Snake!!!SNAKE!

T.J. Maxx Recreates In-Store Shopping Experience With New Website That Randomly Scatters Products All Over The Place

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Hoping to capture the “unique essence” of its discount retail stores for online customers, T.J. Maxx unveiled a new website Wednesday that recreates its in-person shopping experience with a selection of miscellaneous products haphazardly strewn everywhere.

Company CEO Ernie Herrman told reporters that the site—which features a disorganized jumble of closeout name-brand apparel and home fashions alongside a random inventory of neck pillows, pill organizers, cocktail olives, and dozens of other items—would provide users with the same sense of disorientation that regularly overwhelms shoppers at the chain’s nearly 1,200 brick-and-mortar locations.

“When you visit TJMaxx.com, you’ll immediately be presented with an assortment of surplus clothing available exclusively in sizes that don’t fit you, just as you would if you actually walked into one of our stores,” said Herrman, explaining that all merchandise on the website has three to five different prices attached to it, or else no visible price at all. “Select ‘shoes’ from the drop-down menu, and you’ll see scores of the same pair of Dolce Vita pumps, a variety of sneaker styles for which only the left shoe is available, some Tupperware without lids, and the occasional ceramic owl.”

He added, “Longtime T.J. Maxx customers should feel right at home when they visit us online.”

GG EZ

(Facebook: It’s Okay To Be Childfree)

“Congratulations - you just made a conversation about salad and hamburgers about the struggle of childbirth.”

TBH Parentfriends, I’m probably tired of looking at pictures of your kid every other day, so I just hid you from my Newsfeed, because what’s important to you isn’t all that important to me. Sorry, not sorry, no one’s feelings got hurt.