one of the funniest things about the sexyman poll is just how tenna would react to being in it. that thing would be an apocalypse event for the tv dark world. every single fuckass employee that guy coerced into working for him would be working 24/7 to shine his shoes re-tailor his suit bribe pedestrians on the street attempt to assassinate ryan gosling give him therapy talk him down from suicide film his sex tape etc etc etc. he would be crying yelling and firing people every moment he was not on stage. every three hours he would have a different breakdown. one moment he'd be like 'i am NOT washed i am loved i am tumblr i am sexy i am man i Deserve this' and the next he'd be like 'im a fraud and fundamentally unloveable. whats the point. whats the fucking point of it all.' and fucking elnina and lanino would have to be there like "yes boss of course" and "no boss dont say that". the tumblr sexyman poll 2026, the poll, on tumblr, of voting for which fictional creature is most pathetically fuckable, would become a matter of life and death for this crt. if that guy lost no one would ever hear the end of it. that insecurity would stay with him until he fucking died and he'd make everyone suffer it
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In Fate's Crosshairs: What Susie Isn't Talking About In Chapter 5
Perhaps My Most Confident Theory Yet
A couple people have been pointing out that Susie has been acting... weird, in this chapter. Trying to accept ribbons, ignoring (most of) Flowery's "princess" comments, neglecting her bond with Kris in favour of Noelle... Any one of these on their own could be excused as... sideways? character development? But all together, they have people throwing up eyebrows, some even going as far as to question Toby's writing.
While I have more faith in Toby than that, I'll admit... these accusations are hard to deny. I haven't seen an explanation that convinces me, but it's clear there needs to be one. What could possibly have caused such a drastic shift in Susie's behaviour?
Fortunately, I have an idea on what it might be. And it involves something else that's strange: What Susie Isn't Talking About.
(Deltarune Chapter 5 Spoilers, Really Long Post, Substantiated Opinions)
The Unspoken Inevitable
It is actually CRAZY. How little the Prophecy came up in this chapter. Like, I think it was only alluded to by Ralsei two or three times, and I'm not sure the WORD. PROPHECY. Was even SAID in the whole chapter. Like, correct me if I'm wrong, but the fact I'd have to check frankly says enough.
She tried to hide it, but we know Susie was haunted by what she saw of the Final Tragedy. It should be sticking in her mind, impacting her thought process, weighing on every decision. Instead, the thing on Susie's mind...
...is Noelle. Her love. ...Riiiiiight???
The Final Tragedy
Before Chapter 5, I made a prediction on what I think the Final Tragedy might be, and while I doubt I got it word for word, I think I'm on the right track. If you don't care to read that post, here's the prediction:
THE GIRL'S LOVE MUST MEET ITS GRAVE.
If Susie is "THE GIRL", which... you know, probably, then whoever her "LOVE" is is in narrative danger. Previously, I proposed that Susie is worried it could be Noelle or Kris, but honestly, I was being conservative! Susie just learned about polyamory the night before, it could be Noelle and Kris! Hell, why stop there? For all Susie knows, her "LOVE" could constitute any number of people she cares about! Kris, Noelle, Ralsei, Lancer, Toriel, Tenna? What counts!? Could you define "LOVE" real quick!? 'CAUSE THE PROPHECY SURE DIDN'T!!
So what's Susie gonna do? We know what she's like at this point, she's not gonna let anybody die because of her. So, she hatches a plan...
Susie's Idea (Derogatory)
Now, if you're following my logic so far, it might sound like I'm proposing that Susie is focusing all her "LOVE" on Noelle to pin the death flag on just her, which... no. Not quite.
As I was struggling to put all this together, I remembered an odd thing Susie said to Noelle at the lake. Something that I think is the lynchpin that explains all of her strange behaviour.
...That's weirdly... broad, right? She submitted a blank cheque. FOR A LOVE CONFESSION. That's kinda weird. And I KNOW she can do better than that; did you SEE her rizz at the hammer game!? Girl has an incredible talent for making people feel SO LOVED.
No, Susie had a reason to say that. To declare her and Noelle's feelings for each other as equal. Equivalent.
...Interchangeable.
Do you get it yet? Susie is trying to game the Prophecy, to swap her and Noelle's roles so she'll be the one that dies instead of Noelle.
And she's doing it with Noelle specifically because Noelle is her only "LOVE" that can fill the same roles as her; Kris and Ralsei are already in the other hero roles, and, you know, aren't girls (obviously Ralsei is trans, but Susie doesn't know that), so "THE GIRL" has to be Noelle.
And that means making Noelle a hero. Susie's previous apprehension in telling Noelle about the Dark World is completely gone, and while she missed her chance to tell her at the lake, she's got Castle Town going all out to give Noelle a warm welcome and induct her into the Delta Warriors.
