Joey

This is mostly for Britain; I’m really sorry for people outside Britain I’m not sure which numbers will work and which ones you need but I promise they exist and they’re only a google away. This isn't a beggars can't be choosers moment. You choose which feels right for you and has the best chance of getting you through this. I believe you can get through this.

Samaritans: Day or night, free calls. Call: 116 123 Email: [email protected]

NHS Non-Emergency: Of course it’s an emergency, but this if you’re struggling but aren’t in immediate danger. Call: 111

NHS Emergency: If you need immediate medical or police intervention for a crisis. Call: 999

CALM; Campaign Against Living Miserably: Open 5pm to midnight everyday. Call: 0800 58 58 58 

Papyrus: Prevention of young suicide. HOPELINE247 Call: 0800 068 41 41 Text: 07860 039967 Email: [email protected]

Childline: Doesn’t appear on your phone bill if making the call puts you in any danger, if you’re under 19. Call: 0800 1111

SOS; Silence of Suicide: For everyone from 8pm to midnight weekdays, 4pm to midnight on weekends. Call: 0808 115 1505 Email: [email protected]

HELP IS AVAILABLE AND YOU DESERVE IT

Help is available, whether it’s family friends or someone you don’t know on the end of the phone whose only job is to help you and will do everything they can to do that. Please just look for help, you deserve it I promise you.

If it helps, share your story or any fiction or poetry you want to post.

Save our children; Those of the village are perishing. It takes a village to raise us And we are children despite ourselves.

It only takes one hurt though. Happy Pride, Herbie, and you all. There are those that hate you, But by God, you are loved.

From Ovidio to Rob: "Loved! Loved! Loved!" That's all you need to hear, Not that venom. I love you.

This month is all about love. Love each other so that we Don't make that horrible choice. Thank you Martha-

Your love is beautiful, all in the Legacy of Patroclus, Sappho and all. Happy Pride. Spread Love.

Standing with her Bow in hand, She takes her cursed aim.

Those she hits fear Her shackles of prophetic steel, Tying them to death.

Her arrow sets for a Young man below her feet; He is unaware of his fate.

Too youthful for death Yet her experienced eyes Seek his youthful soul.

On the ground, He is naive to the woman above Riding in the sky.

She borrows her chariot from A horseman riding with her same Apocalyptic goal.

How ironic it is that she should Survive this battle while Others fall prey to her.

However, she is not alone. She rides into divine conflict With her sisters of desolation.

I lay here at the end, Flipping through little pages. A library was too kind by Giving me a gift I can't return.

The plot is over; the action is done. We're at denouement- character's final moments Mourning the journey is all that's left. I don't want it to end.

Delaying the inevitable, I drink from a glass on my Bedside table, blanketed in dust. Cleaning seems... redundant.

I already rot in my bed, Haven't bathed in days, Subject to the dominion Of my ailment: withering plague.

Reading the last page and It is as bitter sweet as the Hero bleeds out and dies. Escapism abandons literature.

Ink has been spilled on the page And it scares me for it Looks like her blood; sounds like The knock at my door.

I wish to not be seen, Not as long as I decompose like this, But I cannot stop Death's Shadows from seeping through.

The darkness becomes a Man in a raven cloak. Like a gentleman, He takes his shoes off at the door.

He turns to me- A familiar man, he is. He's a frightful skull with no flesh. I fear the visage of Death.

No! I scream. I plead for life. So much life is left in me. God, Death, please release me. I am me; am not yours to take.

Are you Thanatos, approaching? I break my book's spine. Now it is a weapon To launch at him, my hunter.

His skull cracks but still He marches, targeting me. I know now he has done nothing To offend me, just his job.

Crisp pine air settles on my skin. The dew on my tongue and evergreen hues are Burnt into my eyes like a blissful memory Which waltzes with romance in my mind's eye.

The trees don't shed their leaves like snake skin But the tension changes as the rabbits Burrow for their pre-Winter harvest- A home to hide from the sharp bitter cold.

The hardwood roots die and the rabbits Feed on their nutrients, defecating it back to the soil. It is devoured their by worms writhing beneath our feet. We know not the extent of the compost.

It does not penetrate deeper than the rock: Slate grey and wood brown- Dull- still it shows the Colours of Earth From its unfathomable history.

