The Good Old Bad Old Days

In my AP Art class, there was a girl who was just starting to experiment with mixed media. At this point she was still playing around, trying to decide what direction she wanted to go with her portfolio. So one critique day, she brought in an abstract canvas with some rhinestone highlights and painted and real peacock feathers. She loved sparkles and peacock feathers so she thought she’d try introducing them a *little*. And after everyone had given some input, the teacher gave her his advice, VERY roughly paraphrased here:

“So here’s the thing… I do not like this style. These are just elements that do not speak to me personally, but I see that you like them, and you’re doing interesting things with them.

“My biggest critique is, I only merely *dislike* this piece. I want you to make me HATE it. Go crazy with the things that you like. Don’t hold back trying to make it palatable to people like me. Because I am NEVER going to like it. And if the audience does not like it, it should drive them crazy seeing how much YOU love it.”

Her portfolio was chock full of neon colors and glitter and rhinestones and splashes of peacock feathers and it was a delight. Our teacher despised every piece lol, but she got great marks and I think even won some awards. And more importantly, she was happy and proud of the results. Because she didn’t limit herself by trying to appeal to people who were never going to enjoy what she enjoyed.

“None of my sisters are disposable!” Except for victims of abuse, according to this logic.

I also find it interesting on a rhetorical level that if someone puts up boundaries that exclude rapists, that makes them a “monster,” but a rapist categorically doesn’t get called a monster but a “sister” that must be protected. What the hell kind of standards are those?

I’ve seen this type of social dynamic happen before, both among trans people and among cis people. It’s horrible.

Should we have standards, especially when the legal system often fails?

Absolutely, yes. In fact, because the legal system so rarely delivers justice for sexual abuse, community-based accountability is often the only tool vulnerable people have. To reject that tool outright is to leave victims entirely defenseless.

She conflates all consequences with "exile", losing a job or having your social circle shrink are not automatically "cages." They are consequences. The severity of the consequence should ideally match the severity of the harm. She's treating a request for accountability as though it is the same as a prison sentence, which erases the nuance between a minor interpersonal conflict and a pattern of predatory abuse.

If she actually wanted restorative justice, she would be demanding that the accused take accountability, apologize, get professional help, make amends, and demonstrate changed behavior over time. Instead, Misstrogen simply demands that the community stop talking about it and accept the person back immediately. That is silencing the victims to make the community feel less "messy."

If someone has caused harm and refuses to acknowledge it, refuses to change, the community has a moral obligation to create distance.