deansam sideblog

okay, we all know the winchester dichotomy "when the other's gone they get homicidal/suicidal", but consider: "sam can never find out i'm in love with him, it'll ruin his memory of me when i'm gone in a year" / "i'm going to die tomorrow, i can't face eternal torture without knowing what it's like to kiss dean".

u guys don't fuck with soulless sam the way I do like that is my princess. oh the clean mechanical precision oh the animal boredom. I love his confused artificial attempts at gentleness. he's asking too many questions he's making everyone uncomfortable he literally cannot lose an argument bc his masculine rationality points are maxed out. and he humiliates everyone just by doing what they tell him to like he's soooo good at playing his role it breaks the game. bitches hate me bc I shattered the facade. it's more than just 'sam but evil' it's an earnest attempt to reconstruct the patterns of empathy without context. he only starts to thrash when he realizes it'll never be enough. and it does genuinely break my heart watching him beg dean not to shove his soul back in. 'dean doesn't care about me. he just cares abt his little brother Sammy, burning in hell. he'll kill me to get that other guy back.' um THESIS. he's a fragment of a person fighting not 2b eaten by the whole. like any other animal he just wants to live.

i love the idea of sam being searingly jealous over dean ever since he was little. four years old and pitching a fit if dean spent too long talking to a friend at school instead of him. eight and having outbursts over john going out to train dean without him. twelve and glaring daggers at any woman who shows interest in dean. sixteen and sabotaging dean's dates and one night stands. twenty and awake at night choked with fear that dean has moved on. twenty-four and crazed with it any time dean gets on too well with another hunter. twenty-eight and he's starting to think he's never going to grow out of it.

there's a beautiful world out there where castiel substituted sam's demon blood for angel blood (makes sam stronger but not as aggressive, more like an obedient soldier + withdrawals aren't as intense so quitting will be easier) and then when demon dean shows up he forces sam back onto demon blood and cas and dean are basically just constantly feeding sam their blood to undo the other's work but really it just makes sam super conflicted because the angel blood makes him want to obey and the demon blood makes him want to take control. not even mentioning how horny sam gets about two powerful beings fighting over him and stuffing his mouth full while his body and brain tell him to drink moremoremore.

This is Castiel in wincaswin, btw

one thing i love about wincest is the little subtle domestic things they do like sam zipping up dean’s weapons backpack for him or dean getting sam aspirin