run for those hills, babe

When everything is embarrassing, that’s a sign that your passion is waking up, and it wants more. Your desire is a tender sprout that wants more water, more sunshine. It wants you to give up on SEEMING happy and in control and to start FEELING joy instead, even when it feels a little too big, even when it makes you cry, even when it forces you to question where you are and why.

“A highly complex symbol which has been used since paleolithic times…[the spiral] variously represents both solar and lunar powers; the air; the waters; rolling thunder and lightning; it is also a vortex; the great creative force; emanation. As expanding and contracting it can depict the increase and decrease of the sun, or the waxing and waning of the moon, and, by analogy, growth and expansion and death and contraction, winding and unwinding, birth and death. It can portray the revolving heavens; the course of the sun; the cyclic seasons and the dynamic aspect of things…The spiral is symbolised by all that is helical: snail shells, seashells, the ear, animal horns, animals like the dog and cat which curl up, plants which grow in spiral form such as ivy, fir cones and the unfolding fronds of ferns…The spiral is also connected with the navel as the centre of power and life.“

“So much of desire, at that age, was a willful act. Trying so hard to slur the rough, disappointing edges of boys into the shape of someone we could love. We spoke of our desperate need for them with rote and familiar words, like we were reading lines from a play. Later I would see this: how impersonal and grasping our love was, pinging around the universe, hoping for a host to give form to our wishes.”

“You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit.”