kat 🎀

“God, turn that shit off…” Nikki mumbled. He was never one to get right up out of bed. Or, the floor, in this case. Duff groaned in agreement, slowly sitting up and crawling up onto my bed. I looked tiny next to his 6’3 frame. His bleached blonde hair was messy since he was such a heavy sleeper.

I blindly hit my nightstand, eventually slamming the button so my alarm would finally shut up. Nikki and Duff both got up, and of course, Nikki just had to be a tease. His hands wrapped around my ankles under the blanket, yanking me right off my bed.

“Hey!” I giggled and squealed, kicking my ankles free from his firm grip. He chuckled, letting go of me and walking to the bathroom like nothing happened. Duff shook his head, following suit.

Somehow, Nikki took longer than I did to get ready. He teased his dyed black hair and smudged black eyeshadow onto his waterline after getting dressed in pretty much only leather. Duff did the same, however not as intensely as Nikki did.

My parents were already at work when Nikki, Duff and I piled into the car, Nikki in the passenger seat. I was always designated driver, since I didn’t like getting drunk or high. The boys loved it, obviously. They were rockstars, why wouldn’t they?

Our first stop was Tommy Lee's house, where Vince Neil had moved in with him and his parents after getting into trouble and running away. Tommy was ridiculously hyper for 7:30 in the morning, basically jumping into the backseat while Vince sat in the middle.

“Quit man-spreading, Duff,” Vince yelled, but more in a joking way than actually being serious. I rolled my eyes, not sure how any of these boys had all this energy right now.

While my little Toyota Cecilia was already full, we had one more stop. Izzy Stradlin's house. Although having his license, he was never conscious enough to drive. I insisted on taking him places everyday so he wouldn’t hurt himself.

Izzy laid across the three other boys in the backseat as we made our way towards Fairfax High School. Slash and Axl Rose were probably already in the parking lot, along with Adriana Smith and Juliana Sedbrook, my girl friends. As I pulled into the parking lot and spotted them, I parked in the spot next to them.

“Hey, stupid!” Duff yelled to Axl after rolling down the window. I giggled, laying my legs across Nikki’s lap. We still had about 8 minutes until we actually had to go in, so we thought we’d sit and talk for a little bit.

“Ola isn’t gonna be home tonight. Party at Axl and I’s house,” Slash said, gesturing towards me. I always had to bring everyone home from parties. Every time. “Then we can go drive around the Hollywood Hills!”

“Uh, only if you’re paying for my gas, Saulie,” I retorted, giving the curly-haired boy a knowing look. I called him by his real name, Saul. He rolled his eyes, huffing. That boy never had money in his pocket.

By the time it was 8:12, Nikki, Duff, Axl, Izzy and I were in our first class of the day: AP Language & Comp. Nikki and Axl especially had a talent for writing. Nikki couldn’t go a single day without sitting on the floor and writing music.

I sat between Izzy and Nikki. Nikki was listening to the teacher, Ms. Newhouse as she spoke about rhetorical strategies and how to annotate, but Izzy and I weren’t listening.

“Izzy,” I whispered, nudging his foot with mine. He was clearly exhausted, but I wasn’t sure what the cause of it was. I had my assumptions, but I knew he never liked anyone getting into his business, “Izzy, come on, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Izzy muttered, his black bangs falling into his eyes. He had his head down on the desk, but he turned his face towards mine. 

“You sure?”

“Mhm.”

Hours later, at around 9:57 PM, the boys and I were at the party. The house was dark and only lit by party lights and a few small lamps scattered around. Slash hadn’t just invited us; word of mouth got around and now half the damn school was here.

The boys had split up already. Duff had found some other kids who were interested in punk music like him, so he was hanging out with them. Slash went into the basement to feed his snakes, Izzy was hiding in a closet somewhere, and as for Tommy, Vince, and Nikki, I didn’t really want to know what they were up to, knowing them.

I knew I couldn’t drink since I was designated driver, but I walked into the kitchen to get water and maybe a bit of quiet. The living room was a bit too lively for me, but the kitchen and dining areas weren’t so bad.

