sometimes lose and always win

"Isn't it weird that [thing humans commonly eat] is poisonous to literally every domesticated animal" I mean, there's a pretty good chance that [thing humans commonly eat] is at least mildly poisonous to humans, too. One of our quirks as a species is that we think our food is bland if it doesn't have enough poison in it.

vine eleven

One time I saw a fake headline about the Vatican announcing the virgin Mary's new nemesis, la puta Waría, and ever since that day I've quoted it like anybody else knows what I'm talking about

dammit i was supposed to fix everything today

"but the text never explicitly stated it!!!" hey, so that's actually what they tried to teach you in those english classes you barely passed 😁

There was a factory at the accident explosion

put rainbow laces on all my shoes recently which is fun and sexy but has the side effect that i have gotten multiple "i like your shoelaces" from strangers and like. i cant NOT "i stole them from the president" in return. just in case. but its recieved mostly awkward laughs and looks of confusion. embarrasing myself in public out here over my damn shoelaces.

i cant stop saying "grisp it"