2 things i'm finally getting slash developing a palette for: painting and femmes. slept with this femme last night who's a painter. she had gameee, hook line and sinker she picked me up. i'm really loving getting picked up by femmes lately. i'm really craving effortlessness lately. which is the opposite of painting, that's why i love to look at it right now.
so, i met her at her bachelorette themed birthday party my friend (who i'm miserably and secretly in love with) dragged me to. i didn't even sign up on the list for 'competing' aka speed dating her, but she just came to find me after she was done with the list, asking our table if anyone still wants to date her, while standing right next to me. obviously she meant me, and i wasn't having a good conversation at my table so i thought yeah fuck it i'm bored. she touched me multiple times during the speed date and asked me if i wanted to chat more after the 'show'. when we finally did, it was just her and this other girl and me left of the party. other girl was working hard for that flirt, i just kicked back and observed a bit. painter girl did ask her for her number and If she wants to go on a date and other girl gave it to her, but the goodbye was kinda rizzless and she didn't even touch her once, so i'm thinking it was maybe just American politeness. but the second the other girl had left, i came to sit next to her on the couch and she immediately snuggled herself into my arms. not long until we kissed and went back to mine. hotttt fuck, she totally got my mascness asking me if she can touch me which was sooo hot. very very vocal as well. very very gay.
after she left, i really wanted to text the friend who took me there that i took her home. my friend was really putting in effort to sell me on the painter beforehand, kept saying i should totally date her etc. and that they could see it. they started to think of other people at the party that might match with me as well. which is all very cute and supportive but it just made me super sad. i confessed on the way to the party that i'm kind of not really available bc of having feelings for a friend. they asked me if it was a mutual friend i was texting frustratedly before, i said no, they didn't keep asking who it was... so, after the hook-up, i deleted the message joking around about "guess who i went home with." the idea of them reading it made my heart hurt. i just can't pretend to be bro-y like that even though i want to say thanks for taking me along, and haha look what happened because you took me. but i'm in love with you. and in my heart of hearts, i want them to figure it out so badly....
vaporwave
ellievsbear
jbbartram-illu