Later, the party had died down a tiny bit, but for the most part, was still in full swing. I was still alone, wondering where all my boys had gone. Nikki was usually the one I went to when I wanted solace and quiet in such a loud environment, so I decided to try and find him.

Roaming the halls of Slash’s house, I eventually stumbled upon his mother, Ola’s bedroom. I saw the top of Nikki’s head from the doorway, his black hair sticking up due to the ridiculous amounts of hairspray he used every morning.

“Nikki?” I said softly. Nikki didn’t move or respond. Panic flared up in my chest. Naturally being an anxious person, he never failed to make me way more nervous than necessary. Although this time, something was telling me it was completely necessary.

I walked in and shut the door behind me. With caution, I walked over to where Nikki was sitting behind the bed. My eyes widened and I let out a loud gasp at the sight of the poor boy.

Nikki was turning blue. There were bruises all over his body, a baseball bat laying next to him on the floor, plus a multitude of needles and burnt spoons. Whoever helped him get to this state of being had clearly hit him repeatedly with the bat in a failed attempt to shock his body back to life. I knew he and Izzy had this stupid habit, but I figured it wouldn’t get this bad. I never thought I'd see this happen to my best friend and the boy I was in love with with my own two eyes.

I ran downstairs, pushing past everyone to find Tommy and Duff. Despite how immature they both could be, they were too empathetic to not help me in this situation. Duff was almost blackout drunk, but he responded quickly when he saw how frantic and panicked I was.

“Nikki’s turning fucking blue, Tommy! Who the fuck was with him last?” I was shouting in Tommy’s face, my eyes filling with tears as I gripped his hand hard and pulled him and Duff upstairs with me. The color had been basically drained from my face by now. I was terrified; my best friend was basically dead right in front of me. Tommy and Duff were too distraught to verbally respond to me, only following me as I ran upstairs.

Tommy knelt beside Nikki and reached for the telephone on the nightstand, dialing 911. I began sobbing as Tommy spoke to the lady at the station, telling her Nikki was blue and not responding. I collapsed into Duff’s arms, prompting him to hold me close and run his fingers through my soft, messy hair. 

The ambulance had arrived surprisingly shortly, and Nikki was taken into the truck. I wasn’t speaking to the boys, blaming myself for Nikki's demise. I should’ve stopped him before it got this bad, I thought. He had his whole dream of a music career and his whole life ahead of him.

2 days later, I hadn’t spoken to any of the boys at all. I felt bad, but I feared that I was contributing to their own vices and addictions. I didn't want the same thing to happen to Slash or Izzy or any of the others. Lately, I had been spending a lot of time in my car in the little parking spot Nikki and I would always hang out at. I felt so guilty, not able to get the sight of his skin turning blue out of my head.

I was pulled out of my thoughts as I heard a motorcycle approach my car. I sat up, wiping my tears from my flushed face and looking in the rearview mirror. I saw long, teased black hair and sunglasses. I figured it was Tommy, since he was the one who had most adamantly been trying to gain back my attention.

I rolled down the window, sniffling and sighing so I could speak without sounding like a broken record, “Tommy, go home,” I muttered, peering my head out the window. The second I did, I realized it wasn’t Tommy.

It was Nikki.

I was already sobbing before I had even opened the door. I ran towards his motorcycle, tackling him to the ground and latching myself onto him like some sort of cuddly, depressed parasite.

”I’m okay, sweetheart, it's okay,” Nikki soothed, his voice a bit hoarse. He seemed okay now, which was insane considering he had literally experienced death. He chuckled softly as he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tight against his body. The gravel was uncomfortable, but I didn't care. Having him back was all that mattered.

”Dont ever do that again,” I demanded through sobs, Nikki sitting up while still holding me close. I wasn’t sure how he was sitting here with me. A part of me believed I was hallucinating, but the warmth of his skin against mine proved otherwise.

Nikki was petting my hair, trying to get me to calm down. Out of all the boys, he was the best at comforting me. 

“Would you stop crying if I got you ice cream?” Nikki whispered, grinning smugly like he always did. He was the most smug and arrogant of all the boys, yet remained the smartest and most compassionate.