so i'm working from home one fine day and while i'm in the kitchen making lunch, i get a knock at the door. when i answer it a few seconds later, there is a guy standing in my yard. he must have knocked and then made a quick retreat, as he's already a good thirty-odd feet away on the sidewalk. i don't recognize him. he doesn't introduce himself or come closer, and i'm standing there in my socks, so our ensuing conversation is conducted at some distance and volume.
he asks if he is close to the shopping center. he is, in fact, quite a ways away from it, rather deep in a residential neighborhood off the main road, so i'm not sure how he found his way to my house. there's a slight language barrier, causing some confusion for both of us, but i give him directions and figure that will be the end of it.
he says thanks. then he gestures to the rainbow flag in my kitchen window and says, "that's nice." i say thanks. as casually as one might ask how somebody feels about the weather, he asks, "are you a member of the lgbtq community?"
i look at this stranger and give his question careful consideration. i think about my safety and wonder if i should lie. then i think about the pride flag in the window. i stand there in my flannel shirt with my cropped hair and my anxiety-short fingernails and i accept that i look like somebody printed out the wikipedia entry for "butch dyke." i think about my girlfriend of three years working away inside the house, blissfully unaware i'm in fight-or-flight mode on the front porch as i try to decide if i should tell this stranger what we all already know.
"yes?" i respond, uncertain for the first time in years.
he nods. i am relieved. i have passed the test. i am a member of the lgbtq community. but i can't celebrate for long, as without missing a beat, he asks, "how is it?"
how is it, being a member of the lgbtq community?
"it's good," i say. "i like it." i voice a thousand mental apologies to all my fellow queers for having so utterly blown this marketing opportunity.
he doesn't seem phased by my lackluster answer. he just says, "that's good, because i have been thinking i like men."
ok. a stranger just walked up to my house and came out to me. i have to figure out how to handle this. i do not know how to handle this.
i say, "oh, good." i die a little. i say, "welcome to the team." i die a lot.
"i don't know, though," he continues. "i think i like men, but i'm not sure. how do you know you like women?"
my mind goes blank as i think about women. i doubt that any of the answers i have will suffice for him. "i just do," i say. a coward's answer. the only one i have.
he gives my response more consideration than it's worth, then nods. he has another question for me. "can i call you sometime and talk about this?"
"sure," my mouth says, absent of brain. what the fuck. whatever. why not. sure!! sure!!!!!!! call me and tell me about men. why the fuck not. he walks over to me and from my perch outside my body, i watch as i punch my digits into this fledgling-bisexual stranger's phone.
"what's your name?" he asks, and i tell him. "oh that's funny," he says. "me too." of course. of course we have the same name. i watch as he types it into the new contact field:
that's me now, i guess. i'm rex lgbtq. nice to meet you.
"thanks," he says as he puts his phone back in his pocket. "it's this way to the shopping center?"
"no," i tell him, "it's the other way. go down to the end of this street and turn left, then turn left again when you reach the main road. it's about a mile's walk from there."
"down to the end and turn left." he nods. he's gestured to the right.
"two lefts," i tell him, gesturing back at him. "left and left again."
"ok." he sounds confident. "goodbye, rex. i'll call you."
he walks away and i stand on my porch to keep an eye on him until he reaches the end of the block. he stops at the intersection and spends a long time looking from left to right. he goes left. i go back into my house and try to return to making lunch.
we wind up playing phone tag for a few weeks and then he stops calling. i hope he figured it out. i wonder if i'm still in his phone as rex lgbtq
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