.⋆｡☂ yan blog *ೃ༄

Love lives everywhere within me. It is in the heart that cares, the brain that remembers, the hands that act, and the eyes that see. I think on movement, there is only the movement in how the love flows, how it seeps out and finds meaning outside of my control. If I had to pick its epicenter, then the heart will do, but I think it creeps out of every part of my being, incarnadine, as necessary to me as ichor and blood.

The best date I've had so far with her was one where we went to an outdoor mall a few hours away from where we live. It was really fun, even though it rained, because we got to share the same umbrella and run from store to store, adventuring in a place I'd never been before. We also took one of my favorite pictures of us of all time. I also liked it because we were able to go home after and be alone for a while, just the two of us, enjoying each other's company in person for once. Other than that, I also really liked a date we had where we walked up and down the local town, looking at all kinds of shops and getting froyo together. It was good exercise and also so much fun looking at all types of things together.

I also received a very dissatisfying apology from another ex best friend of mine. It was an incredibly self serving apology, just given to me so they didn't have to feel bad about being so terrible to me, which I don't really think ended up working out. They also ended up bringing themselves into oblivion after we stopped talking as well. I guess the moral of the story is not to be rude to me, then?

If I could pick anything besides tangible, worldly accomplishments, maybe then I'd want for people to remember the way I always cared for the people around me. I'd want to be remembered for my passion, my intellectual ability, and my great knack for fostering connection and making strong bonds with the select few I love the most.

To paraphrase what I've said to you once: The yan community that once favored real connection and the fostering of connection based on personality and compatibility has on large become unbelievably dull and akin to a mindless void of monotony in personality - where people care more about the offerings of obsession (using it to inflate their ego, a sense of security, etc) rather than doing the obsessing and in turn, contributing to the pursual of others. The beginning of that transition was evident around the time I left yanblr on my old account, hence why I deleted my accounts (not wanting misappropriation of my feelings, especially devotional matters, for superficial bonds such as some of the ones evident now). Now, I think that short attention spans and lack of curiosity has been a detriment to the act of pursual when someone comes along and is multifaceted and complex, the mindless pursuer may see this and not pursue because to engage critically requires effort and no guarantee of short term dopamine, whereas anon-ing for a random blog and getting responses praising and hailing them as a new obsession is almost like a short-term dopamine high for them, enough to satiate the attention span until they move to the next new blog. Because of this, many are perpetually chasing for more and more people for shorter amounts of time, craving the rush they get from obsession but not actually finding a real connection to make that obsession long-lasting in the first place. Whether or not people on yanblr have the capacity to have a real connection and critically engage with the people they're interested in or not doesn't matter if they don't have the attention span to pursue a meaningful relationship, rather than pick a random blog to be obsessed with for 2 weeks and then abandon. And the people who actually do actions that foster real connection are few and far between - people able to actually engage with their beloveds meaningfully rather than offering fodder for conversation - and these people may be discouraged from pursual in general because of the lack of long term connections in yanblr to begin with. In addition, because people swaps partners so frequently, and the community is smaller since more people have left, there is more of an echo chamber of these ideas. People are dissatisfied with the ways obsessions seem to pop up and then disappear suddenly, and yet continue the cycle without even realizing it. So overall, my hot take simplifies to this: People keep treating yanblr like a dating site and struggle to form real connection because of that. Obviously there are outliers, but this seems to be true for the vast majority of the community as I've observed it.

I think this has different answers depending on your definition of people. My overall answer would be that I want people to understand that I love human connection. I want to be close to people and I don't care about difference in superficial interests or hobbies as long as we have similar values and the ability to connect interpersonally. I like hearing about the differences, similarities, and intricacies of people's lives, and the best way to get close to me is to offer these up to me. I like listening and learning and studying and appreciating, and I really like when people go out of their way to be blunt and say that they like being around me. I like doing anything as long as it's with someone. I think in the modern social scene, many people focus too much on compatibility based on liking the same things and living similarly to one another. I think these things have their merits in fostering connection, but it's my opinion that the real instigator of human connection isn't limited to liking the same movies or tv shows as someone else. I wish people would understand that this is how I view friendship and human connection.

hibiscus ᯽ do you want to inflict pain on your darling? No, I'm not the type of yan to like pain, especially not physical pain. However, I do like when she begs for my attention or cries out of longing for me. Her distress is touching, but I never try to rouse it on my own. jasmine ᯽ how far would you go to win your darlings favor? As far as needed. I think it also depends on the darling, but I'd do basically anything my current darling asks for, if it means keeping her favor. ginseng ᯽ what type of attachment do you have with your darling? If we're talking about attachment styles, I'm secure. Otherwise, I have a strong romantic attachment to her. She is the love of my life and I plan to live with her, marry her, and love her for all of my life.

peppermint ᯽ does having a darling show up physically for you? nausea, appearance changes, etc. I do change myself a bit for my darling, mostly physically, but within reason. My current darling has some particularities and has the ability to choose certain aspects of my being, from things as small as what color I get my nails painted, to things like picking out clothes for me or a haircut. To speak on my current darling, she doesn't really like to pick too much. One of the things I like a lot about her is that she likes me as I am. I do change things on my own according to what she likes sometimes, though. (She said she liked red on me once, so I ended up wearing a red dress to a different event, etc.) oolong ᯽ would you have a shrine for your darling? why or why not? I think that the act of my loving is a shrine in and of itself. A more physical manifestation, I suppose, is found digitally. I make her a lot of gifts and collections of my thoughts on her. I have a secret devotional blog, a pinterest board, a myriad of writings, a photo album, etc. Nothing physical, at least for the time being, but my room is full of things she's given me and my thoughts on her. white ᯽ how do you view your darling? or your ideal one? I try to view her exactly as she is. At my worst, a willing lover and a diligent supporter at my best, a girl who chose me and continues to choose me. I can be a little emotionally volatile when it comes to love, but she is the one who finds balance between my extremes. matcha ᯽ if your darling wanted to leave, would you let them? I think it depends on why. I never really have cared for the musings that some people have where their only argument is me being "better off without them" and the likes. Ideas like that don't really stand up as a legitimate reason for leaving in my eyes. If she lost feelings or did something drastic, then I'd probably put my all into fixing it first. I think most of the time, then, my answer would be no, but again, i think there can be legitimate reasoning in some rare cases. An extra treat since I know who this is: honey, milk, lemon (to a much lesser degree), and ice (also to a much lesser degree)