Henchwoman

They're always in and out of the water – lake swims, pool swims, hot tub, showers – so doing his curl routine each time would be crazy when he could be spending that precious time sucking his boyfriend's dick.

Shane's not the biggest fan of how Ilya's styling products feel. He'll tolerate it, but Ilya can tell by his face that the texture isn't his favourite. Less product = more hair touching.

Shane's hands are always in his hair. When they're kissing. When they're watching a movie. When they fuck. When Ilya sits with his head in Shane's lap. When they're napping on the couch together. Shane's hands are usually full of a handful of Ilya's curls.

Shane seems to really like it. One time Shane said Ilya's fluffy hair made him look like a duckling and he's been chasing that high ever since.

"The America I loved still exists, if not in the White House or the Supreme Court or the Senate or the House of Representatives or the media. The America I love still exists at the front desks of our public libraries."

He makes an offhanded comment to Shane about it during dinner one night and Shane says something like "Oh I didn't even know it said that. You can submit a correction and edit it to delete that sentence if you care so much since you're so whiny and jealous" and Ilya is like "I'm not whining, I'm just making boring conversation about boring people on boring website." Then promptly excuses himself and whips his phone out to do the very thing that Shane has just inadvertently taught him.

And Ilya is getting more and more frustrated that it keeps getting edited back to say Shane dated Rose. He can never mention this to Shane because then Shane will know that Ilya is still jealous AND still checking Shane's Wikipedia page.

This goes on for weeks. Wikipedia eventually restricts Ilya. He makes a second account and the same thing happens. He eventually takes the L.

See, my point of view is that if we keep trying to separate out the "legitimately need to lie in bed," from the, "lying in bed because they're lazy," our first instinct is to work very hard to hone our ability to evaluate people. To get the right forms, get the right diagnoses. And that's a thing that doctors' offices should do, yes. (Lying in bed can get sooooo boring. It is hard for me to imagine doing it without a reason. Just saying.) But when it comes to spending money or appointment time or whatever on getting a roof over people's heads, is that really where we want to spend our resources?