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so i hauve covid rn and i must say, American cold medicine is the absolute bees knees. You go to a UK pharmacy and they tenderly press like eight (8) paracetamol into the palm of your hand... God FORBID you're sick in France, i had to scour every pharmacy in Paris for something that wasn't HOMEOPATHIC PASTILLES. meanwhile last night i took the last of my stash of Nyquil that expired in 2019 and it was like getting hit by a fucking baseball bat (affectionate). press X to timeskip. LOVE me a cheeky little medically induced coma. you can really feel that it's a precursor to meth. i know that everything is fucking awful over there my friedns and my heart goes out to every one of you but if you need one small bright light of national pride in this time of strife please know that i envy you your cold medicine every day
i once took an american antihistamine pill just a basic one for seasonal allergies and i had to immediately lay down and while doing so i vividly hallucinated that i was a steerage passenger on the titanic resigned to my death as my cabin filled up rapidly with water. then i blacked out and when i woke up again my allergies were gone for the entire season.
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I recently found out why my mom would never sleep around me when I was a kid. Like she’d never let herself take naps or sleep if I was awake, ever. Or if she did, she would lock her bedroom door.
So when I was 6, I was asleep in my bed in the middle of the night when I hear a loud bang, like a pot being dropped and come out to the living room to see my mom standing by the window, with just a huge pile of spaghetti all over the sill, and a pot on the ground, and I ’m like “Are you gonna eat all that?” And ya’ll she get’s BIG MAD and yells at me and chases me to my room but then a little while later a bunch of cops show up and ask me a bunch of random ass questions about my art? Like this one cop lady keeps asking me to draw dragons for her?! And they seem mad as hell
I didn’t want to get arrested so I just never asked my mom for spaghettis after that. Lesson, learned. Don’t ask mom for spaghettis or she’ll call the damn police on you.
So I have this memory in my head, and it goes unquestioned until I say it outload for the first time a few months back and as soon as I say the words “When I was six, my mom called the cops on me for asking for spaghettis” My adult logic slams into place and is like “Hang on. Your mother definatly did not call the police on a 6 year old for asking for spaghetti.”
So obviously that’s not what really went down. I call up my mom to tell her how I remember it and on top of her figuring out why her kid has always been really cagey around spaghettis for the last 3 decades she tells me what really happened.
So on that night, a man tried to break into our house through the front window. It was just my mom, and her kids so she did what she felt she had too and shot him in the head. He’d been wearing a helmet, which landed on the floor under the window.
Now I just want ya’ll to put yourselves in my moms shoes for a minute here. This woman has just taken a human life. The trauma of that- the instant agony, the panic, the guilt, the fear- all of it hitting her at once, her only solace the knowledge that her children are safe. She protected her daughters. No matter the cost to her soul- her children are safe.
Then she looks up and sees her six year old staring at the inside of this mans head before saying
“Are you gonna eat all that?”
Figuratively and literally, because let's assume there exists some kind of anomaly creature capable of sensing people's emotions, especially romantic feelings. ^^ Naturally, this little supernatural talent earned you the title of Cupid.
And of course, you were not about to let such a useful ability go to waste. If you're good at something, never do it for free.
So you made up your mind and started a service within Darkwick Campus: 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒇𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒅𝒗𝒊𝒄𝒆.
Lovebirds, students with crushes, hopeless romantics, people down catastrophically bad for someone, everyone was welcome. Rates varied depending on how desperate the client was.
Business was booming.
Then one day, while minding your own business and reviewing next week's bookings, you noticed some very, very, very familiar handwriting.
Now, you're a professional who follows procedures and protocols very strictly.
Some clients are shy, so one of your services is the 𝑨𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒚𝒎𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝑪𝒐𝒏𝒇𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝑩𝒐𝒙.
Students can either:
Submit concerns and receive personalized advice.
Pour their hearts out to their crushes anonymously.
Publicly embarrass themselves in writing while paying you for the privilege.
Honestly, reading some of these gives you a toothache.
Half the people writing in seem less interested in advice and more interested in finding excuses to show off how in love they are.
But business is business.
𝑨𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒚𝒎𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝑪𝒐𝒏𝒇𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝑩𝒐𝒙. 𝑨𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒚𝒎𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒄𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒔.
The funny thing is that most people don't know that no matter how sneaky or secretive they think they are, you can always tell exactly who wrote each letter ₍ᐢ._.ᐢ₎♡ ༘
Whenever you pick up a letter, you can see the lovely aura surrounding it.
Don't worry, though. Your clients' secrets are always safe with you. Teehee.
ft. [REDACTED FOR PRIVACY REASONS]
𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐀𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐂𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭
Ugh. This guy again.
Why does he keep threatening to shut down your business?
"Based on my research regarding your service, there appears to be no documented guarantee concerning privacy protection, data retention policies or procedural safeguards. Therefore, I would like to request a direct meeting in order to discuss the operational structure of your business in greater detail."
A second letter from the exact same person arrives shortly afterward.
"Is it strategically advisable to pursue a romantic interest who is simultaneously a business associate? Please provide a comprehensive list of advantages and disadvantages supported by empirical evidence, statistical analysis, and quantifiable data.
Advantages: They smiled at me today.
Disadvantages: The smile was not directed exclusively at me.
I am experiencing what I believe to be jealousy.
Is this reaction considered normal?"
𝑪𝒖𝒑𝒊𝒅:
Bro! Stop sending regulatory threats to my confession box.
I'm literally just running a small business.
Are you some kind of rival service?
Because that is extremely uncool.
That's unfair competition and I will sue you if you threaten me again.
