I was feeling agitated and artblocked yesterday so I decided to give my brain a rest by watching TV and then the next thing I knew these were in front of me

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Cosimo Galluzzi

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will byers stan first human second

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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@justnightwingit
I was feeling agitated and artblocked yesterday so I decided to give my brain a rest by watching TV and then the next thing I knew these were in front of me

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“Hey store manager from the hit movie Elf, what is the primary group that celebrates pride month and, more importantly, when does it start?”
Based on a true story
heated something
(commission for @/elwwrld on ig!)
Hollanov in 10 years freshly retired and still coaching the Game Changers hockey camps, and there is one 8 year old kid who [not so secretly] immediately becomes Shane's favourite kid to coach because her hockey IQ is off the charts. She absorbs every single word that Shane and the other coaches say and practices drills with a single-mindedness that makes Shane sooo proud because This Kid Gets It.
When Shane waxes poetic about this kid's hockey IQ for the umpteenth time over dinner, Ilya smiles his 'I am endlesslely endeared by my hockey robot husband' smile and replies, "Ok, Yuna," making fun of Shane for picking favourites and reminding him that the other kids at camp exist.
The thing is, she also secretly becomes Ilya's favorite kid at the camp that summer. One day before practice, Ilya overhears some of the older kids chirping a younger kid a little too harshly as they skate around him. Before Ilya can skate over to diffuse the situation, this girl zooms over, stops on a dime, and chirps the older kid so fiercely and catches him so off guard that he trips and falls flat on his back. Instead of lauging, she takes the younger kid's hand and skates him away as she throws one sassy word over her shoulder, "...Karma."
On the drive home after practice, Ilya gleefully retells Shane the story as Shane smirks and imitates Ilya in a sassy Russian accent, "You know there are other kids at camp, moy lyubov, you should not pick favourites."
After one practice towards the of camp, their favorite kid is the last to exit the ice, and Ilya pauses the story he was telling Shane in order to tell their favourite player how impressed he was with her passes today. She smirks and chirps, "Better than Coach Hayden," Which makes Ilya cackle with glee. (Hayden had fumbled a pass to her at the start of practice and she clearly wasn't about to let it go anytime soon.)
Shane, instead of feeling annoyed at the obvious bad influence Ilya was being, feels an inexplicable fondness at the sight of the two of them grinning at each other and fist bumping. He rapidly blinks a few times and clears his throat before clapping the kid playfully on the shoulder. As they start to walk in the direction of the locker rooms, Shane says that he'd like to tell her parents how well she's doing, glancing at the stands and suddenly realizing that he couldn't recall which parents belonged to her.
Not breaking stride, she points over to where the parents are gathered and says, "John- my foster dad- is the one with the glasses," and then she's gone. Her reply pulls both Ilya and Shane up short for a second as they immediately lock eyes.
"Ilya..." Shane says hesitantly, an unreadable expression on his face. But Ilya is already pivoting, Shane immediately following. They find the guy she's pointed out, re-introducing themselves and shaking the guy's hand in turn. Shane spends a minute doing what he said he would: praising her progress and hockey sense. But at the first pause in conversation, Ilya cuts in without finesse or preamble and asks, "She says you are her foster dad? So, she is orphan?"
"Ilya," Shane admonishes his husband's lack of tact, but John waves it away. He confirms Ilya's assumption, tells them briefly about her story, and explains that she had recieved a scholarship to attend the camp. They thank him, greet other parents, and wrap up their day, not speaking of it again until their car doors are shutting in the empty parking lot, echoing through the Range Rover for one short moment before Ilya immediately breaks the silence:
"Shane-"
"No-"
"You are thinking same thing as me-"
"We can't just-"
"She is orphan, moya lyubov, orphan like me-"
"Ilya-"
"She is Baby Scott Hunter, Shane!"
"We don't even know-"
"She is Baby Hollander! Best player we have seen in all these camps. You cannot lie to me- you are also thinking-"
"Ilya."
"Shane."
Shane heaves a longsuffering sigh before turning forward. Ilya gives Shane one single minute to chew the inside of his lip and drum his fingers on the steering wheel before Ilya reaches out and takes Shane's hand in his own, lacing their fingers together.
"Shanushka," he says, softly, imploringly, squeezing his husband's hand.
Shane turns back to Ilya, gaze going from their joined hands up to Ilya's face. Seeing the imploring expression on Ilya's face, Shane sighs again and nods once.
"...Yeah."
"Yes? Da?"
"Yes."
The smile that breaks out on Ilya's face is blinding, and Shane responds with a smile to match before Ilya is diving over the center console and peppering kisses all over Shane's face. Once Ilya settles down, Shane starts the car and puts it in gear as he muses under his breath about not even knowing where to start. Ilya rolls his eyes and replies that yes, actually, they do know where to start, and eagerly jabs the blutooth call button.
"Hey, honey, I was just-" Yuna barely has a moment to answer before Shane is interrupting her.
"Mom- what you know about adoption?"
"I... what?"
"Congratulations, Babushka!" Ilya cuts in. "We have found your granddaughter. She is Tiny Shane. She is even better at him than hockey. And also chirping. You will love her."

