things iโve heard college students sayย
(Question: Do you think Paul Ryan would be a good president?) Paul Ryan? A guy with two first names? Fuck no.
*first day of physics lab* โDoes anyone have any interesting facts to share?โ โIf you go to Olive Garden and you order a block of cheese in your salad, they actually give you a block of cheese. They donโt shred it or anything.โ
Yeet yeet itโs time to eat
Iโm deciding whether to write my paper on nuclear physics or revenge porn.
Iโll punch myself in the face and get cancer so I donโt have to go to class tomorrow
โI have three unknowns in my equation.โย โThatโs a sad fact of life.โ
Do you think iโll die in intermediate swimming
Whatโs the most painful part about being a human cannonball? Is it that you have a lighter up your ass or the impact after launch?
โWhat are you majoring in?โ โMindfuckery.โ
Iโm going to recycle my test the moment I get it because Iโd rather save the planet than force the professor to read this waste of a paper
Can the sky stop pissing for one second
โOur professor keeps saying he worked at Neiman Marcus but I donโt even know what it is. What the fuck is Neiman Marcus.โ
โWhat was the best thing before sliced bread?โ โโฆcanned bread?โ
go get your uber ride to hell
*at 12 am* Iโm going to fail. You know what Iโm doing about it? Eating a cheese stick.
We are free men in the night! And women! And free people, for those who are neither! And attack helicopters! And like furries, I guess
*while stirring soft serve in the dining hall* I have to mix it well. I cannot have oreo bits in my ice cream. That is chaos, and I do not invite chaos into my life.
I would like to crabwalk my way through my problems