Forklift-certified and not afraid to use it.

more women should have the body of a snake imo

more women should have 4 arms

"best I can do is going above and beyond the call of duty"

do i want to come to "the circus"? (apprehensive) describe it with two adjectives first

One time I came home from uni very upset and my younger siblings asked what's wrong. I said that mutated flies in our lab escaped because someone broke their jar. I didn't even realise how scary it sounded to them until I saw their faces lmao. I was upset because we were short on said flies (they don't reproduce very well) and my siblings thought that some crazy radioactive fly monsters escaped and we are all fucked now. Love being a mad scientist in their eyes lowkey

forget age gaps or differences in rank or whatever the most potently dangerous power dynamic in any relationship is "people like you more than me"

genuinely nothing is more corrosive to love, respect, or trust than the insecurity of forever being second and last in line. of always being the plus one but never invited; always tolerated on their behalf but never wanted on your own. of knowing that nobody's jealousy or admiration is about you at all, only your place at their side. you tell them that you feel like you only exist when you're with them, and they laugh, charmed, but it isn't a figure of speech. it's not enough that they love you best if everyone else loves them better.

cats always step precisely on your most sensitive areas when theyre crawling on you lovingly for cuddles. bladder dick ovaries boobs stomach bruise it doesnt matter. they have homing devices on their paws for the exact area you’re most tender at the moment and they put their full weight into that step. and sometimes they might keep their stance midstride so theyre just standing there forever forcing you to endure the pain. because they are simply too cute to get mad at

guys i liedddddd 😭😭😭😭😭 i actually want it 😭😭😭 i want it so bad 😭😭😭😭 i want it so bad its ruining my life 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