You know what I actually hate drinking and that's coming from a former alcoholic. When you drink every bone and muscle in your body begs to lay down but strains to keep dancing. And your eyes fall asleep but your mouth keeps singing to shitty karaoke and you can't get any of the words right. And your feet ache. And your back aches. And the room is spinning every second you try rest until your belly feels sick. And you shake and puke and feel so cold and confused. And you dance between the lines of not being drunk enough to have fun and being too drunk and too sick to have fun and hitting that good spot is like trying to hit a bullseye while blindfolded. And everyone hates you. But they usually want to keep drinking so you keep drinking. And then you're hungover and bedbound for a day.
I prefer the get stoned because the whole world feels like your bed. And every bit of your body blurs into one fuzzy thing. And your brain is so so quiet for the first time in a long time. And the whole world is quiet. And you don't have to dance and sing and talk you can just sit there so quietly and just feel..great. and stare at a stain on the table or the patterns on the carpet and just feel so at peace. And if you feel sick you can just close your eyes and fall until you're comfortable again. Like the whole world wants to hold you and be quiet as you normally are.
I got more sober from alcohol this year because I wanted to and because I had to. Because I didn't like who I was when I was drunk and I was upsetting the people I love the most with my actions. Then everytime I got drunk it was like my whole body reminded me of what I did and who id become and that was enough for me to say id change and stick with it.
I don't really enjoy drinking anymore since getting better. But I still drink every week otherwise I wouldn't really socialise or leave my flat, and I'm worried about missing out - but missing out on what it's the same shit every week? Although on second thought I wouldn't mind that too much because I love my flat and laying in bed and drawing and napping and daydreaming all day. Then I eat dinner and watch a jerma stream. Do some writing and go to sleep. And I don't really talk much anyway. Because I never have the energy. That quiet life sounds so nice. I think I'll stop drinking every week. I think I'll stay home next week. I don't think I'll mind.
I'll have a cigarette by the common room and do some coding. I'll have a late night dinner and an early nights sleep. I'll smoke some pot and listen to music. I'll speak more with my internet friends for once if I get lonely. Because I love the people I've met on the internet. I'll be fine