Der Garten

Heheh I'm horrible. Lately I've been playing with RPG Maker fes on my 3DS (early bday present so I've been playing it all month), and I tell you I'm having a blast. I know it's maybe the "worst RPG maker" but darn it, it's fun. I actually like that it's so limited because it challenges me to figure ways around problems. It's making me remember how I enjoyed learning how to program in the past. I'm feeling like I should really try to get back into that. I also would like to get RPG Maker MV so I can make games for the phones/tablets. I know, I can get some other engine that will give me a wider range of game genres but that's all way more than I have to spend. MV is within my price range, and I honestly would like to make RPGs. I love the story-driven nature to them. Their natural pace allows for easy focus on the plot. Any game can be story-driven, it just matters how they're done. My only real complaint is the lack of ability to custom make sprites. I'm stuck with the lot they give me or buy. But I feel like that's such a small issue in the grand scheme of things. Anyhow. Any watchers of mine; I'll post a code up eventually once I have a playable version on my little dumb game. If you have it, I hope you'll play it and enjoy! If not, that's fine. I know there's a lot of junk surrounding fes so it's fine! Y'all have a wonderful day now! ^_^

No that's fine. I was a bit tired of having a good year. You know, having restful nights and energy and productivity is really crappy. Yes life, thank you so fucking much right now. I absolutely needed this. Uncle has brain cancer, Dad had a heart attack. All in the same week. It's not like I love these family members and look to them for strength or anything. So it's no big deal. Anyone have like, a pallet of Gorilla Glue? Some sort of adhesive? Because I'm having the worst time keeping it together over here.

Hehehe. Spent all night writing again. Honestly, even though I'm the most tired I've ever been and feel like I've been run over a few times with a truck, I wouldn't trade this for anything. I mean. Hopefully all this will have monetary value soon, but like, I wouldn't stop if someone paid me to stop. Nah. This is how I want to die. Working. I never want to stop. Honestly, I can't be happier. This is what I want to do with the rest of my life, for certain. I don't think I could be truly happy otherwise. Good morning/night world. I can't wait to wake up in a few hours. There's still so much more to be done. Do what you love, people, and you'll never work a day in your life. <3

Sometimes, when I get sad or feel lost, I look to my heroes. I look and see how they got to where they are/were and see how I best can emulate them, use their tactics to help me climb to the top. And sometimes...I find a thing about one of my idols that is so like ME. And...it makes me feel not so alone anymore. It makes me see that I can push through my issues too, because they had to deal with the same thing. With all the crap about me and the burdens I carry, most of the time I feel just alone. Completely alone. No one around me suffers the way I do. But knowing I'm not alone in my pain makes it easier to bare. It fills me with hope. And so I will trudge on, winning over the trials of today, and tomorrow, and every day after until I make it to the top of that mountain. And I hope my footsteps will help carve a path for others to follow. I hope my foot steps make the path easier to all those after me, and for their steps to help those after them. And I will make it to the top of that mountain, with all the others before me, and proudly shoulder my burden as a badge. Without it, I could not be me even though there have been countless nights it's threatened to crush me. And after that...I will continue on. There is always another mountain to climb, another vista to see. Sometimes I just need these reminders though...and I'm glad for them. Sometimes I forget who I am, you know? Everyone does. We get caught up in life, in work, just trying to survive. I am an Artist to my very core. I can learn many other skills, but at the end of it all, I am an Artist. Nothing in the world will ever change that. I sometimes forget my path, but it never forgets me. I hope some day I can meet my living heroes. I know they say not to, but I still do want to. I know they're humans, just like me, with flaws and demons. I don't expect them to be perfect, because they're not. Tomorrow is a new day. And I will face it with a smile and determination.