local woman is very anxious.

I HAVE TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY FACE FROM LAUGHING SO MUCH!!

I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING

If you are religious, you have to assume other religions are wrong. But if they’re wrong, that means it’s possible for a man to create something so complex in its details that it can trick a billion people into believing it to be true. How do you know you’re not one of them.

It would be neat if Netflix doubled as a dating site, like “here are 9 other singles in your area that watched Homeland for 12 straight hours”

People in zombie movies never seem to have heard of the concept of zombies.

If you trust people as far as you can throw them that would make babies very trustworthy.

“What are you?” I am the Dragonborn. “No, I mean, what’s your gender?” Dragonborn, learn to listen better. “No, just tell me what’s in your pants!” Forty eight heads of lettuce and an enchanted battle axe. 

this is the most relatable thing i’ve ever seen in my life.

petition to make young adult authors stop writing about girls whose lives change when they meet a boy

When she saw him time slowed to a stop.  He was so perfect and she knew her life would never be the same because she had finally found him.  The one.  The first boy she would ever kill.