Into the unknown

Does anyone else feel like getting the union jack out of the cupboard and crying myself to sleep with a bottle in my hand?

It's 3:47am and the demons are clawing at the inside of my skull.

*speaks only in half sentences and leaves the rest to telepathy*

i go to bed. i am consumed by overwhelming loneliness. i stare at the ceiling. i long for something i can’t name. i question if i’m real. i see a funny little meme on my phone and laugh hysterically for several minutes. i get too invested in an unrealistic fantasy. i pass out around three.

SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE BACK

Fuck. Yes.

You hate yourself so loudly. You hate yourself at the top of your lungs. Your loathing for yourself permeates your speech. “Sorry I’m just rambling.” “Don’t worry about it.” “Just ignore me.” “Sorry if I’m annoying you.” “Sorry I don’t make sense.” “Sorry about that.” Sorry, sorry, sorry. You act as if you have to beat everyone else to the punch. As if the punching bag is you. If you hate yourself first, if you hate yourself loudest, then nobody will hurt you. You clapped your hands over your ears and shut your eyes and balled yourself up so that you’d never have to experience people’s loathing for you. And it meant you never heard their love. You drowned it out. You screamed your hatred over it. And you never got to hear it. 

BREAKING NEWS: i have a soft heart and i cry a lot, be gentle with me 

And then not sleep and let it fuck me up some more

sometimes making tea is less about drinking it and more ab it keeping you company