’s honestly more heartbreaking this way than if she was a bot. repeatedly calling for the damnation of your entire sex for what? 2 - 5 dollars per post, if that? maybe a little gratification from males? both are utterly worthless, in the grand scheme of things. i said this phrase in a different post but i think it encapsulates this whole interaction Melissa is engaging in:

“You gain nothing and lose what little you have.”

but! thank you ms. celibacy for your investigation! seeing more context behind her behavior gives us a clearer picture on why she does this in the first place. selling out over some pocket lint and a couple of pennies, sad.

for her, stopping now would be her undoing.

this is insanely reductive and you're assuming she's thinking like you. we have no idea what her life is like and since SHE is the one 'starring' in these self harming tabloid fodder antics, she arguably has the power. I'm sure on some level she thinks she's just doing what she needs to to and has compartmentalized her life so she doesn't think about the consequences/costs of her actions in great detail.

in regards to your second part (sit back this is gonna be a long one:

i will admit, i was being presumptuous by assuming how she feels about doing this. she may feel positively towards her family’s involvement in her “business”, she may be outwardly ecstatic to be doing this content. i cannot say for certain. should’ve put that it was just my speculation. however, i don’t believe i’m being reductive by adding potential reasons she may may be influenced to stay in this industry. from a basic perspective, leaving would be her undoing, initially. She would have to deal with loss of income, loss of community (even though i believe ditching her shit family would be the best for her, she probably sees them in a different light), and a heavy shift in her personal identity. These things would be hard on anyone, and may be strongly influencing her decision to stay, was the point i was trying to make. while the power is solely in her hands, that does not negate the fact that she has multiple external influences encouraging her behavior, prompting her to continue what she’s doing.

with that being said, i do understand the frustration. day after day, we are bombarded with pornographic content of women. the average woman is being pushed to believe that sexual exploitation is one of the only ways to find independence and security and it’s disheartening to say the least. the porn lobby supports this mass delusion by placing a few high earning women at the forefront of their image, creating the facade that it is a viable career. all lies. it’s exhausting. but i believe by having conversations like these with other women helps. it gives us the framework on how to approach these topics in the future. i have hope that one day women will be at peace. i’ll continue to fight until that future is secured.

i’m rambling now, so i’ll stop here. thank you for your reply, your words were insightful. i look forward to hearing from you again in the future.