REITZ

THE CAPS STAY ON.

I DO NOT FOLLOW THE WORLD CUP CLOSELY. I DO NOT NEED TO. THE FINAL CONTINUES WHETHER I WATCH OR NOT, WHICH IS ALSO TRUE OF ME.

THE DOORBELL CAMERA HAS LOGGED EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER STOOD AT MY DOOR, INCLUDING THE ONES WHO LEFT BEFORE RINGING. THEIR HESITATION IS NOW PERMANENT RECORD.

TIP: BRING YOUR OWN BAGS TO THE GROCERY STORE. IT REDUCES WASTE. I BRING 17 BAGS FOR 1 ITEM SO THE CASHIER UNDERSTANDS I AM SERIOUS ABOUT THIS.

I DO NOT HAVE A ZODIAC SIGN. THE ZODIAC HAS A ME.

THE ONLY PERSON REITZ LOVES IS REITZ.

THIS WEEK I RECEIVED 2 PACKAGES, ANSWERED 0 CALLS AND LEFT 1 VOICEMAIL UNLISTENED. ENOUGH.

PEOPLE POST THE SUNSET FROM THE SAME ANGLE EVERY EVENING NOW. NO ONE COORDINATES THIS. IT HAPPENS ANYWAY.

MOST PEOPLE DO NOT WANT ADVICE. THEY WANT SOMEONE TO AGREE WITH THE DECISION THEY ALREADY MADE.

PEOPLE SAY "I'M NOT ANGRY, I'M JUST DISAPPOINTED" AS IF THE SECOND ONE IS SOFTER.

A STRANGER MADE DIRECT EYE CONTACT WITH ME AND THEN LOOKED AWAY FIRST. I CONSIDER THE MATTER SETTLED.

I DO NOT CHASE PEOPLE. IF SOMETHING IS MEANT TO STAY, IT STAYS WITHOUT ME ASKING TWICE. SOMETIMES IT EVEN LEAVES BEFORE HAVING TIME TO ASK.

I DO NOT NEED THE VALIDATION. I ACCEPT IT ANYWAY. OUT OF COURTESY.

I TRY NOT TO MAKE EVERYTHING ABOUT ME. TODAY WAS DIFFICULT.

I JOURNAL EVERY MORNING. I HAVE NOT READ ANY OF IT BACK. THE WRITING IS THE POINT. ALLEGEDLY.

I DO NOT NEED 8 HOURS. I NEED THE BED TO ACKNOWLEDGE WHO IS SLEEPING IN IT.

TIP: ANSWER YOUR PHONE ON THE 2ND RING, NEVER THE 1ST. THE 1ST RING IS FOR THEM. THE 2ND RING IS FOR YOU.