Stop, drop, and oh just please stop.
It should be noted that as I write this it is while just getting done deleting Tinder from my phone and trying not to choke on cookies while still laughing at the memories it has brought.
So first let me explain why I joined Tinder. I just moved back to my home state, same state but very different city then where I’m from. In between this move I was in the South for almost six years. Met some great people there and was sad to leave them behind but I am a midwest girl and it feels great to be back. However since I am almost three hours from my home city where my mom and brother and some high school friends still reside I decided to join Tinder to meet some new folks. Okay in all honesty I just wanted some eye/brain candy to accompany me to museums, restaurants and plays as I explored the city.
I now have a new appreciation for saying “table for one please”
A few things I noticed from my Tinder experience:
1. Chives may be more popular than Kale. I wish I would have recorded the number of profiles that had “KCCO” which according to my google search meant “Keep calm and chive on” but it was pretty much 1:4. Unless I am wrong and KCCO means something entirely different all together…
2. Guys like to tell you how tall they are. Also if it is not listed in their profile the first or second message will always involve them saying something about their height. I am not even 5′2 so I am rarely in a situation where height is an issue but I’m glad to know there is an abundance of men over 6′0 I can rest soundly tonight knowing the giants are here to protect us.
3. “crazy cat lady” needs to be reevaluated, a lot of guys love cats, like a lot, and they take plenty of photos with their cats. Shockingly only one listed “kitties and titties” he probably works in advertising.
4. Guys of Tinder have a death anxiety and like to remind you that life is short, like really short! Don’t waste a moment sleeping or picking your nose because life is short you must go out, golf, consume craft beer, adopt a cute puppy and never take time to trim your beard because life is short. Seriously every other profile listed something along the line of “life is short”
5. Speaking of puppies, I noticed the common occurrence of adorable puppies, ladies they are on to us. I am a sucker for a cute dog I once dated a guy for six months because I loved his boxer dog. I have always wanted 2 boxers and an English bulldog but at the time it was impractical for me to own any dogs.
7. back to reading is fancy, I needed extra space to clear my mind about this comment. Listed on my profile was my love for reading, I seriously don’t do this short life without my kindle nearby. Well Mr. tall, dark and easily impressed clearly did not read my profile and two considered “any type of reading is fancy in his book” that is one book I will keep on the shelf.
8. Guys are just as guilty as girls at taking the group shot or the pics of them and their hot best friend to trick you into liking their profile. well played, sirs.
9. Your profile is not complete unless there is an action shot of you playing golf or some sort of outdoor activity. I don’t know if it’s just because mid west guys love the outdoors (which is one of the reasons I love being back here) or because they just want to let you know that they know how to use the door handle and go outside.
10. I’m pretty sure most of these profiles were made while guys were drunk. Any potential matches involved a few messages before being asked for drinks. Even after informing them that I’m not a big drinker, it always came back to drinks, lets drink, beer and shot? why not just say you only date women who enjoy roofies cocktails or who’s ideal date is an AA meeting. Yikes!
germansingergirl
vaporwave
theartofmadeline
discoholicmusic
titsay