master of puppets

That's it, we've all got that place that feels like home, whether it's a house, a city, a meal, whatever it is, that's what keeps us going before we head back out into the world again. Some albums feel impossible to listen to from beginning to end nowadays, they just feels disjointed. I know most artists still try to put their songs in an order that flows just right, but like none of the songs lead into the other or anything like that. I sound like an old man, ranting about "music in my day" but people still love that shit for a reason.

yeah, everyone definitely has that one thing that brings them back to themselves. those little things end up meaning so much because they're the constants we carry around with us. we're both old men, then. which is a wild thing to say since i'm only thirty-two. some albums almost feel like a film you can put on whenever you need it, and i do it often, probably more often than movies though. i love when you get to the end and realise you've been taken on an actual journey.

Thanks, Joe. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened had I allowed my doubt to consume me. Where would I be? What would my life look like? Then I remember that's not a road I really want to walk down. There are so many people I met because of Stranger Things, people who have become so important to me and your friendship in particular has always meant the world. You really think so? Thank you. Yeah, I've tried to stay grounded, any other reality would make me hate myself. I can say the same for you though. Even with all the huge projects you've bucked, I know you're still the same down to Earth guy I met all those years ago and that's really comforting. Like I would want to get rid of any of you. I'm part of the family now and I'm not trying to wiggle out of that. Clearly, I love being surrounded by the Brits. No complaints from me, thanks for inviting me into the inner Quinn workings. That sounds amazing. Can't wait to give you the biggest hug and tell you how proud I am of you in person.

it's a good thing you only have to wonder about it, because it's not your reality. all those little doubts and what-ifs can be tempting to revisit, but it's good that you know how to stop them from coming to you. look at where you are now, look at all the people you've met and the lives you've touched because you kept going. i'm really grateful that one of those people ended up being me. stranger things gave us a lot of incredible things, but the friendships are probably the part i'll always treasure the most. the learnings, too. you've always felt like family, and that hasn't changed just because life has gotten busier or we've all gone off and done different things. thank you for saying that, because it genuinely means a lot! i think staying grounded is something we both care about. i'm glad you're not trying to escape the family because i don't think we'd let you anyway. you've been officially adopted at this point, no way out. i can't wait to see you either, get that hug, and be too emotional for my own good. but that's what family does, right? we get to be annoying and supportive in equal measure.

And as we both know, a happy Anya and Joe is always the preferable option. A girl has to find ways to keep herself entertained and it happens to humour me how suspenseful you find the entire thing. I think I change yours views on life each day you spend by my side, this is just a cheeky add on. If you think I'll be spending more time judging your towel thread count than I will hopelessly following you around, in desperate need for you attention, than that's a you issue. Have you ever had complaints about your towels prior to this? Sounds like you have a little trauma there. Okay, now that was smooth. You know how I feel about you, don't you, Joe? I find you to be the single most fascinating man I've ever spoken with. You're kind and witty, you make me laugh like no one else and you're so passionate about the things you love. It also doesn't hurt that you're rather easy on the eyes. I want to spent this time with you, I want to see those little intimate details of your life up close, but mostly I enjoy being with you, in any capacity you'll allow. Well, that's very much what I was hoping you were going to say. Hopefully that means you'll be eager to get to me the moment shooting ends for the day. I'll have been thinking about you for hours. You're far too sweet for your own good. I could get toothache just speaking with you. It had better not change. I plan on being in your life for a very long time and I don't want to compete with anyone else. Who says I want to get rid of you? No. I'm far too happy to have you at my home, becoming a permanent fixture along with the furniture. That sounds like a rather lovely future to me.

you're mean, but i'll allow it because it's you. and yes, you do, love. unfortunately for me, you've figured out exactly how to say things that completely disarm me, so now i just have to accept the consequences. although i still maintain that the towel situation was a very serious matter and not some trauma, i swear. but i've come to really love the things you do that i never liked before, you stealing my side of the bed, leaving your things around my place, knowing where everything is without asking, us coming back home and seeing you get comfortable. it's strange how quickly something can start feeling so natural. i used to think letting someone into those ordinary parts of my life would feel intimidating, but with you it's felt... right. oh, i know but a guy loves to be reminded... and of course, you know exactly how i feel about you too. hearing you say those things still catches me off guard, even though i should probably be used to it. i don't think i'll ever get tired of the way you look at me, i'm crazy about you and that's the truth. and if you're already becoming a permanent fixture around here, i should probably warn you that i have no intention of making it easy for you to leave. i quite like having you around... more than i probably know how to put into words. so if you were to tell me you have to leave me, for weeks, months, whatever... i might lock you up.

