skunk

Captive adult male giant Asian mantis, Hierodula pulchripes, Mantidae

When Selena Soto had turned to her in the middle of the bar, voice rough, and said “Have you ever kissed a woman?” Morgan had been blindsided for multiple reasons.

Oh. Oh. Things made sense now. Morgan took a sip of her drink, moreso to keep her mouth busy. The divorce with Hector. Soto had mentioned it before. Was this a confession? A request to kiss? With Morgan and Soto? The two of them? Her face heated and Morgan panicked briefly. She wasn’t a fool. She knew she was attractive in face, body, and personality. Men and women had hit on her. Asked her out, or stared at her a little longer than normal with pupils too dilated. She could always notice. But Selena just looked at her with that steady gaze, dark eyes meeting her bright blue eyes without flinching. The question seemed to hang heavy in the air, though it had almost been drowned out entirely by the music in the bar. In fact, the two women were the only ones who had heard it, heads ducked closed together - like many people at the bar.

Selena Soto blinked expectantly, slowly, in a way that reminded Morgan of cats. Morgan was aware that Selena was shorter than her - especially when Morgan was wearing heels. She was acutely aware that Soto had to look up to meet her eyes, and even more aware of the soft floral scent of Soto’s shampoo.

“Yeah,” Morgan answered, setting her drink down. She attempted to infuse the singular word with all of the casual calm that she could. In through her nose, out through her mouth. Maximize oxygen intake, calm down her nervous system.

Lieutenant Selena Soto said nothing, just tilted her head in a gesture that Morgan knew meant “elaborate.”

“You know.” Morgan shrugged. Nonchalant. She could project nonchalant. “I like everyone.” It was true. She’d had boyfriends, girlfriends, partners who didn’t identify with any gender. The gender of a person didn’t really matter to her. There were so many other things about people that she adored and was attracted to. “Why?” The noise of the bar droned on, but Morgan’s entire attention was on the Lieutenant.

Selena shrugged, dragging a finger through the condensation on the outside of her glass. She was a little drunk. She could feel the warmth flooding through her from the drinks, and her world spun slightly around the edges. The phrase liquid courage had always made her laugh, but it felt accurate now. No, maybe liquid idiocy. She took another sip, letting it burn her throat. “I think I’m gay,” Lieutenant Soto spoke. It wasn’t a full answer, more of an obfuscation. A distraction. It was true, though. That scared her. Her jaw clenched as she swallowed again. She wouldn’t lie to Morgan.

Morgan was aware of what the response should be - assured friendship, thank you for telling me. But she looked at Selena and knew she understood that already. Instead, Morgan focused on another part of the sentence. “You think?” Her tone wasn’t sharp or judgmental, nothing but curiosity and acceptance for her friend, for her coworker, for Selena. Morgan’s mind was sidetracked briefly. Selena, goddess of the moon. Selena’s silver hoop earrings winked in the dim light, crescent shaped to Morgan. If Selena was the moon, Morgan paused briefly and hoped that she would be the sun. No, what? No, focus. Focus. Jesus. Focus.

Selena shrugged, cleared her throat. She was aware of how close to Morgan she was leaning. She could smell her perfume, the scent of her laundry detergent that Selena Soto had become accustomed to. “I thought it had to be men. That was my only option. A husband. But that felt wrong.” She frowned, pausing, and took another sip of her drink. Morgan glanced at her own drink. Should she take a sip too, to mirror her behavior? That was sometimes reassuring to people. No. She wanted to be as sharp as possible. She hated feeling out of control in public.

“I get that.” Morgan spoke slowly. “And you’re realizing that might not satisfy you?” She tried to choose her words carefully.

Selena nodded. “Exactly. And now that the girls are out of the house, well…” she trailed off, gesturing vaguely.

“Yeah.” Morgan understood the sentiment. She watched as Soto dragged a finger through a ring of condensation on the table. This bar charged enough for their drinks that there should be coasters. Though, the table felt waxy and sticky under Morgan’s finger pads. Maybe it was a type of waterproofing. Maybe it was a coating of spilled drinks and oils from people’s hands. Selena lifted those unreadable eyes again, meeting Morgan’s, and every thought about tables left Morgan’s mind. She swallowed hard. God.