J

To The Person Who Was Sitting Near Me On The Train - Jordan Bolton

the "milkman" is a common figure in stories depicting a woman's infidelity and adulterous affair.

this implies that the ability to provide milk would both decrease the likelihood of a man abandoning his wife and children, as it would eliminate the need for leaving to get milk AND would secure that man's marriage, as his wife would have no need to seek milk from an extraneous source.

therefore, all men should produce milk, through various means such as:

- being a cow

- being an almond

- being a woman

- being a coconut

- being in the omegaverse

- being an oat

(list is exemplary and not finite)

Ilya wins his first awards and hes got nobody he really wants to thank after his team and coach cause he he hates his family but he knows his speech is too short so on impulse he goes "And I want to thank Shane Hollander for being slightly worse than me this season". Everyone knows it was going to one of those two, so everyone thinks hes an asshole to say that but whats new so it works for him. But from then on it then becomes a bit for both of them to thank each other in their speeches in a snide way as a reason they won.

Shane winning the Art Ross Trophy (Awarded to the player who leads the league in total points at the end of the regular season). and going "special thanks to Rozanov for missing at least 5 shots this season, he was a huge help"

Ilya winning the Conn Smythe Trophy (Awarded to the most valuable player for his team in the playoffs.) "Just want to give a quick shout out to Hollander for getting knocked out in the second round this season. Must hate to see me up here."

Another one is the verb "perceive" i.e. "don't perceive me" "I am perceiving" "I am being percieved." That's something that feels very specific to tumblr parlance.

There's the thing where people on tumblr have an emotional reaction to something and instead of, or in addition to telling you how they feel about it using emotion words, they will narrate a fictional action in the present progressive tense. "I am gnawing at the bars of my enclosure "I am kissing you on the mouth" "you are going into the soup" "you are getting all of the awards"

I once saw someone use that response format in ... I think it was a restaurant review, or a doordash review, or something like that. It was very unexpected seeing it outside of a tumblr post.

sadly my project is lost due to the website being wiped from the university database after graduation and my then laptop having a major hardware failure. backup your backups people! but the crux of the entire module was that the internet is full of communities using language not only as jargon for specific purpose but also to signal membership in said community. I even wrote a bit about non capitalisation and punctuation useage as a visual cue on tumblr and how including information in the reblog body or the tags indicated different levels of importance or intimacy of thought

Time again for fics I’ve liked, but weirdly enough in the last month I’ve mostly heart-recc'd Porn with Plot, so here we are:

Fourteen ten by delagauchetiere E. 26k complete. Ilya forgot his key in 1410 and comes back, gets trapped in Shane’s room. I know you’re tired of hearing me talk about black dog by the same author because it’s the fic of all time, but I have come back to this as my comfort-read now so many times. This is funny and sweet and hot and I just love this author’s vision.

The Birds and the Bees by Slagathor99 E. 36k, 5 chapters complete. Incredible sex pollen fic! Rose-era Shane gets sex pollen’d and calls Ilya to help.

Knock on Wood by mcshrug E. 6k complete. Shane and Ilya do something different in their hookup, and Shane wins their game later. So naturally, superstition kicks in and Shane wants to it again (fruits of my #Just The Tip tag binge).

When the Ice Runs Red by DaylightDaisies E. 26k, 9 chapters complete. They turn murder into foreplay. Idk what else to tell you, it’s brilliant.

Select All by Regolith (metonym) E. 47k, 11 chapters complete. They’ve never hooked up, but Shane sends a nude to Ilya by accident. The author does such a good job making you feel their emotions. This one is still living in my brain.

Pls. do not re-post/reupload or use outside of tumblr without my permission.

Hollanov Texting Fics Part 2

🏒 English Lessons with Ilya | 1.1k

In which Ilya Rozanov self-appoints himself the official unofficial English tutor to one very confused Luca Haas

🏒 Party Planning | 1.2k

Zane Boodram tries to plan his next barbecue. Ilya Rozanov refuses to let anyone know peace. Shane suffers in silence (mostly).

🏒 Ilya Rozanov’s Bird Poop Allegations | 1.5k

“He’s the type of guy to get pooped on by a bird while on a rollercoaster. I don’t know, there’s just some energy there.”

