Lost in my mind

PSA

I don’t think people love me. They love versions of me I have spun for them, versions of me they have construed in their minds. The easy versions of me, the easy parts of me to love.

With my head against his chest, listening to the waves crashing onto the rocks, “Night” he whispered to me, “they usually associate it with darkness and bad time, I wonder why, even when it’s so beautiful. Night is not about the dark, it’s about the stars and the moon and how the “sun dies every evening, just to let the moon breathe”. It’s about restless lovers. It’s about insomniacs, some with dreams in their eyes, while some with tears, this night is also a muse, and to me, it’s about this breeze and the smell of your hair. It’s about the warmth of your arms, about the calm in your breath, the stars in your eyes, the rythm of your rising and falling chest.. Nights are not dark, they are just so colourful, each colour blends in leaving no single colour visible. Giving us the choice to pick just any we love and paint this sky to the colour of our thoughts!”

Then again, she didn’t like small talk either, so she was glad he wasn’t commenting on the weather or the landscape. Life was too big and too short and too important to talk about the lack of rain or the latest gossip. She wanted to know how people felt about themselves and one another, whether they were happy or sad. She wanted to know what made them feel loved and what hurt them to the core. She wanted to know about their past, how they got where they were, and their relationships with their mothers and fathers and siblings. She wanted to know if she was the only mixed-up person in the world who felt completely and utterly alone.

We do not need magic to transform our world. We carry all the power we need inside ourselves already.

i am not empty space love. i do not exist to fill the spaces you cannot fill on your own, i will not slice off pieces of myself to jigsaw you back together, i will not make holes in myself to make you whole again. if you seek me because your life is lackluster and i look like a thrill, look elsewhere. if you seek me because you cannot write poetry and i feel like an unwritten poem, look elsewhere. if you seek me because you feel insignificant and i look like one to shower you in perpetual praise, look elsewhere. today i am whole, and i will not accept empty space love. i will not give, and give, and give to receive nothing in return but a couple of thank you notes and a brazen goodbye. i have learned to demand more. because i am not empty space love. i am whole, damn overwhelming, intertwined love.

Gifts for her