So, what I'm hearing is any song could become a British anthem so long as it's catchy enough? That makes so much sense now, because while I was living in London, I realised pretty much everyone over there as adopted Mr. Brightside as their own. I'll admit, you guys sing with such passion, I'm almost jealous I'm not singing right alongside you. Well, not normally. Jude Bellingham invited me to the last game and I sang Wonderwall with the crowd at the end and so I guess for a couple hours, I was an honorary English girl. Okay, I get you. A healthy fan expierence then. Some soccer fans actually scare me, but it's nice knowing some people can be casual about it. The world cup brings your country together then? I hear it does the same for many people around the globe. It's a pity America never really picked up the whole soccer thing on the same level. For your sake, I'll be rooting for England to win. I want to see you jumping up on a table. You can try and drag me along, but I'll probably be too busy laughing and recording you.

i'm not surprised at all that you ended up singing wonderwall. once you're in the middle of a crowd like that, it's almost impossible not to get swept up in it. i'd say that definitely earned you honorary english status for the evening. maybe forever. call me when you start belting out mr brightside in a pub at closing time and there'll be no going back. and yes, the world cup really does that over here. for a few weeks it feels like everyone's talking about the same thing, celebrating, or sulking, together. it is really special, and we were close this year, which i think all of us appreciate even if we didn't make it to top 1. that's nice that you supported us! even if we lost to argentina in the semi-finals, but at least spain got revenge for us in the final, so i can't complain too much. and we won against france, which is pretty cool, and everyone was so cool and nice about it. finishing third is definitely better than going out in the quarters, isn't it? although... maybe don't tell kylian i said that.

Your secrets safe with me, you know that. Wouldn't want to cause any harm to your reputation now, would I? Can't lie, it's always nice to hear I'm being missed by the only man who owns my heart. As much as I appreciate facetime, it's a terrible replacement for the real thing. Can't hug you through the lens, can I? The more I think about it, the more depressing that reality becomes. Seems to me like the world is trying to over compensate for all the time we had together during season four and is unwilling to compromise and allow us a generous dose of Joe squared these days. Little does the world know, I would move the heavens for you. How's filming going?

thank you, baby. that's one of the many reasons i love you. and don't make me think about facetime too much because you're right, it's a rubbish substitute. i can't hold you, i can't annoy you properly... it's just not the same. i refuse to accept that the universe has decided we've hit our decade quota of joe squared after season four, that was forever ago, mate! and for the record, hearing you'd move heaven and earth for me is so romantic i might've fallen in love with you a little bit more. i hope you know i'd do exactly the same for you without thinking twice. filming's been going really well, though. i've had a pretty wonderful visitor keeping me company whenever i get home completely drained and exhausted, and that's been the best part of it all. how's tour going?

i'm with you on that one, man. zombies start climbing or running? i'm throwing myself out a window. hm, let's go with comic relief. we'll need lots of that if we're ever forced to fight for our lives. that's a worry for future joseph and drew though. how's your summer going so far, man? still knee deep on that Beatles movie?

whoever came up with the idea that zombies can sprint at full speed clearly had a ridiculous death wish. i mean, what was wrong with the slow ones? at least those gave you a fighting chance. yeah, keep morale up. future joseph and drew can deal with all the life-or-death decisions, we'll just hope they know what they're doing. we get the odd break here and there, but i'm mostly confined to england at the moment. can't really wander too far from set. we're still plugging away at it, though, and i still have those little moments where i stop and think how is this my life. it's a pretty surreal feeling. what about you? i saw you've got a show coming out! how's that all feeling? excited? nervous?

not at all, it is all the credit you deserve. i won't hear otherwise. it is going to be so interesting to see him in a different role in the universe, but i am excited about it. it really changed cinema, he gave us so much and i will forever be thankful because i am a comic book nerd at heart. that must be insane! i love that for you, i cannot wait to see you shine up there.

yeah, me too! i bet it's going to be so strange seeing him and not instinctively expect tony stark to be on the other side of that mask. i think that's just a testament to how iconic his iron man was. but if there's anyone who can make people completely forget those expectations and buy into a whole new character, it's him. thank you so much! i really hope we don't let you down, especially knowing you're a comic nerd. we've poured so much into this, and i can't wait for people to finally see it. although i have to laugh a little at the discourse surrounding the poster. apparently having too many men on one sheet of paper is now enough to spark a week-long debate. i'm quietly confident that once people actually sit down and watch it, those conversations will disappear pretty quickly.