It is yet uncharted by human books or imagination. The obsidian paints an igneous image of Volcanic eruption and violent seas Forever frozen in their dying moments.

Limestone fossils in sediment, layered through eons Depicts the endeavours of live conserved in The earth they sprang from and I sprang from later. I look deeper and it is hotter yet.

I have never seen so low where no life is found, Only its impression and the workings of the mantle To the solid iron core at every tale of physics. It's a dense centre from which all borrows strength.

Maybe if I look hard enough my head will take me To the brightest fantasy where this sphere, Deeper than we can conceive, is home to Koré So far away from Spring; Persephone.

Yesterday, I finished my first ever complete draft on a novel. It's certainly not perfect, with line editing issues and many developmental edits to be made, but I'm proud.

It’s your birthday in 2 hours and 6 minutes.

Years slip from our fingers like warm blood and people leave like they have that right; they don’t. I can promise you that now.

You’re turning 41, beautiful, but I don’t know if you’ll be that.

Are you forever 40? Ageless and lifeless? Or will you be 41 then 42 forever as long as your face is screened on televisions and your name is in your parents’ tears and your choker is in your mother’s dressing gown and your blood is still in your children’s and nephew’s veins? 

I wrote a message to you, addressed it to heaven and sent it off on a violet balloon. I promised I’d meet you again but I promised I’d make it take as long as I could and that you’d have to wait for me. Save me a seat because you’re gonna have to warm it for a while. 

If you receive it in 2 hours now, to the minute, will you be 40 still, or 41? Or maybe with each breath you didn’t get you regressed a year and you’re a babe now, waiting for your parents to feed you milk from the bottle when their time comes.

You’re 6 months and vulnerable but know not the horrors of mortal life.

In truth, 40 isn’t any less vulnerable but it’s so much more horrible, beautiful. That’s why you made that choice, right? 12 isn’t much better; we made the same choice. 

At least 41 brings reprieve, everlasting. I'm sorry it does, but you did what you did and no matter how much I miss you I can't be angry with you for making that decision. Save a seat for me. It'll take a while though because I promise not to make that decision ever again.

It'll never be a good thing you did, beautiful, but I hope you can find some light. What else is shining for us to live in your shadow?

Samaritans: Day or night, free calls. Call: 116 123 Email: [email protected]

NHS Non-Emergency: Of course it’s an emergency, but this if you’re struggling but aren’t in immediate danger. Call: 111

NHS Emergency: If you need immediate medical or police intervention for a crisis. Call: 999

CALM; Campaign Against Living Miserably: Open 5pm to midnight everyday. Call: 0800 58 58 58 

Papyrus: Prevention of young suicide. HOPELINE247 Call: 0800 068 41 41 Text: 07860 039967 Email: [email protected]

Childline: Doesn’t appear on your phone bill if making the call puts you in any danger, if you’re under 19. Call: 0800 1111

SOS; Silence of Suicide: For everyone from 8pm to midnight weekdays, 4pm to midnight on weekends. Call: 0808 115 1505 Email: [email protected]

I spit this upon your grave, Satan, With no rhyme, nor structure, nor rhythm, With the coordination of which you used To rape my immortal soul.

Can God forgive me but give you Hell? Do you think when he destroyed Sodom It was for our sins in Gomorrah? I can't scrub the Devil off me.

When you sought me sodomised, You sought my innocence destroyed Like a flower you trampled on.

You had me at my worst, But from you I became my best. I succeeded because I escaped your brimstone, Satan.

I am free to hear the morning birds or mourning mothers, Smell the morning due and yet still mourn The purity of a childhood you poisoned. Still, I wouldn't trade my place as the Devil's child. I am alive. How lucky I am.

Your friends will see your horns and whip-like tale And you will live no longer, A blessing to the world and I.

One day, I will abide by law and pay my dues, Damn me if a penny slips through justice's fingers And seeks home in your pockets, scum.

So I say now: Fuck you as you sought to fuck me. Still, I fear, what if the crown and Lord see me As devilish as you? What if I am vile as they say?

That I will never be, as we are wholly different. I love. I seek light. You will be left in the dark, Satan.