All so Noelle can be "THE GIRL, WITH HOPE CROSSED ON HER HEART.", and Susie can be the "LOVE" that "MUST MEET ITS GRAVE".
Susie's gearing up to sacrifice herself. Because of course she is.
Evidence (20%TP)
With this in mind, a lot of things Susie says, that didn't seem very like Susie to say, take on new, disturbing double-meanings.
As much as she can... however little that ends up being.
Her relationship with Noelle... or her plan to save her? Can someone like Susie fill the same role as someone like Noelle?
As far as I can tell, Susie never fully breaks out the L-word for Noelle. She wants to love her... but she's scared. Scared of putting Noelle in the crosshairs of fate.
Blue likely meant "love" in the normal and cool and gay way (The flowers don't seem to be clued in on the deeper goings on besides Flowery), but all Susie's hearing is how she can best shape herself to take a bullet.
With this framing, what appear to uncharacteristic levels of yearning are revealed to be the coded words of a very scared girl. A girl that's scared to mess up, scared to lose someone she loves... and scared to die.
The best days she can have... however few that is.
Susie's sprite does this a LOT in this chapter, even in happy moments like the lake where it otherwise doesn't make much sense. She isn't saying it, but she's really struggling. And she's struggling alone, because she knows if she tells Ralsei or Kris or Noelle what she's planning, they'll probably try to stop her. And she can't allow that. Nobody else is dying because of her.
Bound In Ribbons
Now, one part of Susie's behavioural shift that is notably not explained by this theory's base premise is her trying to wear ribbons.
Ribbons have been a common armour since the start of the game, and are filled with metaphorical significance. They're signifiers of femininity, and how each party member reacts to them tells us more about their relationship to femininity.
Ralsei is shy but joyful, Kris can't object or approve, Noelle gets nostalgic... and Susie refuses them. She doesn't like 'em. That ain't her. And she hasn't been reprimanded for this, by her friends or the narrative. Her gender-non-conformity is representative of her will to defy fate and resist tyranny.
So for her to suddenly 180 on all that and not only accept, but insist on wearing ribbons, through audible discomfort... it's a red flag. And her reasons for doing it... aren't all that convincing.
Like, come on, Susie. Noelle isn't into you for your femininity, and you know that!
And her immediate reaction to wearing one demonstrates my point aptly: she was forcing herself to ask to wear the Ribbon, and resorted to a technicality when it turned out she couldn't stomach it.
But why? Why is it suddenly so important to her that she's wearing a ribbon?
Considering all of her other behaviour shifts are explained by it, I think it's a reasonable assumption to propose that something in the Final Tragedy also inspired this. Perhaps the accompanying image featured a collapsed figure wearing a ribbon, or something like that. Something that ties wearing ribbons to being the "LOVE".
A Small Aside
Sharp-brained readers might remember that Ralsei said that Susie is "supposed to wear ribbons". While he might have just meant this in the sense that Susie shouldn't be refusing to wear things she's given by "Kris", it's also possible he meant that Susie specifically is supposed to wear ribbons, which would tie (heh) wearing ribbons to "THE GIRL" role in the Prophecy, instead of the "LOVE".
Now, while I personally lean towards the former explanation, it is possible that I have the roles backwards, and that it's "THE GIRL" that dies rather than her "LOVE". This would require the Final Tragedy panel to also imply that Noelle is the true "GIRL", and while that's a lot more convoluted and might muck up a few of the "evidence" points, it... works. I guess.
Ultimately, though, it doesn't really matter which way around the roles are. The point is that Noelle is in the role that dies, and Susie is trying to swap them so she dies instead.
Beat to the Punch (That Looks Like Blood)
Now, there's a small issue with Susie's little plan, here:
I'm pretty sure Kris is already doing the same fucking thing, because OF COURSE THEY ARE.
As I've pointed out previously, as vigilant as Kris has been in being a good vessel and not expressing themselves, they've had no such restraint when it comes to Susie, and I don't think that's just because of how cool Susie is. No, I think that Kris intends to be "THE GIRL'S LOVE" to save Noelle, and has been actively pursuing Susie to achieve this.
And it's at least somewhat working. Susie doesn't use the same words as she does about Noelle, because she's trying to push her framing, but the way she talks to and about Kris makes it obvious how much they mean to her. Their talk on the way home is just one example.
But Kris's plan has hit a snag, in the form of Susie suddenly being all over Noelle. And they want to be supportive, but...
They can't. Because it's supposed to be them.
Because they promised.
