.js_alisha

Thank you to everyone who got me to 50 likes!

that's not the thing,

I think what hurts the most is being tricked into believing that things can ever be different.

I'd be in my safe zone otherwise,

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watched a nice Q&A, felt like something with coming to, honest.

I see it as a plus: I feel pressured & feeling pressured is a very familiar feeling.

feels collected, feels like home.

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the past seems more distant than it ever was.

my writing was reminding me of who I was,

but that's gone, now.

played my cards wrong & now it is likely all wiped by a person I thought I could trust.

I can suck up the mistake & they may paint me as whatever they want,

I just want my writing back, that was all I had.

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some people do not like me. I get that,

but it all seems so cruel when no one tells you what it is that I am doing wrong.

it is like they roll the ball in my court, tell me it is all up to me & then paint me as irredeemable outright, not actually believing that I could ever change.

& maybe it is in their right to do that, but now I have no thing & no one.

no one left to trust, no one left to talk with.

I don't even feel like myself anymore.

nothing feels right.

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