That is beautifully put I want you to know this more than anything. There is a strange, quiet grief in any unanswered question, mostly because suspense forces you to keep the door open and guessing. You’re trapped in a perpetual negotiation with the maybes of it all and that’s a brutal and you can lose way too much sleep over it. Disappointment, for all its sharp edges, is at least more solid ground. It's at least a door closed not part way open. Finding people who will willingly grab a shovel and dig into any party of your mind is insanely rare It’s the ultimate green flag in anyone in my inner circle. Congrats on the inner circle badge. The world is full of people who want to keep conversations polite and talk more about themself than someone else. But the ones who will happily spend hours building a meticulously detailed convos actually listening are rare.I quite like that about us, too. There’s something brilliant about knowing that no matter how ridiculous the premise, we both got each other figuratively and literally in it. So, what is going to be completely inconsequential topic we're overanalyzing? I've got my shovel ready.

that's exactly it. it's exhausting because your brain never gets permission to stop. it keeps wandering back to the same crossroads, convinced this time it'll find a different answer, even though the road hasn't changed. at least disappointment lets you put flowers on the grave and move on. and thank you for the promotion to the inner circle! i'll wear the badge with great pride. i think you're right, though. it's incredibly rare to find someone who's just as interested in exploring an idea as they are in expressing one. most conversations feel like waiting for your turn to speak. i like the fact that ours feel like we're both putting our two cents in. alright, i've got one that feels very on brand for us. do you think closure is actually something another person can give you, or is it just something we convince ourselves we need because it feels easier than accepting we'll never have all the answers? and does that mean closure was ours to give ourselves all along? or is that just something people say when they never got the conversation they were hoping for? i genuinely can't decide whether i find that comforting or depressing.

it has. i would never forget you at all. tour and everything has been a lot. surprised i'm not exhausted from all this. that's good to hear. we were in spain for a bit with our shows which was a lot of fun. the fans there made it all worth it. i can imagine all the beautiful places you've been seeing though. makes me wanna see photos. tour has been going well! each show is a lot of fun even if it's a lot of work doing shows back to back sometimes. i'm enjoying myself a lot though.

that's good to hear, i wouldn't forget you at all either! you always look like you're having the time of your life up there, even if i know doing shows back-to-back must take it out of you. now i'm sad we almost crossed paths, and that i didn't make it to one of you guys shows! it really is beautiful, especially around golden hour. i think you'd like them. but i'm really happy the tour's going so well. i hope you're making the most of every city and not just seeing the places where you're performing and your hotel room. i'd hate for all those beautiful places to become nothing more than a blur.

the dedication is almost admirable. they really do take the worst possible photo they could and its always so far away. they see the outfits, the wigs and all of it. what people don't realize is that it was the standard back in the day. so i don't think they are getting much from it? they really do and i know we're probably going to be responsible for introducing them to a new generation. though they are timeless. mate, why are you bringing that up? have you missed me basically having an anxiety attack every single day? so much pressure!

you've got to understand where they're coming from. they're not getting these films for another two years... that's more than enough time to completely lose their minds. they already know exactly which gig we're filming on any given day, which honestly doesn't surprise me in the slightest, they know those four blokes' lives better than they know their own. i'm still wondering what theories they came up with after those photos of you and paul grabbing chips from a food truck. it's pretty amazing when you think about it. getting to play a tiny part in introducing them to people who might never have sat down and listened otherwise...that's mad! i told paul recently, if anyone can carry that weight, it's you. i'd still much rather be worrying about doing this justice than wondering what would've happened if i'd never had the chance at all.

Fortunately, you have a few too many ways to keep me happy and you use all of them to your advantage. Can't give away all of my secrets, I have to keep you guessing, but just know those perks will change your view on life. You're always so good to me. Don't stress yourself out too much, darling, I'm really not that much of a difficult guest to please. So long as the sheets are changed, I'm sure you'll pass the test. Do I make you nervous, Joseph? That's so cute. Thank you for asking, I'm excited to play guest in your home. Can't wait to see the way you actually live. Now I'm getting a real glimpse at the inner workings of your mind and that's particularly exciting for me. The more I know about you, the better. You're right, I plan on spending as much time with you as I can. It isn't often we have this kind of opportunity. Picking you up from work is the least I can do. Can't wait to see your face after a long day of being deprived of it, your smile always cheers me up. I'm your favourite girl? Well, that's certainly nice to hear, especially seeing as I'm kind of smitten with you too. It would have been rather devastating to know some other women was on your radar. I don't think I would ever recover. Let's see how this stay goes first. If we like it, maybe next time you can stay at my place.