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“The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.”
— Ernest Hemingway
why is it always a male character going mad avenging his dead wife and never a female character cradling her dying pure of heart husband in her arms then dragging the whole world down with her
First of all, this is a very clever use of this gif. Secondly, fuck you.
listen, i hate grogu as much as everyone else. But you CAN NOT let that spill over into hating baby yoda. Grogu is an annoying marketing gimmick from a blockbuster megacorporation. Baby Yoda is a LITERAL CHILD STAR being taken advantage of by basically every adult in his life. If you know anything about child stars you know how they're treated. We know from whistleblowers they're making him pull 12 hour filming days (again, as a LITERAL CHILD), and he's almost certainly not interacting with kids his age; they can do whatever they want to him because he doesn't have the experience to know any better. We already know they've got him on ozempic, god knows what the fuck else they have him on.
And before anyone brings it up, I DON'T CARE about how he acted at the met gala. He shouldn't have even been there in the first place, he's a child, of course he's going to act out, and he's been conditioned basically since birth to think that's okay because again. EVERY SINGLE ADULT IN HIS LIFE IS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF HIM. He's literally the victim here and Disney is encouraging this. Until you all get a lot more youthlib i don't want to fucking hear your opinions on baby yoda.
Hollanov teenage daughter: Papa, when you and Dad adopted me, how much did I cost? Ilya: ... what are you saying??? I carried you for NINE MONTHS, BIRTHED you, NO EPIDURAL, and you ask how much- Hollanov daughter: Dad, how much did I cost? Shane: Too much, but Grandma had a coupon, so...
im the dj screaming w laughter
I think about this at least once a day.
working in customer service be like

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I don’t watch Once Upon A Time but every clip I’ve seen is like
Quasimodo: “And where is the amulet?” Edgar from Aristocats: “Safe and sound I assure you. Isn’t that right, Lightning McQueen?” *the sounds of revving comes out of the shadows*
Commercial break
i think people are starting to forget what the LA in LARP means
*nodding sagely* Los Angeles Role Play
okay gang lets find that son of a bitch markiplier
me after I eliminated 21,042 people
Chihuahuas Georg
What do you mean “chat” is now referring to ChatGPT and not twitch chat? What? What? What the fuck? No?
When I address chat I am speaking to a presumed Greek chorus of real human people shitposting on their lunch break, not a machine that devours lakes to covert electricity into slop.

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"only 90s kids remember-" wrong, if you're poor and/or rural enough, old tech and fashion doesn't just disappear when it stops being trendy. We had dial-up until 2012
i have 3 moods:
skips every song on my ipod
lets the music play without interruption
plays the same song on repeat for days
What’s an iPod?
been on tumblr so long my text post is outdated…
This was me yesterday when I saw someone thinking paint 3D was the original MS paint
they thought what…
my favorite thing about this post is that it originally started like this but someone snuck in another bullet along the way when you could still edit other people’s posts. the depth. the history. the tumblr lore. mystery author, i know you’re out there somewhere…