🏒 Mixed Messages | 4.7k

Hayden finds out about Ilya and Shane

🏒 Mistakes Have Been Made | 4.8k

Ilya gives Troy Shane’s number.

🏒 Is It Cheating If … | 5.6k

A question game about cheating and relationship boundaries goes wrong, and Ilya quickly finds himself stressed over what Shane thinks he can do...and where he is right now

🏒The Friendships We Made (and Ruined) Along the Way | 6.3k

Jackie and Shane trick Hayden and Ilya to bond over planning for Shane’s birthday (My summary)

🏒 It’s Not Gay If It’s Your Bro | 7.5k

Hayden Pike is freaking out after accidentally posting a video of Shane and Ilya making out on his fanmail. Luckily, he has a groupchat of hockey players determined to help them play it off. The internet is mostly just confused?

🏒 The Great Jane Debacle of 2016 | 7.7k

Or, how the Raiders---in particular the long suffering Cliff Marleau, dealt with the Great Jane Debacle of 2016, told in a series of texts, posts, and Cliff being the best Bostonian friend Ilya could ask for

🏒 ICYMI | 8.2k

In late 2012 when Shane has a meltdown and frantically tells them to call Lily, for the first time Yuna’s ever witnessed, Shane is coaxed out of one of them instead of just suffering through until the exhaustion wins out instead—and all by some mysterious, apparently very well attuned to Shane, 'Lily'.

🏒 Shane Hollander : Most Wanted | 10.3k

Set after Shane comes out to his team. Now that more and more people find out he is gay, he is also getting a lot more male attention. Meanwhile Ilya gets progressively more jealous and wants to remind everyone exactly who Shane Hollander belongs to. Also they're idiots in love

🏒 Nice Men in Montreal | 10.7k

Shane makes a list: reasons to Come Out on one side and to Stay Safe on the other. It's definitely not meant to accidentally star in the background of his mom's Instagram post for fans to find. But now that the world knows, maybe Shane can finally let himself have everything he's wanted. If only Ilya didn't go out and get engaged the next day. Which is fine! Rozanov was settling down? Shane could settle down, too. He would find himself a nice man

🏒 11 Out Of 10 | 12.3k

In which the women Shane has slept with share their experiences on social media, Shane and Ilya both react totally normally, and Hayden would like some clarity on his best friend's sex life

🏒 Okay | 12.5k

In a world where your soulmate's first words appear on your body on your 20th birthday, Shane Hollander is disappointed to have gotten such a mundane word. Ilya Rozanov is thrilled.

🏒 Lily My Friend | 14.4k

Hayden gets unwittingly roped into a business partnership with Shane’s secret girl Lily behind Shane’s back but at least he gets a kind of cool friend out of it… even if she is oddly reluctant to call them that

🏒 You’ve Got Mail | 24.3k

While trying to write to his friend studying abroad in Moscow, Shane Hollander accidentally reaches Ilya Rozanov

🏒 Infiltrators | 50.8k

Shane Hollander was traded to the Ottawa Centaurs without ever being outed. His relationship with Ilya Rozanov is still a secret to most people. Everything was going just fine, until they both get added to the Centaurs WAGs group chat

🏒 Re: Hi | 60.1k

Shane and Ilya sending emails throughout the years. What happens when they meet?

some popular some not so popular fics that i adore. asterisks are favs that i can't be normal about.

character study

rookie of the year by medric / @bluegrasshole*

rozanov – not on hockey / vdud' (eng) by werevolche / gotthesunshinex *

mosquito by gone_girl

au (hockey, or not)

vessel by medric / @bluegrasshole*

clear to a hedgehog by @magneticwave*

for the right reasons by @citrusses*

house of mirrors by ratherunnecessary

win and bear it by anonymous (public plea to please...update)

hurts so good (angst/whump)

penalties by @citrusses*

show me how to be whole again by @rozanohwell*

send me back a thousand days by @rozanohwell*

if only a prayer by absolutelyhollanov*

dogging by @radialarch

everything else (yum yum )

running down the hills by hockeyfinches

ballad of a bisexual terminator by pressuretoparty

torture me (with all i’ve wanted) by toomuchplor

like for like by @smugrobotics*

love takes a mile by corsi

that'll leave a mark by subcorax

forget there's any other place by anonymous