I talk a lot about saving screenshots, letters and recordings as proof someone loves you when your brain is being cruel and making you doubt it.
But something else I’ve found helpful is keeping track of the quiet ways people care about me.
The things that could easily go unnoticed if I wasn’t paying attention. Things that we can easily take for granted without meaning to.
Like how my husband loosens the caps on the water bottles in the fridge because he knows I struggle to open them. I never asked him to do it, which somehow makes it even sweeter. The way he constantly takes care of me and tries to make sure I’m okay. The way he takes time out of his work day to handle things like phone calls for me because of my anxiety.
Or how my friend showed up to help me organize when I was overwhelmed. She knew I’d feel guilty asking for help or saying yes to it, so she didn’t ask. She just showed up and said we were getting it done. Or the way she and her husband check on me when they know I’m having a hard time even when they’re dealing with their own stress.
Or how another friend got on a two hour long ferry (plus two hours of driving) to come fix our drywall because we needed it done to keep our house. Rearranged work, came over exhausted, then left right after because he was so busy. I never asked but he never hesitated when he knew the situation. This same friend checks on me when he knows I’m struggling and tries to make sure I’m okay.
Even my dog following me from room to room because she wants to be near me.
There are so many ways people say “I love you” without actually saying the words.
And sometimes those small patterns of care become proof I can hold onto when my brain tries to convince me I’m unloved.