desperate machine

This is how i want to be loved then I'll love them i tell u i will

I cant be comfortable in my loneliness

I need a praiser i need something to crush

Then I'll snort the powders

I'm sorry i am sorry

I am not committing

I am not committing

I am not committing

And maybe one day I'm gonna have a solid idea on my life and what i wanna do with my art

I am jealous of people who just knows what they wanna do

I never do

I dont have much

But im watching cartoon and playing game and enjoying it

And distracting myself from everything i got to do

I need big sleeves

I cant do anything right

I talk and talk and talk about getting better and doing things more responsible

Only to fucking be lazy around as i always do

I am so lazy

My brain can't get anything done

I get sleepy the moment i feel not enoguh stimulated

I daydream after every minor inconvenience

I get distracted and distracted and distracted and distracted and distracted

I say that "im gonna fix things while i have time!!" And then my lazy fucking brain shuts itself down and leaves me unable to keep my promises

I dont wanna talk about myself anymore

I cant do nothing i say

And it's probably not even because i said them aloud

Because i don't fucking do %9999299199 of the things i think i should do

saying them aloud gets my laziness perceived

Everything is so fucking fixable everything is in my hands but why can't I stop this fucking train that's going off of a cliff

I've been this way my entire life

I dont know what the other way feels like

I had a glimpse of responsibility time to time

Im lucky that i dont have a job or a family or a fucking addiction

Because with that will of mine i couldn't deal with anything more than my **simple** self

I know my friends has already noticed the pattern

I know everyone looks down on me

I know i am already unreliable for them

I know i lost my privilege to be taken serious long time ago

I should prove myself to be responsible

</3 I dont know maybe i wanna be taken seriously and not disappoint anyone at the same time </3

lesbians

What happens when you forgive

How do i know when there's something to be forgiven

I practiced socialization a lot (through the internet tho)

I'm trying my best to make a few people i like being around comfortable but i fucking distance them in the end

Because i don't fucking know anything about who i am

Im acting in a play for so long

I dont know

I feel so detached from whatever i say

It's not a new feeling

Im jealous of introvert people who are okay with not being talkative

I most of the time don't feel like saying things but do it anyways because i don't feel comfortable in my silence