dancing on the wall

i have to admit that i didn't know you'd voiced characters for video games until recently but it's made me want to dive into final fantasy, especially because i've heard such good things about the story. i'm not at all worried about spoilers here because if i do eventually get into it there's a solid chance i'll have forgotten any details, so: if you could voice any character other than your own, who would you choose? @jonsbailey

i'm always happy to be partly responsible for someone giving final fantasy a go because the story really is worth it. if you do end up playing it, though, i want updates. i'm always curious to hear what people think when they're experiencing that world for the first time. i had such a great time working on it, and voice acting is a completely different challenge from anything i'd done before. you lose all your usual tools, so everything has to come through your voice, which i found really exciting. uhm, i think i'd have loved a crack at a proper villain. they're always the ones who get the most deliciously dramatic lines. i suspect i'd have had far too much fun with it.

Did someone pay you to be this nice to me? What on earth is happening here? Don't worry, I think it's entirely impossible that you could ever annoy me. I'm far too invested in being your friend for that to happen. The interview call is a stroke of genius, especially seeing as I'm on two different press tours right now. I'll slip your name in every now and then and that will surly get the ball rolling in our favour. Being subtle doesn't get results. We have to be loud and incredibly annoying about this entire thing if we want it to work. No wonder everyone only says the best things after working with you. Your idea of a good time is making people laugh and that's entirely too wholesome. Sadly, I'm an easy target. I have no doubt you'll have me giggling like an idiot the entire time. If you're easy to make laugh too, God help us. The director would then watch the final project and realise a little laughter was worth it since we would create a cinematic masterpiece. There's no denying, we're actually pretty damn good at our job. I mean, there's a reason we're doing it.

no, no one! everything i say comes from a genuine place. i wouldn't say it if i didn't mean it. i feel really honoured that you're so invested in being my friend. i don't think you realise how much that means to me. i never expected someone like you to be so eager to get to know me better, let alone actively campaign for our friendship to happen, and i genuinely think that's incredibly sweet. it makes me feel very lucky. that's exactly the energy we need. forget subtlety. casually dropping my name every other answer until people start wondering why we're apparently attached at the hip sounds like a flawless strategy to me. before long, someone's going to cave and think, "fine, just put them in a film together so they'll stop talking about it." annoying brats... manifestation through relentless campaigning. i do love making people laugh. if everyone's having a good time, i feel like i'm doing my part, and i'm ridiculously easy to make laugh too, so we'd be an absolute nightmare together. the poor director would lose years off their life, but it all comes from a place of love.

I prefer the term gently guiding you toward your full potential. But fine, keep your guard up, it will make it all the more fun to tear it down. Don’t you worry about second-hand embarrassment, with everything in my career, I have a remarkably high threshold for your nonsense. Though I absolutely accept those terms, because I can honor someone who holds friendship above all else. If I’m bringing a clipboard, highlighters, my little pencils with the fluffy eraser ends. You’ll get color-coded graphs and maybe a very official looking participation.

that's a very diplomatic way of describing your campaign to wear down my defences, i'll give you that. i'm still keeping my guard up, though, if only to make you work for it. i appreciate your confidence in your tolerance for my nonsense because i do have a habit of exceeding expectations in that department. i feel reassured knowing our friendship can survive even that. now i'm even more invested in this report, by the way. frame the participation certificate while you're at it. you're absolutely right... the sore muscles were worth it. as soon as i've recovered, we'll have to do it all over again. suffer through it together.

i knew you'd be annoyed we've never been on vacation too, which is why i had to suggest it! and you never know, maybe we can make it happen, stage like we got kidnapped or something equally dramatic. or can you imagine if we actually got to work together and demanded a vacation as part of our process? talk about the best case scenario. i love all of these suggestions, though columbia's coffee region is so specific that i'm curious, not to mention the pictures of it look like heaven itself. also with you on scandinavia since every place there looks completely unreal. i went to singapore briefly and personally, i'd love to see more of there too, stay in a rainforest treehouse and the whole nine. and perfect! where are you at the moment, and how's it compare to atlanta? rating the daycation potential so we can start working our way up.

i knew you'd understand exactly where i was coming from! i think staging a dramatic kidnapping might genuinely be our best option. either that or we insist on a "mandatory post-filming recovery vacation" clause in our contracts the first time we work together. i'm sure nobody would question it. but when will that be? could be in years! and yes! colombia's coffee region has been on my list for ages. it just looks so peaceful, all the mountains, colourful towns, all the greenery... singapore, though, the rainforest treehouses alone are enough to convince the most hesitant person. right now i'm in munich filming, and i have to say, it's been lovely. it's obviously a completely different vibe to atlanta, less humid, a bit more relaxed. i'd give it a solid eight and a half out of ten on the daycation scale. plenty of cafés, parks and little spots where you can happily lose an afternoon.

