ExJW

I went ahead and joined the memorial zoom with the camera off. I just set my phone in another room and continued with my evening.

Beforehand I spoke to my dad and clearly said (again) that I didn't believe the doctrine and also didn't believe in the god if the bible. I then said that I understood that a gesture as empty as looking like I'm at the memorial would mean a lot to my mom.

I don't hate either of my parents, and I'm indifferent toward the congregation. I live alone and don't get bugged by anyone aside from my parents in regards to witness things (because I don't have qualms about ignoring or blocking anyone aside from my parents).

I fully get the idea of not wanting to give the organization the satisfaction of including me in the statistics for attendance or like, a return visit or whatever, but that doesn't matter at all in regards to my current life and what I'm doing. JW stuff is a footnote in my book of life now (in regards to the amount of attention I pay to it. Sometimes I even forget I have this blog until something comes up. Thinking back on it, it took a lot for me to get to this point).

I also recognize that my situation isn't nearly as bad as some other exjws. I'm just talking about me. I did the zoom thing because it was easy to ignore. Going into the hall again for me is completely out of the question. I'd probably have an anxiety attack.

At any rate I think I'm done letting out my feelings about yesterday. I'm going to forget all this and enjoy the rest of my day now.

My parents have been bugging me about going to zoom memorial, and I keep forgetting about it almost immediately after hanging up the phone. They just called again, so apparently it’s today -_- 

My dad said the other day I should just join it and not have my camera on, but like, why should I bother doing that? It seems like he trying to get me to appease folks and give them a false hope by showing up, even though it would just be me joining the room and having everything on mute. I might as well not join the thing at all.