hell if I know also lost the mochi

"Warning: Don’t try this relationship at home. This relationship was conducted by completely fictional characters, under the supervision of an author who wanted hurt/comfort with a happy ending. Your results may vary, either due to people having feelings you can’t control or having an author who delights in torturing characters."

--

Except ☝️when a combat SecUnit or combat bot shows up

Terry Pratchett, in a letter to J. R. R. Tolkien, 22 November 1967

Thank you very much for your letter. The first one that I have received with regard to Smith of Wootton Major. You evidently feel about the story very much as I do myself. I can hardly say more.

.

It started with Dick pondering about the whole "secret identity" thing as a young Robin. The news are partially about Brucie Wayne, young dad extraordinaire setting an example for all reformed rakes turned fathers.

Then half of it is about speculations on Batman's true form — because while they all could've sworn that Batman was, well, a man... most investigators are hesitant to consider him human now because suddenly there's a toddling colorful child creature bobbing along after the living legend, with the same moves and capabilities as the Bat

Dick gets the brilliant idea to make Bruce into it

"Think about it!" Dick said on that first patrol, "People won't think too harsh on Batman if they figured that I'm just your little cub who is also made to fight crime, instead of a human kid out on the streets at night."

Bruce narrowed his eyes, but there's no harshness in his gaze. He's looking at this little boy, with messy curls of black and the sweetest shade of blue in his eyes. A reflection of him. How cruel it is of this boy to play with his feelings.

"You want people to think that the Batman is a creature that can give birth?" Bruce repeated carefully.

"More than that! I want them to think you're my mother!"

"...same thing."

"Bleh!"

.

It works as Dick proposed. Lesser ties made to Bruce Wayne, a cisgender man who can definitely not give birth, to Batman, a creature that allegedly birthed Robin. Bruce thinks it's the stupidest solution to a common problem, and he made Brucie.

But it works so they let the story run wild. Bruce doesn't mind so much as the weird, hungry, curious gazes that some villains and thugs give him.

Dick seemed to find it hilarious when ladies stopped Batman in the streets to tell him to rest because "you just gave birth!!"... only until said people also tell him to "respect your mother!"

Overall, it was just another one of those weird things a vigilante resorts to for the sake of operational efficiency...

...

Until one time, Robin had gotten captured in a ship rigged to blow, and villains left and right were hitting him everywhere.

Batman had priorities on the other side of the docks. Robin just had to distract everyone else, and this was a distraction technically. But everything hurt and some of the older men were looking at him funny and he can't move and he wants to go home.

"MAMA!" Robin shrieked into the night.

And descended from the shadows was the Batman, in all his apparently motherly glory — towering above 6 feet, maybe more, because animals grow their appearance when preparing to pounce. A culmination of darkness and rage. Armed to the teeth with weapons and artful precision.

His white eyes turn to a bloodied, shaking young Robin, then to the rest of the fools who dared breathe his boy's air. The sound of rage he made was not human.

Every move is calculated and efficient; not with the aim to kill, but to make an example of the bastards who dared hurt his little bird.

.

This story will be passed along the underworld of Gotham for years to come as more and more of the Bat's brood grew

And this secret will be inherited from Robin to Robin, Batgirl to Batgirl

Bruce is a father — providing, stern, careful

But Batman? They each came from his symbol, his cloth, his rearing. And Batman is a much more violent creature when it comes to protecting those who have his mark.

i just—

Note: this is after my experience of watching the first 7 1/2 episodes of Stampede. I have not dared Stargaze

I hate it.

I don’t think there’s a single choice I like. Some are small things: showing Vash’s backstory in the first episode, Meryl’s now a journalist which is objectively less funny than an insurance agent. One small change that felt like a slap in the face was Wolfwood from a priest to an undertaker: they make fun of the other profession in Stampede.

But big reasons I hate it?

I hate that in the first episode his reason for not killing people is he doesn’t want to use his gun because “bullets are expensive” instead of his philosophy of love and peace and we see his skill with a gun so that he can actually get in a gunfight and not kill people.

I hate that Wolfwood’s inevitable betrayal was set up in the first episode he appears in so there’s no reason to get attached.

I hate that Meryl looks fifteen and is a rookie and doesn’t have a gun instead of being a goddamn adult and the senior agent and known as “derringer Meryl”.

I hate that instead of just not having Milly, she’s replaced by a drunk man.

But Mediatherapy! You might say. It’s a prequel! They have to *evolve* to where they’re going to be.

First off, I call bullshit. All the main characters but Millie are there, the main plot starts, main villains appear, even plots loosely based on the original show’s adventures appear. The only thing that kinda makes it a prequel is July (so I’m told) happening at the end, and, in my opinion, that’s just an adaptation futzing with the timeline.

But let’s say Stampede is a prequel. It’s a bad prequel. It’s too scared to have new adventures with new characters, with a new overarching plot. Changing virtually nothing and calling it a prequel because the timeline of one event changes is lazy as hell.

TL;DR: just watch the original.