well, nothing better than having all these ways to make you happy! a happy anya means a happy joe. you enjoy keeping me in suspense, don't you? now i'm going to be imagining all the possibilities. "change my view on life" is a dangerous promise to make, love. don't lull me into a false sense of security by saying you're an easy guest. it doesn't matter 'cause i still worry whether i've folded the towels the right way, which i never cared about by the way. yes, you make me a little nervous, but only because i actually care what you think, in general but about me specifically. i love you getting to see my little corner of the world, though. it feels strangely personal letting someone into all those ordinary bits of your life. i can't tell you how much i'm looking forward to seeing you waiting for me after work. that little fact will be in my mind throughout the day, just so you know! you're so cute, yours has exactly the same effect on me. i feel my defenses going down when you smile at me. yes, favourite girl. i don't think that one's changing anytime soon. as for staying at your place next time… can't say i haven't already imagined that. if this visit goes half as well as i think it will, you might struggle to get rid of me afterwards.

Now you're thinking like me. I'm so proud of you. It's true and hey, there would have definitely been a Nancy Wheeler. She was still a character... she just wouldn't have looked like me. Fortunately, I did show up and now I have you in my life. Funny how things work out so perfectly. I wouldn't change a single thing about it now. At the time, I was so tired of going to auditions and hearing nothing back, but it all worked out well in the end. I'm really happy for you. The moment we started working together, I knew big things were going to happen for you and look how far you've came. Well then, I'm officially a Quinn and don't worry, I'm fully committed to this family. No half measures around here. You're too kind. Can't quite believe I'm lucky enough to have someone like you as a brother. You're right. Tell me when you're free and I'll pack a bag for a couple days. It will be nice to see in you the flesh again.

everything worked out exactly the way it was supposed to. i genuinely can't imagine anyone else being nancy, so i'm glad you never gave up because you weren't getting past the audition process. selfishly, it means i got one of the best friendships to come out of this whole mad experience! i'm really happy for you too, you know. not just because of everything you've achieved, but because you've stayed exactly the same person throughout it all, and that's much harder than people realise. don't make me emotional with all this quinn family business... you've absolutely been adopted at this point, there's no getting rid of us now. i hope you're ready, i know you've dated a british so you've been received by a british family already, but this is yet another family you have! we need to actually make it happen. the second i've got a few free days, i'm calling you, and you're packing that bag.

I think I underestimated just how hard the fans go for soccer. Admittedly, I don't know very much about the sport, but I think it's pretty cute how well it brings people together. There must be something pretty special about it to have it mean so much to so many. Can I ask something though? Why Sweet Caroline? I mean, sure, the song hits and I guess it's a really nice, feel good anthem, but am I an idiot for thinking an English team would want to sing an English song? Neil Diamond is American. Nice to know you're not a climb on the table kind of fan, but more of a loving the person you're with when your team score fan instead. Do you watch soccer outside of the World Cup or are you only watching every four years? I feel like I'm learning so much about you right now.

that's the funny thing, we've all collectively accepted sweet caroline without really questioning why. i don't think anyone could give you a proper answer anymore. you're absolutely right that it's american, which makes it even stranger, but i suppose football fans have never been known for their logic. as long as it gets everyone belting out "so good, so good, so good," nobody seems to mind where it came from. i do watch football outside of the world cup too! not obsessively, but i keep up with it throughout the season. the world cup just has a completely different atmosphere, though. the whole country's watching the same match at the same time and that's got a bit of magic to it, right? if england ever win the whole thing while we're together, you can forget everything i've said about dignity because i'll probably be the one dragging you onto a table.

You being serious? Has hell frozen over too? Come on, we're Joe squared. You know I only function on this earth because I know I have you at the end of it. Can't wait to see you in that shirt, but I know how busy you are. Don't panic too much. There's always facetime until we can be face to face. Do you even have to ask? Of course I miss you. The world might be working against us, but you are always on my mind.

i know, i know… it probably caught you off guard for a second. don't get used to it, though, i've got a reputation to maintain. but i meant every word. i don't think i've ever doubted that we'd always find our way back to each other, no matter how ridiculous our schedules get. facetime's keeping me sane at the minute, but it's a poor substitute for actually being there and giving you a proper hug after a show. don't worry, that shirt is getting its moment eventually, and when it does, i'll be the loudest person in the room. now hurry up and let the universe give us a break because i'm getting tired of missing one of my favourite people.