CONFUSED BEAR

I have one brain cell and it represents love

i think if i asked peter thiel for 500 million dollars, and told him that my business plan was to spend 499 million of that on oil futures, and the remaining 1 million ordering the entire stock of pizza, burgers, fries, shakes, jamba juices, schitzels, fucking wetzels pretzels, the whole lot, within 50 miles of the pentagon, just to see if i could blow up the pentagon pizza index enough to move global oil markets 0.2% and recoup my losses... i think that if i asked him that, in those exact words, he would give me 1 billion dollars just to see if i could do it twice. and i would try. god forgive me i would try.

#“descendents of the evil oyster man” wins the 2026 prize for “most baffling DNI”

Betty❤️

I’m tired of pretending that I don’t like a plain cheese sandwich with mayo. Not my fault that people can’t appreciate the creamy nuances

I don’t have time to draw it right now but while driving home from the winco I saw a happy mustached man pedaling a bike, towing a cart built to look like a chariot, inside of which stood what I can only imagine was his completely expressionless 13 year old in a makeshift corinthian helmet

i think more final girls should be forty and kind of weird and off-putting

99% of queer discourse stops right before they define the true difference between bisexual and pansexual!