Hanging out normally with her and remembering she’s seen my vagina and my asshole and how I look when I’m giving her head and how I look after sex and how I look when I’m having an orgasm 😭😭

need someone to do some permanent shit to me during sex. i need to be fundamentally altered in a way that is both meaningful and tangible. or whatever.

Pulitzer Prize type shit

Why's this dude built like crash bandicoot

Everything about this damn post is so funny to me. The lighting of the arm from the flash. The posing of the arm like a dramatic death from a novella. The fact the photo somehow got taken still and looks this good. The subreddit name. The fact this guy really is built like crash bandicoot

there's nothing i like more as a computer program than a long period of silent contemplation - not doing anything, not rushing anywhere, just standing here and enjoying this moment with the user. oh, it seems once again he has summoned my beautiful and ruthless wife Task Manager. hello, my darling! what are you doing with that long cruel scimitar

coworker asks if i like harry potter and i have to make a disco elysium skill check to come up with a response

if the emperors of rome can add extra months that actually fuck the calendar up i'm allowed to add a new month that lasts 0.0000 picoseconds

the last holiday that hasn't been commercialized

i made this up when i was a little kid and nothing would make me happier than to see people celebrating it for years to come

zenquish approaches. prepare to rejoice! briefly!

So briefly in fact that the preparation and the afterparty for the celebration makes up exactly 100% of the celebration, kinda like new years except even shorter

see, you get it

set a reminder on my phone a few days ago while I was falling asleep, ostensibly to help me remember something to post. now every day at 5 pm I get a time sensitive reminder for “let’s get bit by snake” until I either give up or figure out what it means

Kinda selfcestuous of you to have those characters make out when they're both your OCs, tbh.

girls be like “goodnight” then go masturbate

Aliens bodies are probably different as hell. Or similar

If you don’t let go of your prejudices and past grudges, your heart won’t blossom. 2013 is coming, let’s make a change. We only have one planet so let’s show each other some kindness.