And how wonderful! I adore Laura. We've shared some very special experiences over the years, and she's one of those people who brings so much generosity and intelligence into a room. You're in excellent company, so I'm delighted to hear you're having such a brilliant time making the film. I am a little jealous that I am not part of it. As for your supposedly scandalous life... I have to admit, I find that rather refreshing. People often expect our lives to be endlessly dramatic because of what we do. The quieter moments are usually the ones that matter most anyway. So I'm afraid I'm going to believe you. Although if anything outrageously entertaining does happen, you know exactly who to tell over that long-overdue lunch.

i can absolutely see why. she's been incredible to work with. she's one of those people who makes everyone around her feel completely at ease, and she's got the best stories. i've just been soaking it all in whenever she talks. i wish you were part of it too, it would've made set even better. we should work on something soon, though. i'm pretty busy at the moment and i bet so are you, but we need to make it a thing. i'm glad you believe me because i promise i wasn't trying to pull the wool over your eyes. my life is almost disappointingly uneventful most of the time. i think people would be terribly let down if they followed me around expecting this amazing life. don't worry, if i ever do stumble into something entertaining, you'll be the very first person i call, and i'll save the full story for that very overdue lunch.

do they? i mean i guess i can't test that theory out for sure since i do a fair share of complaining and laughing. maybe it all balances out and that's why i still look so youthful. most times, yeah. but it's all out of love. how was it like growing up with just sisters? i always wondered what things would have been like if we had one. that's amazing for me. i promise not to hit you up at like 3am for something though. we'll keep the advice to normal business hours unless there's some kind of deep emergency. it's a fun hobby, especially knowing just that, too. sometimes knowing makes it a little too easy though but if it's done right, you still get some amazing responses. nice, is it based off something already out there or a completely fresh concept? and munich isn't the worst place in the world to be. hope you're getting some downtime to properly enjoy. and okay, diva. i probably would have deserved that response though.

i don't know about that. they do say laughing gives you wrinkles sooner, but maybe you've cracked the code to keep the balance. it was actually great. i never really felt like i was missing out on having brothers, and looking back, i think it probably made it a lot easier for me to figure myself out. they're also all older than me, so i was the baby of them all. sounds good to me! my sleep schedule is already disastrous, so if you wake me up, you'd better have a life-or-death reason. i'm glad you have fun bothering them, pretty sure you have it in return! the script's actually based on real events, so that's been really fun to work on. some things have obviously been changed or dramatized a bit, but the core of it is true. munich's been treating me well, so i can't complain. i've managed to enjoy it whenever i've had a bit of free time. hey, i tried not to act like a diva and this is what i get.

❛ Oh, staaahp it! There was absolutely no way I was stealing that title from you — or even trying to share it with little ol’ me. You earned that one fair and square. Now… would a dual photoshoot together have been absolutely epic and dangerously hot? Without question. Honestly feels like the internet would’ve combusted a little bit. Though I’m convinced they’re saving the shared title for those Heated Rivalry fellas because those men seriously took over the past year. Also, the idea of turning this into a drinking game is actually incredible. One shot anytime someone mentions Sexiest Man Alive, Wicked, Top Gun, or Twisters while we’re at the bar? Dude, we’d be fighting for our lives by round three. ❜

i'm actually surprised you still haven't got the title. i mean, what are they waiting for? thank you, thank you. i think i earned it too… just kidding! or maybe not. i mean, everyone knows that when they offer it to you, you have to accept it, so it's not like i'm the most humble person in the world, right? oh, the vanity fair photoshoot was such a waste of what could've been if you and i had been in the same cover. oh well, maybe next time. hudson and connor are really attractive, definitely a sexy duo to put on a magazine cover. can't be mad if they go there, 'cause they truly belong in one. alright, i'm in! after a couple of drinks i'm barely able to stand, but i'm totally willing to do it just for the laughs.

true, but i also feel like that's sort of how a broship works. we trust that our brother in arms knows how to handle that kind of power and not use it against one. though knowing you, you're probably already brewing ways to take advantage of it. just know, i'm pretty but i'm not dumb. ahem, you and i both know it will always be your fault. you seem to forget that i know just how cheeky you are. king of mischief or whatever the hell. ay, you know what boomshakalaka sounds like? hear me out, it sounds like someone scoring a goal in football and the commentator just yelling it for the hell of it. either way, i'm bringing it back to see if it still holds power. expect me to drop it every now and then at random times. yeah, okay, but can you at least humor me for a second here? what i'm trying to make you realize is that you don't look forty and you're as handsome as they come. but were the scarves at least hermès or chanel? and if you say they were from primark, i will judge you. and don't laugh. HERE and HERE.