This might be the true purpose of Kris & Carol's conspiracy: to save Noelle from the Final Tragedy by making Kris Susie's "LOVE", and keeping Noelle and Susie apart to keep their "LOVE" from flourishing.
Although, speaking of Carol, if she found out what Susie is planning, I could honestly see her being tempted to switch gears and make Susie "THE GIRL'S LOVE" instead. I mean, then Kris gets to live, too! And Carol likes Kris! Kris is family! Carol loves her family! Now, the only person that has to die is the town delinquent who nobody will miss.
(Wouldn't be the first time Carol's nearly jeopardised the plan with stupid, sentimental decisions. Like seriously, why was the code in that guitar!?)
But even without Carol getting greedy, the conspiracy is now in trouble, because the central piece - Susie - is going off-script. A battle of wills is spilling out over Noelle's fate, threatening to squander all of their efforts.
And you wanna know the worst part of all this?
I Don't Think It Was Ever Going To Work
I don't think Susie or the conspiracy will succeed. I don't think the Prophecy can be negotiated with in this way, and I don't think Noelle's death can be stopped... not anymore. If there is a path where Noelle survives (and I think there is)... we've already passed it.
And that's because none of these bozos have realised why Noelle is going to die, and why her death is what saves the worlds.
...
But that... is an explanation for later, because this post is already way too long. Seriously, I had to start combining screenshots because I hit the image limit, that's never happened before
For now, I invite you to reinspect Chapter 5 with this theory - which I'm dubbing Fate's Crosshairs Theory - in mind. And please, let me know if you spot any glaring holes in my thesis or smoking guns that I missed in the Evidence section.
Join me next time, when I talk about how I think the Normal Route will end and tie all of this back into my DEVILRUNE THEORY.
That's right! This was a DEVILRUNE THEORY post all along! It was all a ploy to support my headcanons! MUAHAHAHAHA!!
you know what? fuck it, man. the world is held in the fists of people who like to break things. at this point iâm saying who gives a shit. wear that victorian dress you donât have an excuse for. dress up like a witch, pointed hat and all. who cares anymore. why worry about it when thereâs bigger stuff to worry on. iâm saying. yeah, this lipstick is too dark, wanna share? iâm saying go talk to her, tell her that you like her hair. iâm saying sheâs out of my league but iâm still swinging, iâm saying yeah iâm in a ballgown and itâs a pta meeting. what about it. eat the extra brownie, tell her your feelings. iâm saying if nothing matters than we might as well give nothing meaning.
#iâm saying if existence is a void at least iâm going down screaming.
itâs been 9 years since i wrote this. i was experiencing 24/7 anxiety so badly that i needed serious medication. these days in the back of my car is an âemergency party box.â when people admit they no longer really celebrate their birthday; i tell them to put the sash on and queue up kesha, weâre going bowling or something. these days i canât spin around without finding something i am enamored with. these days i list 3 things iâm grateful for before i fall asleep. youâre probably one of them, just by virtue of you existing.
at the time i wrote this, i was suffering through a severe panic attack literally every night. i tortured my brother with constant 2 AM calls just to hear someone else breathing, because i couldnât be alone in the silence.
i rarely wish i was still 23 even though ironically i had more hope back then. what i can tell you is this: i love the same way, but bigger now. iâve worn the velvet cape to several business meetings. i spent thursday in a crop top without caring what my stomach looked like.
i told her i like her; i often dress as a witch. i still got glass in my foot this morning. iâve kissed maybe a thousand people since then and met a million more than that; passing like the shadow of a hammerhead in trains and planes and buses.
i saw you, beloved, there, maybe, on platform in south station. you didnât speak, but you said: i struggle to give the nothing meaning. the nothing fills up everything. it is just loud and yellowed panicked silence. i canât stop shaking.
on the roof, birds curl together against the chilled spring wind. the sky outside of the craft store was an iridescent pink. the nothing already had meaning; you are giving it meaning by witnessing.
the act of living, beloved: itâs just decoding how to translate it.
"I wrote a eulogy for my best friend last week. Then I read it to him. At the pub. On a Tuesday."
He was alive, holding a pint, looking at me like I'd lost my mind. Maybe I have.
I'm Mick. I'm 70. The man across the table was Barry. Seventy-two. Best mate for 46 years. Met on a building site in 1979. He dropped a plank on my foot. I called him something unrepeatable. He bought me a pint after the shift. Haven't gone a week without talking since.
Three months ago we went to a funeral. Bloke we'd worked with. Cancer. The eulogies were beautiful - people saying what he meant to them, things they'd clearly never said to his face. And all I could think was, he can't hear any of this.
Every beautiful sentence. Every "he changed my life." Said to a room of crying people and a box of wood.
I turned to Barry. Whispered, "What a waste."
