y’know when you’ve done smth embarrassing and you just have to sit and hear white noise in your ear while ur brain is trying to process what you just did

a couple days ago a customer at work tried to get hand sanitizer but it shot across the counter and i said “oh no you’re squirting all over your pretty feet” without thinking

pussy so tight it crack dicks like crab legs

Being a homebody with your somebody is top tier activity

whenever i smell weed in public i get picked up off my feet and float towards the source like a cartoon character smellin a pie on a windowsill

Healthy relationships include uncomfortable conversations.

TIL that not only do deaf cats tend to purr & meow louder than hearing cats, they also enjoy shrieking loudly bc of the vibrations it causes

also they often have a favorite room to shriek in, such as a bathroom or kitchen with tile floors the sound can reverberate off of. that’s right, deaf kitties have their own Private Screaming Rooms

my former roommate’s cat is deaf, and i can absolutely confirm he screamed like a banshee. i love that old deaf bastard.

I love our deaf cat so much. One of her nick names is Air Raid.

She screams in the bedroom mostly by default i think, given she’s always there, but she seems to like screaming at the top of the back stairs. Though that could just be because you close the door on her, you monster.

How else is she going to learn to open doors?

do you ever lay in a position so uncomfortable you can actually feel it damaging your body but ur too lazy to move