"2 to the 1 to the 1 to the 3."

you know how some people do “rewrites” of their favorite tv shows/etc because they wanted to change stuff? harry potter rewrite that attempts to accurately reproduce how JK Rowling would’ve written the series today. each book is 2000 pages, mostly made up of tweets. women aren’t allowed to play quidditch because they’ll die of womb hysteria. snape has blue hair and pronouns (to show that even the nastiest people can do good in the end). hogwarts is racially segregated

i mean hogwarts already was racially segregated, slytherin only let purebloods in. its just fantasy races instead of real ones.

if JK Rowling wrote harry potter today, there would be a werewolf HIV metaphor, disabled people would be eugenicsed away with magic, hogwarts would be cleaned by slaves…… wait a second

ethnic minorities would have lazy stereotypical names like Seamus Finnigan and Cho Chang, there'd be a villain who's described as mannish woman in bad makeup who spies on children... wait hold on

goblins would control the banks….

Harry would be a wealthy landowner with a police job and a slave...

if you ask me, the guy who put the sword INTO the stone should be king, not the chucklefuck who got it out.

I assume the guy who put the "sword that makes you the king" into the stone, doesn't really want the position

i think the stone should be king since it held the sword the longest

Adhd will have you too burnt out to eat or shower but give you the hubris to decide you can homebrew an entire d&d system on the back of a receipt

#yeah hubris is what the h stands for

Listen dude, I knew we went on that magical adventure to nutritionland. We learned a lot from president cauliflower. But I'm gonna be real dude, I think nutritionland is an ethnostate.

no matter how bad things get at least im not the guy that pushed the crowdstrike update that bluescreened all windows computers and grounded every flight worldwide. what a week

guys wake up y2k happened

can't even joke rn bc this is abt to be the worst everrrrr like genuinely terrified abt how this is going to turn the tide here this is about to be like. really bad. that he survived. he is about to be so deified haha

being anticapitalist with a strong work ethic is so fucking embarrassing like my managers don't deserve this

I'm sorry the american education system is so bad they didn't teach me how to assassinate a president properly sorry