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Yeh I am at NTU right in my second semester. I considered myself since I got in and never expected such a thing to happen in my life. I mean you can see my previous post guys. I would just go on and on about the same thing. So lemme share something else.

I never expected university to be easy on me. I know it would be hard. I know I have to cope with the system fast to run along with the herd.I mean .... like... I never expected it to be this hard. Like the complete system is different. I guess this is true for all the colleges around the world. It is not like SCHOOLS anymore. Definitely not like Indian schools anymore. There is no person to make u sit and explain everything slowly. They just tell you one and you have got to make the most of it.

There is nobody monitoring us here. LIKE NOBODY. They don't care if u go to ur classes. They don't care if you submit your assignments. But if you don't do the above , you will face consequences as it is not like ONE EXAM DECIDES YOUR FATE. It is a process throughout your semester. Be aware throughout the semester. You have to contribute your time and knowledge every day to get a nice score at the end of the semester. Shit, I am going more into the details..!

So yes frenss... You have to keep your eyes and ears open all the time. There wont be time to RELAX unless you don't care much for your grades. You wont be able to spend time for yourself. You curriculum wud become your first priority and you WILL DRINK COFFEE if you haven't in your life before.

But I gotta say. If you have one thing. Just that ONE THING, then you can live your university life just as you wanted. That ONE THING is PLANNING. If you plan and STICK (v.v. important) then you can relax , spend time for yourself, socialize and mainly SCORE WELL.

It has been so long since I have posted here. I started this blogging so that I can share my thoughts (truest thoughts) of how I feel during this journey of preparing for the JEE exam and its aftereffects. If you see my previous post, it would have sounded depressing as hell. But I am here to update you on my life. And this is going to be LOOONNGGG. so hold yourself up till the end.

So I give my JEE Advanced and when I calculate my score, it is known to be below par. Poor enough to make me forget my IIT dreams. The counseling starts, and I get production engineering from NIT, CALICUT. It is decent but not what I wanted to get. At this point, I lost HOPE in everything. Literally everything. I used to pray to god like crazy but then I didn't bother to pray at all. I thought I was not going to college this year. I will study for one whole year again to give JEE the next year. To see my friends get into the nicest colleges, I felt really really LOST (I am being real).

Though my parents were disappointed, they were still trying to boost my morale. They took me to a temple and I did some rituals and poojas but with literally NO HOPE. Every night I cried about how much of a fool I was on this journey to have wasted my potential.

But then one evening, I think I was watching a series or something. Maybe B99 (which u guys should definitely watch). My parents came rushing through my door only to say " YOU GOT INTO NTU." (In case you're wondering, NTU is in Singapore and is one of the finest universities in Asia). My mind just .... it just FROZE. I didn't know how to react. My mom was crying and my dad... shit even my dad was tearing up. I have never seen him that emotional in my life. But in front of my parents, I just didn't feel like expressing anything. I just acted like KAY, IT AINT A BIG THING. But it really is a HUGE thing for me. I just waited for their emotions to settle, I went into my room and took my laptop to search the god's name to whom I did the ritual and started praying and crying. At that point, I just gave god the credit for my acceptance.

YES. I got into NTU. Hell, I even completed my first semester here at NTU. Oh well, I am studying MECHANICAL ENGINEERING with a second major in DATA ANALYTICS. I think this is my happy place. I just want to say one final thing. Time is the biggest problem as well as the biggest solution (at times the ONLY SOLUTION) in a lot of scenarios. Either you use it or you wait for it to use you. In my case, I failed to use but it used me when it wanted to. It may not be such a big accomplishment for many, but for a guy who let down his parents, who thought he wouldn't go to college that year, who basically lost interest in life cuz his dreams went down the drain... I should say that the guy is HAPPY right now ( I am the guy if you're wondering who).

I wrote my JEE ADVANCED on 4th June and came back home frustrated since I didn't perform like I wanted to . I have not received my results yet but I checked my marks with the official keys . I did this TODAY (JUNE 11).

I ... I don't know . I don't know why I am not able to do it . I don't know why I cannot score in the most important exam of my life . I don't know how others can but I can not . I am really tired of searching for answers to these questions.

Ughhhh... Today is the day I came to know that even after dreaming of something, I can fail . Today is the day I came to know that my parents are DISAPPOINTED in me for the decisions I took in my life . Today is the day I came to know that being a Failure is f**king hard .

After counting my marks , my 7-8 years long dream , my parents' dream , everything shattered into pieces . And the hard thing is knowing that - it could have not become this way IF there was a little more effort . IF there was an early realization of how important your TIME is . IF I was born an INTELLIGENT .

And another disappointment is that INDIA lost the WTC final today adding to an even more exhaustion .

