Kiss their šahovnica

I am the fearsome.

FUCKEN 

Iron Soldier

Winter Duck

Taser Pool

Behold here she comes:

Captain Groot

Hi, nice to meet you I’m

Incredible America

The mighty, FEARSOME,

Baby

me: wants to play multiple instruments, create art, speak multiple languages, etc.

what knowing a second language is like

my detested rival: why, madam, you look so drawn and pale today! does the small size of your estate not give you enough freedom to take in the sun?

“Get a rat and put it in a cage and give it two water bottles. One is just water, and one is water laced with either heroin or cocaine. If you do that, the rat will almost always prefer the drugged water and almost always kill itself very quickly, right, within a couple of weeks. So there you go. It’s our theory of addiction. Bruce comes along in the ‘70s and said, “Well, hang on a minute. We’re putting the rat in an empty cage. It’s got nothing to do. Let’s try this a little bit differently.” So Bruce built Rat Park, and Rat Park is like heaven for rats. Everything your rat about town could want, it’s got in Rat Park. It’s got lovely food. It’s got sex. It’s got loads of other rats to be friends with. It’s got loads of colored balls. Everything your rat could want. And they’ve got both the water bottles. They’ve got the drugged water and the normal water. But here’s the fascinating thing. In Rat Park, they don’t like the drugged water. They hardly use any of it. None of them ever overdose. None of them ever use in a way that looks like compulsion or addiction. There’s a really interesting human example I’ll tell you about in a minute, but what Bruce says is that shows that both the right-wing and left-wing theories of addiction are wrong. So the right-wing theory is it’s a moral failing, you’re a hedonist, you party too hard. The left-wing theory is it takes you over, your brain is hijacked. Bruce says it’s not your morality, it’s not your brain; it’s your cage. Addiction is largely an adaptation to your environment. […] We’ve created a society where significant numbers of our fellow citizens cannot bear to be present in their lives without being drugged, right? We’ve created a hyperconsumerist, hyperindividualist, isolated world that is, for a lot of people, much more like that first cage than it is like the bonded, connected cages that we need. The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection. And our whole society, the engine of our society, is geared towards making us connect with things. If you are not a good consumer capitalist citizen, if you’re spending your time bonding with the people around you and not buying stuff—in fact, we are trained from a very young age to focus our hopes and our dreams and our ambitions on things we can buy and consume. And drug addiction is really a subset of that.”

"My next D&D character will be serious, dark, & intense" I repeat to myself as I create a lizardfolk bard named Oxford who specializes in dual-wielding sickles, adaptive camouflage, & putting evildoers to sleep.

*ascending slide whistle*

Me: *rolls up to a merchant in ancient Athens on Heelys and sipping a Starbucks*

Me: *struts up to an Inca temple in bright green sunglasses*

Me: *banging pots and pans in the street in the middle of the Mali empire*

Me: *walks into the Song Dynasty with a backpack and a hydro flask*

Me: *struts onto a Polynesian canoe in a Star Wars t-shirt*

Me: *sitting on top of a building during the beheading of Marie Antoinette*

Me: *arrives home totally plastered*