Ctrl + Alt + FML

User: Hi, I requested a new printer to be installed at my cube and it got denied.

IT Support: Sorry about that sir but after looking at the request and your seat location, there is a printer around the corner from you.

User: The one like 50 feet away?

IT Support: Yes, that’s the one.

User: That’s an inconvenience.  I’ll be talking to my manager now about this.

IT support when they receive a “I think I got a virus” call

IT Support: Hi, thanks for calling.  How can I help?

User: So my laptop keeps powering off when I try to turn it on. Doesn’t stay on for more than 5 seconds.

IT Support: Well it sounds like the battery is drained. Do you have it plugged in?

User: Really? That’s your suggestion? 

IT Support: Judging by the description of the issue you told me, that’s one of the assessments I have.

User: Figured it out. It wasn’t plugged into the wall.

IT Support: Hello! How can I help you?

User: Let’s hope. I can’t log in.

IT Support: Log into what exactly? Are you stuck at the log in screen of your computer or stuck at one of our sites?

User: I don’t know. I usually just open the machine and it goes.

IT Support: What screen are you stuck on?

User: I knew this was going to be a difficult call.

User: Yes, I’m trying to log into your site and it’s not taking my password.

IT Support: Are you getting an error message?

User: No, it looks like it takes it. But then another window pops up and says that I have to update something called Java in order to continue. I don’t know what it is, so I just close out the windows and start over again.  I’ve even restarted.

IT Support: Well it looks like your Java is out of date and you need to update it in order to continue with the authentication process.

User: My computer is 2 months old and you’re saying it’s out of date? Totally absurd.

Thanks for the submission M!

IT Support received an email saying a user’s laptop screen just stopped working.  Don’t know what happened, just stopped working.  Well that’s because there’s glass everywhere.  

IT Support wishes that lying would just stop as well.

User: *walks to desk* I just made a support ticket and I need help.

IT Support: *pointing to phone headset, signaling on a call*

User: Well I think I have a virus. I'm getting pop ups everywhere and now some warning about the FBI monitoring and if I click on a link and pay, then the monitoring will stop. I didn't do that obviously, but this is probably a virus right? I was just checking my emails.

IT Support: *to headset* Can I put you on hold for a minute?  Thanks! *to user at desk* I'm currently on a phone call.  I'll be with you in 10 minutes.  If anything, I'll update the ticket when it's a better time to come by.

User: So I said all that for nothing? You should pay attention to your surroundings more often rather than ignore people.

User: Yeah, I broke my laptop screen.  I accidentally closed the laptop with a pen on the keyboard.

IT Support: Okay, I can swap out hard drives with the same type of laptop.  Should take about 15 minutes to complete.

User: Can't you just give me a newer laptop?  This one's like a year old.

IT Support: Sorry ma'am, but you aren't due for an upgrade till next year.

User: So I'm going to get the same crappy laptop even though I broke my screen?

IT Support: Yes.

User: *sigh* ugh.

User: Hi, I can't connect to the VPN.  I was on yesterday and now it's not working.

IT Support: Odd.  Well I'm looking at your account on the server and everything is in good standing.  Can you go to www.google.com?

User: Yes, I can!  Hold on.  I'm not even on my home wifi.

IT Support: So what you'll have to do is - 

User: I'll call you back.

User: I need to get my network drive password reset, I forgot it.

IT Support: Well sir, it's just the same password you would use to log into your email or your machine for example.

User: What don't you understand about "I forgot it"?

IT Support: Were you able to log into Outlook or your machine?

User: Yeah!  But that has nothing to do with my network drive password.

Whenever you ask us a question while we're on lunch...

User: I can't connect to the wifi.

IT Support: I just re-enabled your account.  Your account was disabled oddly. Please try again in 30 minutes and it should connect successfully.

User: Yeah, I still can't connect.

IT Support: Please try again in 30 minutes.

User: Oh, I have to wait 30 minutes.  Thanks!

Once a while, your IT Support Group can get stuff right.  Just say thanks!

User: "I can't connect to the internet.  I've tried a hard wired connection, and wifi.  It just won't connect"

IT Support: "Odd.  And you've rebooted your machine already?"

User: "I've actually forgot to do that.  Let me do that real quick."

*reboots machine*

User: "Whoa.  It's back on now.  Sorry for wasting your time, I was just being an idiot I guess.  Thanks for the idea though!"

IT Support: "You're more than welcome.  Have a good one!"

Your IT support group finished it's first week of the new year, the first week after all of the holidays.  Just remember, 51 more weeks left...

Another submission, shout out to you smart IT people! To everyone else: Please read instructions prior to using your computer, turning on a device, or when you have a simple request.  Reading can fix a lot of your problems.

User: "I performed the update to my laptop and now the screen isn't working properly."

IT Support: "Odd, might be the video card.  Let me take a look" *turn on laptop, looking at screen* "So it looks like there's a crack on the screen, which is why the screen is not working properly."

User: "How does an update break my screen?"