Separation anxiety to the point of full breakdowns, only because I have to go to work while she stays home. What's wrong with me?

Not really alone, but I feel completely lonely.

How long will it take me to fuck this up? A week? A month? A year? Does it matter If it happens anyway?

Lately the loneliness has been crushing. I crave touch, I crave closeness. It hurts. It hurts so much.

I hate society. I am getting mocked or insulted every time I go out. What makes me most upset is that mostly it's teens who do that. Oh and obviously it's always men. Always.

Fuck it, we ball *proceeds to burn the bridge*

What could be more fun for a person than making me feel like they care about me, just to shortly after show that they don't AT FUCKING ALL?

I cry all the time. I have urges to sh and to use again. I doubt my self worth. I spend every second of every day in pure suffering. But they are worth it and things will change eventually, right?

I hate the evil cult (my parents) who put a curse on me (bpd)

How bad does it have to get for them to notice it? I don't know what to do anymore, I need support and my closest friend seems distant, it fucking hurts.

"I am okay, don't worry" *proceeds to cry all weekend, barely eating or getting up from bed, has an episode*

Why did I do it again? Why do I always fall for people that cause me harm intentionally or not? Am I fucking stupid? What the fuck is wrong with me?