Samaritans: Day or night, free calls. Call: 116 123 Email: [email protected]

NHS Non-Emergency: Of course it’s an emergency, but this if you’re struggling but aren’t in immediate danger. Call: 111

NHS Emergency: If you need immediate medical or police intervention for a crisis. Call: 999

CALM; Campaign Against Living Miserably: Open 5pm to midnight everyday. Call: 0800 58 58 58 

Papyrus: Prevention of young suicide. HOPELINE247 Call: 0800 068 41 41 Text: 07860 039967 Email: [email protected]

Childline: Doesn’t appear on your phone bill if making the call puts you in any danger, if you’re under 19. Call: 0800 1111

SOS; Silence of Suicide: For everyone from 8pm to midnight weekdays, 4pm to midnight on weekends. Call: 0808 115 1505 Email: [email protected]

Greatness lies within An infant's freckles face. She's praised for her intellect. Seeds of a mind, artistic grace.

Stop- There be consequences of Illuminating her with short-lived praise. Your child will seek it Until her dying days.

Fifteen years in, fearing she Can do no better than her worst. Burnt from within searching for praise: Her everlasting curse.

The Fire Sonnet.

A burning sin, pulsing Through my veins with strife. It brings gorgeous anguish, Forever consuming all life.

Be it Prometheus' fire In my corrupted heart- Engulfs innocence, it and I; Worlds far apart.

Handle joy and pride yet Crumble to and worship That most sacrilegious flame. Burn, ambrosia; sacred lips.

Such sweet nectar flame, Forbidden from ever loving again.

The Water Sonnet.

Flow with life and strength, Most tremendous power. Birth's kings and lordly lions Yet still a delicate flower.

Be it too a true destroyer Bursting banks and marsh- it makes A forging art of its force, Vast seas and gorgeous lakes.

Found not only below shores Surrounding a swimming, serene mass, It falls from such high skies and Forms dew on verdant grass.

Azure, sapphire, bringing forth joy. Nature's great killer; Nature's joy.

The Air Sonnet.

A cold and warm truth, Bringing bitterness it lies And shows signs of Sun and kindness, Brining blizzard before our eyes.

It is terror and great dictator, Taken into our lungs. It be the all-mother, Lustful dancing on our tongues.

Air, the monstrous, most Bitter cold of morning. In grief it gives pathetic grey skies, A fallacy of mourning.

Omnipresent yet ignored by mind With the power to remove, and unbind.

The Earth Sonnet.

My life comes from you. Love, a mind that grows In your wake and from your soil. Beneath me in highs and lows.

You mark my years like A tree with its rings, Giving me but devouring All of me- everything.

Lord, how I want your teeth To sink into my skin, Rot my flesh and form. Your ground- I'm buried within.

From your fruits does my vitality flow. At the end, you are where I will go.

Samaritans: Day or night, free calls. Call: 116 123 Email: [email protected]

NHS Non-Emergency: Of course it’s an emergency, but this if you’re struggling but aren’t in immediate danger. Call: 111

NHS Emergency: If you need immediate medical or police intervention for a crisis. Call: 999

CALM; Campaign Against Living Miserably: Open 5pm to midnight everyday. Call: 0800 58 58 58 

Papyrus: Prevention of young suicide. HOPELINE247 Call: 0800 068 41 41 Text: 07860 039967 Email: [email protected]

Childline: Doesn’t appear on your phone bill if making the call puts you in any danger, if you’re under 19. Call: 0800 1111

SOS; Silence of Suicide: For everyone from 8pm to midnight weekdays, 4pm to midnight on weekends. Call: 0808 115 1505 Email: [email protected]

It’s a recurring curse In my mind, For a friend, or what should be To become much more.

I have scarred my wrists and thighs. Time and time again, I've rejected the friends  Afflicted by my curse.

But my closest friend- The curse blossomed between us. Not too many years ago, Friendship grew to love.

He wasn’t very loving, But we made love. I teased him And touched him with fear.

I tied trousers together, Bits of bedsheets, To get closer to him and To try and feel his breath.

I turned knives to my body  Because it was like A little piece of him was Hurting me.

I loved the affair, And my biggest fear Is that I still do, My love, my friend.

