나는 alcohol-free 근데 취해 (취해, 취해)

see also:

and:

Sorry if this is incoherent im scrolling at work and keep having thoughts about this

I'm sympathetic to the fact that people wrongfully paint trans women as predators, because that's been a harmful stereotype for decades and decades by now, and I do think it needs to be combatted. But I think we agree that the best way to fight it is by pointing out that there's nothing about being transfem that makes one more likely to be predatory in any way. "Pedophiles are good, actually, so it doesn't matter if pedophilia is transfem culture" is a wild take that only perpetuates rhetoric that get trans women harmed in real life, not to mention how harmful it is to children and survivors of CSA to claim that pedophilia is a harmless sexual orientation akin to being LGBT. In my opinion, young transfems are especially put at risk by the way this discourse has gone, since now they're being presented with the idea that any community that accepts them must also accept open pedophiles.

is wanting to be a wife and mother a requirement for being a woman?

why might OP be annoyed with replies assuming that this post is about being aroace or transmasc if a woman doesn’t want to be a wife or mother?

are there reasons unrelated to sexuality and romantic interest that might make a woman not want to be a wife or mother?

are there reasons unrelated to gender identity and expression that might make a woman not want to be a wife and mother?

core concept: what is gender essentialism?

is it gender essentialism to imply that all women inherently want to be wives and mothers? could this be what OP is critiquing?

look at the notes OP responds to. is it gender essentialism to imply that being a wife and mother is so affixed to womanhood that to not want to be those things means you’re incapable of sexual/romantic feelings, or not a woman?

see also:

and:

Stop leaving lesbians out of your pride posts!

The L is there to highlight the specific struggles of lesbians, to highlight how misogyny and homophobia intersect for lesbians specifically (i’d like to note that bi & pan women also deal with this, but in different ways), how we face a different stigma than gay men. Leaving lesbians out of your pride posts ignores these things and ignores the history of lesbians in the LGBT community. It’s lesbophobic! 

Lesbians asking you to stop ignoring us is not us asking for too much. Lesbians asking to be recognized is not asking for special treatment. If you think so, you’re lesbophobic.

A person who doesn’t like pizza might agree to get pizza for dinner because they know it’s their significant other’s favorite food, and they want to do something nice for their partner.

An asexual might have sex with their significant other because they know they like sex, and they want to do something nice for their partner.

First off, there is no reason for the two of you to have to eat the pizza. If a partner knows you don’t like pizza and asks to have pizza together once a week, they are a fucking asshole. They can have pizza by themselves (so, jerk off) or you can agree that sometimes for dinner they can have dinner with friends and they can have pizza together (open relationship where the partner who wants sex can fuck other people).

Pizza is not an essential need, neither is sex. There are people who might be horny more often, have higher libidos, and in that case–if not having pizza/sex that often makes them sO unhappy–you need to consider that you might be compatible partners. If one partner consistently craves something the other partner does not enjoy and their happiness hinges on having it together, that’s not a happy, healthy relationship. Partners with mismatched libidos can make it work but sometimes they can’t.

If Partner A values sex so much they are expecting it from Partner B who does not like sex, they are putting their own “needs” (read: wants because, again, sex is not a need) over their partners comfort in their own body and wants to use Partner B’s body as a tool to get what they want.

Pizza doesn’t work that way. You don’t need the other partner to eat pizza to enjoy pizza yourself. A more apt comparison would then be expecting your partner to make you pizza, sometimes on a daily/weekly/monthly basis KNOWING they won’t eat/enjoy the pizza themselves. That is selfish and toxic. “Honey, spend significant portions of your time in a hot kitchen, sweating your ass off making food you will never enjoy yourself because I expect it of you.” (Adding to this is misogyny, women are raised to to believe it is their duty to serve men in terms of food and sex, so you cannot easily say “Well, she consented to it, so it’s fine!” Consent in a world where sex is expected and saying no can have violent reactions is more complicated than yes/no.)

Another way pizza isn’t the same as sex is the level of intimacy. No matter how much you enjoy or don’t enjoy a food, it is not intimate and having food (in 99.99% contexts) is not an act of potential violence. Mom made me eat brussel sprouts when I didn’t want to is not the same as my spouse made me have sex when I did not want to. There is no equivalence to be found; eating food you do not like is not rape. “I ordered food and it didn’t taste good” isn’t the same as painful, uncomfortable, or unwanted sex. Sex that doesn’t feel good is infinitely more traumatizing than food that doesn’t taste good.

In fact, enjoyment of sex also depends on factors like attraction and arousal. Literally, a body cannot relax to the point of it being PAINFUL and even tearing if there is no arousal or enjoyment. A tighter vagina is a sign of tension or lack of arousal and can lead to micro-tearing, lack of lube production and therefore even more tearing, and physical and even psychological harm.

Sort of like how eating food that lacks nutritional value all the time will affect you physically and even emotional/mental harm over time. Sex without attraction, arousal, and mutual enjoyment does the same. “Attraction and arousal aren’t the same thing!” is a good argument but arousal without attraction is actually something that happens in coerced sex and isn’t the point you want to be making, lmao. “If I stimulate them enough, they’ll physically respond but won’t find me any more attractive” isn’t a good argument and is in fact very, very horrifying.

Sex is one of the few things that should not be a compromise and should be something mutually and equally enjoyable. Most things should be mutually enjoyable in a relationship but there are some things that can be broken down a bit–if I want the bedroom’s tv to play overwatch for an hour and my partner wants to play a horror game for an hour after that and neither of us enjoys the game our partner is playing, that’s fine. “You’re gonna suck me off and maybe I’ll watch your favorite youtuber with you later” is not.

“But asexuals can still enjoy sex and want sex and have libidos!” Wanting to have sex with someone you like as a person is sexually attraction. This is why most of society does not separate romantic/sexual attraction because like… wanting to have sex with someone is both romantic and sexual attraction. Wanting to fuck someone you really really like is sexual attraction, even if you don’t like them for their looks or whatever.

Also, that makes NO fucking sense in regards to your pizza comparison. “People who don’t crave pizza can enjoy the taste and… crave pizza and want pizza.” What?

Not to mention… ace is an identity. Your relationship to pizza is not. What value does ace have if it doesn’t mean an aversion to sex? Gay means “NOPE! The opposite gender is NOT for me!” Straight means “Naaaaah, the same gender is nooot for me y’all!” What the fuck does ace mean then? What is the boundary of asexual?

If you said you don’t like pizza, people don’t expect you to have fucking pizza, let alone regularly say you want it and that you have it constantly. What the fuck does ace mean you don’t experience sexual attraction but you’re attracted to the idea of having sex?

Not to even mention the idea of sex repulsed aces being told that it’s still healthy to have sex which I guess is comparable to people being lactose intolerant/gluten sensitive/allergic to tomatoes being told that it’s still find to eat pizza with all of those things.

(The replies)

"Hey, I'm a man and this hurt me worse than anything else in the world. My wife left me this morning and this post was my final straw. I'm standing in my bathtub right now with a pistol in my mouth and it's your fault you bitch. You bitch. You cunt bitch"

"Aaaaand this right here is why everyone hates lesbians."

"What about trans men????? You're saying you hate trans men??? You're saying you want all trans men to kill themselves??????????"