#rambleposting

In the flashback scene, when Vox touches his shoulders, he clearly doesn't like it.(as evidenced by the static shriek and him later outright saying he hates when Vox does that) But he allowed it.

I have to wonder why, considering how hard he rejects the very idea of genuine companionship. There are several explanations I can think of but none of them quite fit right with what I know of his character.

(My current best guess is maybe he just had a habit of outwardly tolerating things in life because he was a POC in 30's america, he probably took it on the chin only to get revenge in other ways when opportunity arose.)

Definitely Eridan, seeing his design as an edgy 13 year old is what got me into Homestuck. I fuckin love magic and Eridan is literally a wizard.

Also I love asshole characters who if given the chance could better themselves and Eridan fits that to a T, he’s just a traumatized teenager with no support group who doesnt know how to break free of the many cycles hes stuck in, if he was given that chance I know he would have been able to grow as a person.

The reason I’m saying I’d know is because I used to be in a very similar situation to him, while it wasnt murder i was struggling with I was stuck in a number of cycles i didnt know how to break out of, i was only able to get out with the help of others, which Eridan didnt have.

Because of that his story is very impactful to me, it’s like looking in a funhouse mirror and seeing the worst path my life could have gone down.

another longish ramble post I think. I've had a lot of thoughts about this job. negative ones, mostly.

it's 9pm. or almost. there's a single customer ; our last one tonight. there's an odd, uncomfortable feeling in the back of my mind. it had been there since before I left home. I always felt a special kind of dread going into work. I still do.

a man shuffles in front of our lobby door. I feel cold. it's 8:58. a couple more minutes. I wish I had had the idea to lock the door early but the customer already in the store dissuaded me. I felt okay. it wasn't a rough work day at all that day. and yet when that man shuffled in front of the door, trying to pull what I thought was something over his face to prevent others from getting sick, I felt cold.

he comes in yelling. I'm at the register. he yells at me. and in my stress, my fear, I make the worst decision possible. I had never dealt with a robbery before this. gunpoint. gunpoint. he has a gun.

my coworker does most of the opening of the register and opening of the safe (that was a dumb decision. the safe). giving him the money. and I'm on the floor. shaking. afraid. disassociating. I have to call my boss. I have to call the cops. I have to call my roommates.

when the cops get there they don't take us seriously. they treat us like we're fucking stupid. they look at us like we're fucking stupid. they ask us if we gave the robber the money, like we're fucking stupid and like we had any other choice. the cops linger even after I have my roommate pick me up because I don't feel safe walking home.

my boss says it was some bum. my coworker said it was an addict looking for money for his next fix. I remember what he looks like. the robber, not the coworker. he was pretty clearly an addict. I feel bad. and I feel frustrated.

a man let down by the systems that be hooked on drugs with prices designed to keep him in that exact place. violent withdrawal. threatening with a gun. part of me knows why but part of me can't seem to comprehend how. how does one get to that point? it's upsetting that he got to that point. I have to be cautious not to demonize him, in my mind, because he's just an addict. but nobody should get to the point where they rob a store at gunpoint. nobody should scare and traumatize people that horrifically but they do.

my mind always goes back to how I could have died. I fumble with the safe, over and over again, so blind by disassociation that I can't see the numbers. I have to shout it to my coworker. I'm made to feel embarrassed by this when recounting the event to my friends. I feel stupid.

ANYWAY

this is your regular reminder that Skyrim is a Bad Game, practically unplayable without Mods and yet somehow Bethesda never just did the smart thing and plagiarized all that FREE WORK making it not face-rendingly odious even though they’re STILL RELEASING VERSIONS OF IT, and that 90% of what you ACTL remember fondly about it is really just the sound design, which 1)is Legit World-Historical and 2)youtube will actively shove in your face FOR FREE and without eating a quarter of your harddrive u_u