We're trying to have a civilization here.

14 years ago when I had recently moved to Alaska, I went hiking with an Aleut friend, and she pointed to a feather lying on the ground and said "hey that's a bald eagle tail feather, you should grab it!" and I was like "uhh I'm very white and that's very illegal" and she went "they're fuckin everywhere up here man. I have 20." so she grabs it off the ground and hands it to me and says "there, now it's a ceremonial gift from an indigenous person."

and I'm like, okay, cool, I guess this is how we do things in Alaska. nice.

so I keep this bald eagle tail feather around for years. display it in my home among other cherished memorabilia from places I've lived and visited, etc.

on a whim, I have just now looked it up. there is no exemption to that law for a ceremonial gift from an indigenous person. the last 7 years I lived in the US, I was technically a bald eagle poacher.

the law against 'picking feathers up off the ground' means that you can't go shoot an eagle then sell the feathers on etsy by saying you 'just found them'. you can't own them no matter where they came from, which makes sure that they're not going to come from any birds killed and then secretly disposed of.

we're looking to create an AI policy, and when we were talking about this, my boss (older millennial) was genuinely shocked to hear that younger people do not (seem) to view AI positively (a la the recent commencement speakers being booed)

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Nowadays you can play anything you want and never have to worry about getting kicked or rejected from dungeons, groups, what have you, but back then if you weren’t one of the favorites you really did struggle. 

Monks had it the worst in the beginning, it felt. They didn’t have great skillchain synergy with anyone and despite having really good DPS, their numbers “looked” low due to each individual punch counting as its own damage and when you add in being a Galka which, due to the bizarre kind of in-game racism that existed back then could actually get you kicked from parties because ew, a galka 

so, I spent a lot of time just.. lonely, lookin’ for party, soloing as best as I could given the circumstances. I had just had a huge falling out with some friends at the time, too, so it was just crushing for awhile.

I was just coming up to lv40, and I forget why but I was wandering around in this one area called King Ranperre’s Tomb that was mostly empty and unpopulated save for the undead monsters roaming around. I figured I might be able to get some EXP while I’m there but.. I was quickly overwhelmed. 

I called for help, but no one else seemed to be around. Just when it seemed I was gonna die and lose the meager EXP I had just struggled to earn a Lv75 Monk came running up and provoked the skeleton off of me. It was an elvaan lady, and she was decked out and then some. She destroyed this thing with ease and just, left me in total awe

I was just a dumb kid at the time but it was such an awesome sight I kinda just.. lingered around watching them destroy undead mob after undead mob like they were tissue paper

Finally after a bit I asked them

“Was it hard to get to 75?”

they said yeah, it was, but it’s worth it. Because now they get to help people like me easier, they get to help other Monks get stronger and it lets them see more of the world

I was just, awestruck. Every frustration I had, every sadness I had, just melted away and got replaced by my resolve to be like them. I want to get stronger so I could help people too 

They waved goodbye and said “Don’t give up! Just keep punching!”

so I did

I didn’t give up, I REFUSED to give up. Even when times were at their toughest I kept punching and punching and punching. Slowly but surely I made my way to 75 

I remember being sad that I never saw them again after that, never even seen ‘em come online but I always remembered them. I remembered to just keep punching and how I felt that day, why I wanted to get stronger

I devoted a LOT of my in-game time to helping others. I gave away gear to fledgling Monks along with advice and positivity. I cheered ‘em on and promised them it was worth toughing it out. I helped people through the stories, through the trials and tribulations. I wanted to give back to the world what they had given me that day.

Just keep punching.

Years later, I ended up becoming quite literally the most powerful Monk in the game and conquered enemies that no one else in the world could even come close to defeating

one day a friend of mine and I were talking about how rough it was to be a Monk in the old days so I told them my story

Turns out that my friend had known them, rather, knew someone who was related to them. Not long after I had met them they died in a car accident, and that’s why I had never seen them again. Back then, social media wasn’t what it is now, they weren’t a big community figure or anything and the internet was just, kind of a more wild west place where info didn’t always travel as well.

I think about that a lot. How one fleeting moment, one chance encounter, dramatically changed how I played the game and how I felt. This one small moment changed me for the better, and I’ll always be thankful to them for that.

I’ll always remember you, Calypso. I kept punching, just like you said to and I spread your positive message to anyone who would listen.

I only need the pants now anyway

Maybe it speaks poorly of me, of my priorities and beliefs, that it feel so important to me in such a turbulent and uncertain time in my life. I may as well be trying to impress the moon for all the good it does me when life is so crushing and difficult for everyone, not just I, or perhaps it makes me that much a better pierrot to serve an endearing cautionary tale

Or, maybe, it’s an expression to whom or what ever may notice that even small, transient bonds can endure and survive and that being there for someone is never forgotten, holding aloft the hope in my heart that gestures of remembrance and love can reach to the heavens and give the eternal night a little more peace in its sleep

It’s hard to deny FFXI, and for awhile FFXIV was escapism from an, and if I’m speaking frankly lol, enormously traumatic life and intense grief to a near comical level for like, a 15 year old to have though I don’t suppose there’s any age it’s any less as heavy as it is.

Hard not to reflect on it all as I get older, especially when life is how it is. I’d say I hate to sound cheesy but I’d be lying,

just keep punchin, it’s been working for me and if I can do it

They had us bag all the 24hr old donuts, 20 dozen or more, and dumpster them. Every day.

But, I grew up in a trailer. I knew the poor kids. So I'd box 12 dozen (I worked alone) and walk behind the shop and hand them out.

FLY is a story about a boy who gets a second chance. Help his story take flight June 9th 11am EST on Kickstarter. Thank you for being the wind beneath my wings I hope this story lifts the world to a brighter place.