I have a lawyer friend who charges 5,000 per hour, and trust me, he is not nice.
𝑪𝒖𝒑𝒊𝒅:
But I'm still a professional, so I'll answer your question.
It depends on the nature of your business relationship.
Personally, I would never date a coworker. That sounds like a Human Resources incident waiting to happen.
And yes, what you're experiencing is completely normal. Jealousy tends to happen when you like someone, especially when they are friendly with other people.
My advice is to spend more time with this person and observe how they view you.
Do they see you as a business associate? A friend? Or something more?
Currently, the available data set is insufficient for further analysis.
Please submit additional evidence.
𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐀𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐂𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭
Anonymous Name: Definitely Not Overthinking This
"This is stupid. Why am I even writing this?
Maybe you won't even read mine anyway. I heard you have a lot of clients.
Is it considered a good sign if they accept my invitations to watch movies and play co-op games together?
I see them hanging out with other people too, so maybe it doesn't actually mean anything."
The next letter arrives looking like it lost a fight against itself.
Crossed-out sentences. Half-finished thoughts. Words scribbled over each other. The paper is practically screaming.
You assume he was panicking when he shoved it into the box.
"I don't know how this works. I just...
And I thought maybe th
Wait, no.
That's stupid.
This is stupid.
Never mind.
Actually, can I request a refund?
Do you do refunds?"
𝑪𝒖𝒑𝒊𝒅:
Dude.
The important part is not whether they accepted. Anybody can accept an invitation.
What matters is whether they enjoy spending time with you.
Ask them out more often. The fact that they already accept your invitations is a positive sign.
Maybe make the next outing a little more romantic.
Pick a romance movie.
Watch their reactions.
Gather evidence.
Conduct research.
Become the scientist your feelings deserve.
𝑪𝒖𝒑𝒊𝒅:
Also, I do not provide refunds unless you actually follow my advice and fail.
Stop being a coward. Ask them out again. Come back with updates.
Then we'll discuss compensation.
𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐝 𝐀𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐂𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭
Anonymous Name: Third Wheel Victim Association
"Is there a way to stop them from constantly inviting one of our mutual friends whenever we hang out?
I keep trying to arrange plans with just the two of us, but somehow my friend always ends up coming along.
And he always manages to draw their attention away from me.
I love my friend, but this is becoming increasingly frustrating.
What if he manages to win them over before I can?"
𝑪𝒖𝒑𝒊𝒅:
Wow. Jealousy is such an ugly color.
Anyway.
I think you should talk to your friend.
Based on your letter, he sounds completely unaware of your feelings.
If he knew, he might actually help create opportunities for the two of you to spend time alone. Friends can be surprisingly supportive.
Now, regarding your crush...
Have you ever considered the possibility that they might actually like your friend?
Anonymous:
!!!!!! NO !!!!!
𝐅𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐀𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐂𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭
Anonymous Name: Brutally Honest Customer
"Despite operating a love advice service, you are remarkably dense and unintelligent when it comes to romance yourself."
𝑪𝒖𝒑𝒊𝒅:
EXCUSE ME?!
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO INSULT ME AND MY BUSINESS LIKE THAT?
IF PHYSICALLY BLOCKING CLIENTS WERE LEGAL, YOU WOULD ALREADY BE GONE.
Take your money back.
I refuse to be paid for emotional harassment. Go away.
𝐅𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐡 𝐀𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐂𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭
Anonymous Name: In Emotional Distress
"Never thought the day would come when I would need this service. No offense.
I'm just stuck.
They seem nice to me. Whenever I ask them to try my special dishes as an excuse to spend time together, they always agree.
But I think they only like my food, not me.
I wonder what they think of me.
If I'm being honest, they even seem closer to my best friend."
𝑪𝒖𝒑𝒊𝒅:
Hold on.
You can cook?
That's a massive advantage.
Do you realize how many people would willingly fall in love for homemade food alone?
Don't give up. Have some faith in yourself. Keep inviting them out.
The fastest route to someone's heart is through their stomach. That's science. Probably.
I'm cheering for you from the sidelines.
After answering every letter and dispensing your professional wisdom, you finally went to bed.
The next morning, you woke up to your phone vibrating nonstop.
Notifications. Messages. Date invitations. More date invitations. And even more date invitations.
From several very familiar ghouls.
Oops.
You completely forgot something.
Your ability allows you to see everyone else's love aura. It does not allow you to see your own. And people who share mutual feelings possess the same aura.
𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫
... Wait.
Did you just spend an entire afternoon teaching these idiots how to successfully court you?
Well. That certainly explains the sudden increase in customer satisfaction.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
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the bad thing about having unhealthy habits due to mental illness, is when you DO do something healthy style you can't brag about about it because then people will then know you've been doing it yucky style all along. Like you can't brag you changed your sheets or brushed your teeth because then ppl will be like oh did you not brush your teeth regularly before? Thats yucky disgusting! So you just gotta keep it to yourself. And be proud alone, I suppose.
forced caretaking as a trope i think is like cocaine to people who know they need to be taken care of but have mental blocks in the way like yeah please do gently force me into a state of vulnerability so my body learns it is a safe thing to feel around you
This has gotta be a hit with the girlies who have always wanted something terrible to happen to them just so people realize they're in more misery than their outward appearance lets on
A strange genie appears and has an offer for you. You’ll be cured of all, you’ll have a stable job you’re happy with, and you’ll basically just live the best life you can imagine. However, there’s a catch—you’ll have to relive one specific grade level from middle or high school (the genie is American).
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
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