Drove home. Couldn't sleep. Because I realised, if Barry died tomorrow, I'd stand up and say extraordinary things about this man. Things I've never said in 46 years. And he'd be in the box, missing all of it.
So I wrote them down. Took a week. Harder than expected - not finding the words, but admitting I had them.
Rang him. "Tuesday. The Crown. Need to read you something."
"Have you joined a book club?"
"Just come."
Same corner table. Pint of bitter. Crisps. I pulled out the paper. He saw my hands shake.
"Mick. What's this?"
"Your eulogy. I'm reading it now because I'm not wasting it on a day you can't hear it."
"Have you gone mad?"
"Probably. Shut up and listen."
I read it. In a pub. To a man very much alive and very much uncomfortable.
I told him about the plank and how it was the best injury of my life. About the night he drove forty minutes in rain to help change a tyre. About how he rang every day for three months after my divorce and never once asked "Are you alright?" - just talked about football and weather, because he knew I didn't need a question. I needed a voice.
I told him he was the funniest man I'd ever known and his jokes were terrible and both things were true. That he'd been a better father than he thinks. That his wife's a saint and he knows it. That I'd have been a worse man without him.
He didn't look at me. Stared at his pint. Jaw tight. Doing that thing men do when the feelings arrive and they'd rather swallow glass than show it.
When I finished, long silence. Then he picked up his pint, took a sip, and said,
"You're paying for the next round. And the one after."
That was his answer. Perfect. Because Barry doesn't say "I love you too." He says "you're buying."
But in the car park, he hugged me. Not the quick back-pat. A real one. Thirty seconds. Neither let go first.
And he said quietly into my shoulder, "Don't read that again at the real one. I want new material."
Who would you write a eulogy for - while they're still here?
Don't wait. The flowers can't hear. The box doesn't laugh. Say it now. At the pub. Over a bad cup of tea. You'll feel ridiculous.
They'll look uncomfortable. It'll be the most important thing you've ever done.
Read them the speech while they can still hug you in the car park.â
the use of AI lately has made me feel so hopeless, i translated pages of an unfinished fanzine of mine so i can remember why i love art...i hope it can resonate with anyone feeling the same way
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I love shipping characters as exes, like yeah no they're not endgame, they could never be endgame, but they've absolutely fucked nasty and changed who each other are as people and at least one of them got their heart broken
Confessions on the brink of death a character accepts out of kindness because it wonât matter soon anyway, but then the other person doesnât die, the other person expects them to carry through on their promise to love them and gets angry when they try to back out. Blackmail held over someoneâs head just to force them to flirt and make romantic advances on another person, so it looks like they wanted this relationship. Talks about marriage and happily ever afters together as a threat. âI love you, I love you, I love youâ as a violation that youâre expected to smile at and be grateful for, because youâre supposed to want to be loved. noncon romance.
adding to this: feeling love against your will. love forced on you by some power beyond you. love that you know you wouldnât feel if you werenât blessed (cursed) by it. love that you donât want and is ruining you and that everyone keeps praising you for feeling. love that everyone around you gets mad at you for rejecting anyway. love thatâs made so overpowering that it wipes out any semblance of âyouâ that there is to make way for a thing that will love someone back.
funniest part of this post is how many people reblog it tagged something like âthis sounds aromanticâ or âop not to derail but aromanticismâ and like well guys youâre never going to believe why i find forced romance such a horrifying concept-
it would be so fucking embarrassing if we meet aliens and they are like wow you guys have the same technology as we did 300 gyroaays (unit of time) ago, that's awesome. and we are like wooo that's so cool and they are like yeah so what are your thoughts on electrons and glorons and we just like missed glorons and they are so important and easy to discover but we missed it and have eben fuccking around and they laigh at our shitty science built around the gaping wound that is the absence of glorons
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Elephants eat 300+ pounds of foliage a day so theyâre almost always moving and grazing in their waking hours but they will stop if another elephant cannot walk. Theyâre known to try to pick up the fallen elephant and stand and wait for them to remain enough strength to rise and walk if the elephant is injured or ill. Some Asian elephants reportedly guide injured wild elephants back to humans for help. I canât help but think about adage attributed to Margaret Mead, first sign of civilization is a healed human femur. We know Neanderthals cared for the individuals in their community because there are archeological finds of Neanderthals with disabilities and healed major injuries that would have required the group assisting the individual to eat and drink during their recovery, instead of seeing the injured or disabled Neanderthal as a waste of resources, they valued them as an individual and were willing to put work into their recovery and survival. Elephants seem to view members of their species in the same way but due to their anatomy and cognition, they have a harder time rendering medical aid themselves, though they want to help.