I don't know what is going to happen next . Or how much time this pain will take to heal . Or I don't know if this will even heal . But ... but I am just tired of trying to make my parents proud . All I wanted was them saying that their son is studying in the topmost engineering college of India with a proud smile in their face . All I wanted was to tell myself that - YOU DID IT MAN . Unfortunately my parents can't tell their thing and I can not say my thing .

Just remember people , sometimes the answer is just -" I am not able to !"

It can be hard accepting it , but it is just the fact. Sometimes.

I gave ma Jee 2nd attempt , a day ago . Uhhh....

I dunno ! I expected to do a lot better than my first attempt , but it didn't happen . I don't know where it went wrong. This time I thought I would be more satisfied by my attempt but it just made me feel ... feel like I am for no good use 😖

Shit happens . Isn't it ?but it is just hard to accept that the fact that I am not ready for this kind of a battle. A battle which you have to encounter with 0 interest just because u can live the rest of ur life peacefully(that is what everybody I know said).

Well, the time has come . The time has come to accept something really important which I think is going to fuel my days here on . Which is :

I LOST ,I LOST TRYING TILL THE LEVEL I CAN ! .

But a teeny tiny victory is I sat through the exam without crying out of frustration and fear . Coz I literally had tears flowing outta my eyes during my 1st attempt .

GOOD LUCK TO ALL OTHERS IN THIS BATTLE . THE THING IS UHMM.... TRY HARD . That is the least you can do . Atleast after failing u will have the right to console yourself that U TRIED ! .

and this idea just struck when I was taking sh*t. So don't mistake me if this idea has already been published .

So this character's a mid aged guy in his 36 to 37 age of his life . Let's not go deep into what his origin or background story is ( I haven't decided it myself yet!) . For now I left it as if he got his powers due to excessive of use powerful drugs (someone injected it to him on purpose ) . The power he has got is SUPERFAST REFLEXES . Literally fast enough to stop a bullet 🔫.

Upon taking help from a college professor who is versed on neuroscience, he comes to know that he not only has got fast reflexes but also very high grasping and memory power and also that his body is containing electric charges . The college professor puts him to test him by instructing to just merely look and turn the pages of a complex book on neuroscience. Our guy doesn't even show the slightest interest in it since he hated books since his childhood . He just turned the pages very fast just for the sake of the instruction of the professor.

The professor then asked him a very tough question from the concept and our guy answered it the very second after the question was asked, as though he has been studying this his entire life . The professor and him both stood in surprise .

I want to add more elements to his character and the whole story itself but imma do it later .

This question makes different sense to each and every person . I mean EACH AND EVERY PERSON . It has always been a question to the ones who are about to enter the process(2 years ) , who are IN the process , and who finished the process . I am in the near end of the process (written one attempt) and I think I found what my answer to this question is .

Well I think .... YESuuuu!! For me JEE is plays a very big part of my life . Since I was literally 10 years old , the name AI AI TEE (IIT) has been ringing around my ears . Everybody around me told me that if you can set your foot in the IIT campus , then your life is settled (as if I can just sit around doing nothing ) . But you know... it was just a mild dream then . When I actually entered the competitive field (say at the end of 8th standard) I came to understand how BIG this competition actually is . This field is BIG and to play here , you must really keep you body fit (literally as well as metaphorically)

I would say that I was more serious in my 9th and 10th standard than I was in m 11th and 12th classes . That .. that... HEAT , yes heat , was there in my blood . I scored 97% in my 10th board exam (corona batch nly lol!). But that too only because I did my pre-boards well. But I am having this good and a very bad habit associated to it . I know that most of you guys reading this also have the same habit . It is nothing but PROCRASTINATION . Well what's good in that ? The good thing was , I would be so dedicated to a task that I am really passionate(or sometimes worried ) about . BUTTTT (this "but") once the task is done , I RELAXXX... Even if I had not done the job to the extent I expected , I relax just because I put in so much efforts .

Sorry for deviating from the topic frensss. The things is "IT IS HARD ". Not everybody who appear for JEE gets it . Not everybody who wants it gets it . It is them who know how to get it , GETS IT . And the answer for the HOW question is not that simple . It takes a lot of hardwork, smartwork and durability . By durability I mean to say that in this jeeourney (hehe)

there would be lots of times when you are let down , lots of times where you will cry of exhaustion , lots of times to tell you to QUIT . But those are all the obstacles in the process of finding the answer to the questions HOW ? How Fast you find the answer to the question matters very little ( like 19.699669 percentile ) but what matters is that you STAND until you find HOW .

Well that is it for now . I gotta to go prepare for my second attempt as well as my advanced as well as my boards . You may think that you wasted time by reading the blog of just an ASPIRANT . Believe me , if there had been a person like me (self appreciation) who is still in the PROCESS and telling its importance , it would have motivated me more than some guy who cleared JEE in 1995 (don't know if jee existed then ) .

STAY HAPPY . STAY COOL . STAY UP

and if you have found out HOW , do mail me XD . Me and you still have long way to go