true, but that's exactly what makes it dangerous. the trust is there... until one day i convince you of something completely bonkers just to see if you'll go along with it. don't worry though, i'll only abuse that power responsibly. and excuse me, my fault? that's rich coming from the bloke who'd absolutely egg me on and then act shocked when i actually did it. we both know you'd be standing there going, "go on, it'll be funny," and the second it goes sideways, suddenly i've masterminded the whole thing. are you watching the world cup? i'm not exactly football-mad, but i might start yelling "boomshakalaka!" every time i see a bunch of straight blokes screaming at the telly just to see if anyone notices. it cracks me up thinking you're going to drop it into completely random situations like it's the most normal thing in the world. okay, okay! i'll concur and say i'm like a fine whisky. thirty-eight is distinguished, right? neither. they weren't hermès or chanel... i can feel your disappoint me from afar. those aren't bad at all. look at this.

what would you say if i invited you to a show? i reckon that you'd have a blast. i know you come from a posh theater background and i do love theater as well. i feel like you could use some mayhem for a couple of hours, what do you say? @jonsbailey

i'd say you'd picked the easiest person in the world to convince. i might come from a theatre background, but i've always admired performers who can command a crowd the way you do. and from everything i've seen, "mayhem" seems to be the perfect word to describe one of your shows. i reckon a couple of hours of complete chaos might be exactly what i need. i've been far too well-behaved and respectable lately, so perhaps it's time i reminded myself what it's like to be in the middle of a crowd that's completely losing its mind.

Mad at you? Never. That's actually impossible, believe it or not. You've got me for life. In fact, I was kinda worried you might be the one that gets bored of me. I couldn't live with myself if that were the case. Thank you for proving my point. Matching t-shirts and constantly commenting on each others instagram posts. That's the way to get the message across. Fans will love the interactions and big movie executives would be crazy not to cash in on that. Aww, you mean it? I have the biggest smile on my face right now. You made my day. Oh no. You love making people laugh and I'm the perfect target. You would use my weakness against me, but I would come back with vengeance. The bloopers reel might as well be shown at Cannes. I'm sure the crew would find our laughter infectious... it's the director we want to worry about. They're always so serious.

Of course not. Never, ever. I think you'd have to try incredibly hard to bore me, and even then I'd probably still be hanging around annoying you. So you can put that worry to bed. And see? I knew you'd understand the assignment. Matching T-shirts, relentless Instagram comments, the occasional interview where we casually mention how desperate we are to work together… subtlety has never really been our thing anyway. At that point, they'd have no choice but to cast us. Of course I mean it, I don't just say things for the sake of saying them. You are absolutely right, though: I'd use your weakness against you without a second thought because making people laugh is one of my favourite things. The only problem is you'd get me back immediately, and then we'd both be hopeless. The poor director would be wondering why they ever thought casting us together was a good idea, while the crew would be having the time of their lives watching us completely lose it.

Johnny Bailey, it's still an absolute honor that I had the privilege of losing People's Sexiest Man Alive to you almost a year ago. Truly, I was defeated by a worthy opponent. That said, I still haven't had the pleasure of taking you out for a celebratory drink. I think we're long overdue for correcting that, so we're going to have to make it happen a lot sooner rather than later.

Mr Powell! If anyone could've taken that win from me, that would've been you! I don't accept anyone else. We should've been declared joint winners and gone off for that celebratory drink together. Maybe this one will be your year! But you're right, we should definitely go for those drinks. First round's on me, I promise not to bring up People's Sexiest Man Alive... unless someone else does, in which case I'm contractually obliged to remind you that I have the title. I don't make the rules.

that would probably get me complaining even more so really, we'd just be in an endless cycle. i fear no dancing would ever actually get down. exactly, so everyone can breath easy and let us do our own thing when we need to step away before we kill each other, you know? the catalog is deep for sure. i'm sure this is only the beginning when it comes to good advice. you seem like the type who would give it often. ehhh, maybe but it's funny getting them annoyed sometimes so it's worth it. that's awesome. what's the movie? and where are you filming? i'll cap it at just those two questions for now i promise. but congrats either that. that's exciting, man.

Well, happy to be stuck in that loop then! I think I'm getting the better end of the deal anyway, they say complaining ages you overnight, whereas laughing adds years to your life. Killing each other, though? Is that really how relationships between brothers work? I've only ever had sisters, three of them, to be exact, so I'm genuinely fascinated by this whole dynamic. I really am, actually. So now you know exactly who to come to whenever you need a good sounding board. I can't even blame you for winding your brothers up a bit. It's just too tempting, especially when you know exactly which buttons to press. It's a legal drama called Monsanto, and we're filming in Munich at the moment. I was gonna kid and say "one question at a time", but I'll refrain.