Samaritans: Day or night, free calls. Call: 116 123 Email: [email protected]

NHS Non-Emergency: Of course it’s an emergency, but this if you’re struggling but aren’t in immediate danger. Call: 111

NHS Emergency: If you need immediate medical or police intervention for a crisis. Call: 999

CALM; Campaign Against Living Miserably: Open 5pm to midnight everyday. Call: 0800 58 58 58 

Papyrus: Prevention of young suicide. HOPELINE247 Call: 0800 068 41 41 Text: 07860 039967 Email: [email protected]

Childline: Doesn’t appear on your phone bill if making the call puts you in any danger, if you’re under 19. Call: 0800 1111

SOS; Silence of Suicide: For everyone from 8pm to midnight weekdays, 4pm to midnight on weekends. Call: 0808 115 1505 Email: [email protected]

You oppress us. Not a soul on Earth has no handicap, No sex or sexual interest That would save us from your hate.

You give it freely, Unlike our rights and water, We are in dystopia- Your utopia. Ustopia.

Men are beat to death Under the hard, scalding Sun, For who they lay with and love. Do not call this liberty.

This while others be in gentle warmth, They parade flags of love they can freely give, They scream for the oppression Their brother's and sisters face.

They watch it from televisions The oppressed can't access. Knowing somewhere they are persecuted, They take to the streets.

It's a human issue. We watch sisters be dictated by fathers Who only care for how a woman's Body serves a man's.

Cultures are called uncivilised. Their only crime? Different skin. But their civilisations are rich with Beauty and colour. You make it grey.

You suppress bodies So they grow thin and sickly, While forcing a round belly on Those violated in your sacred nation.

It is astounding that I hate you More than I hate myself. I didn’t think it possible. It couldn’t be true, but it is, And I fear everyday  That you will be the reason I end up in my grave.

It satisfies me to think that While I rot and decay, Your mind will break With grief and guilt and shame, Because you deserve it.

You deserve every moment, And you make me want to turn my lips As blue as the ocean floor, Or maybe toss myself into the seabed, Because you would suffer  More than I would; Not that my suffering is a deterrence.

The suffering I cause myself satisfies me As your torment would, And living by your side, Standing as an object, Makes living not worthwhile. But, then I fear too The tides of mourning Would not enrapture you, But would make you Neptune To guide them as a god, To gain attention and sympathy.

My water would be your tool And that is why I am alive.

Samaritans: Day or night, free calls. Call: 116 123 Email: [email protected]

NHS Non-Emergency: Of course it’s an emergency, but this if you’re struggling but aren’t in immediate danger. Call: 111

NHS Emergency: If you need immediate medical or police intervention for a crisis. Call: 999

CALM; Campaign Against Living Miserably: Open 5pm to midnight everyday. Call: 0800 58 58 58 

Papyrus: Prevention of young suicide. HOPELINE247 Call: 0800 068 41 41 Text: 07860 039967 Email: [email protected]

Childline: Doesn’t appear on your phone bill if making the call puts you in any danger, if you’re under 19. Call: 0800 1111

SOS; Silence of Suicide: For everyone from 8pm to midnight weekdays, 4pm to midnight on weekends. Call: 0808 115 1505 Email: [email protected]

I’m still human after it all. Sometimes I feel monstrous, But I still have the human condition.

Between shame and loss, Beneath the disgust, I still have instincts and desires.

I am marked as human By the capability to love; The desire for intimacy.

But I once touched myself for you And that was vile and wicked, So can I touch myself again?

Would that have to be vile? Would it be wicked to enjoy my body Without you guiding it?

I’d like that So please say it’s true.

Samaritans: Day or night, free calls. Call: 116 123 Email: [email protected]

NHS Non-Emergency: Of course it’s an emergency, but this if you’re struggling but aren’t in immediate danger. Call: 111

NHS Emergency: If you need immediate medical or police intervention for a crisis. Call: 999

CALM; Campaign Against Living Miserably: Open 5pm to midnight everyday. Call: 0800 58 58 58 

Papyrus: Prevention of young suicide. HOPELINE247 Call: 0800 068 41 41 Text: 07860 039967 Email: [email protected]

Childline: Doesn’t appear on your phone bill if making the call puts you in any danger, if you’re under 19. Call: 0800 1111

SOS; Silence of Suicide: For everyone from 8pm to midnight weekdays, 4pm to midnight on weekends. Call: 0808 115 1505 Email: [email protected]

What was your first video game?

Feed your dashboard by answering my question, blogger.