KillmongerLives

To be in love is an understatement. There’s not another greater feeling than being in love with your bestfriend. Someone who not only has been there to see you grow but to be there assisting in every way possible. He doesn’t seem to know what it looks like to have a love like no other but he hasn’t shown me anything other than that. To want my best interest as much as his own, to understand that we have to work together on ourselves with each other in mind, to know that the simple things matter the most with no monetary value is beyond extraordinary. I pushed this away for the longest and he has been nothing short of ideal in all possible ways. A smile, a laugh, a chuckle (at bare minimum) brings the greatest pleasure to what we have over all others. Needless to say the amount of handsome he is exceeds this worlds limits. Grateful, prideful, lucky.....all words that don’t even add up to the way I feel to have him in my life and as my significant other. 

I TOO..... often find time to ONLY THINK of how we all say we are our own person and we make our own rules and we don’t listen to anyone but ourselves and God and yet we understand the man made concept of right or wrong. I’m not saying we should just do anything and negate the notion of what is considered to be right or wrong because of course then we’d be either in really big trouble or worse because everything is pretty much set in stone and won’t change. But my thing is, is that, its fairly incisive and enticing to try to put together a visual world in your head where certain things just weren’t categorized or stipulated to be “BAD” and/or “GOOD”. It also goes with everything else in the world, we say choose to believe what we see but there are so many things the average person doesn’t see but takes the word of strangers who they have never and will never meet. So is that alone right or wrong, or is choosing to disbelieve right or wrong......This can become a very extensive conversation but......

It bothers me how some parents can allow their kids to grow up so fast and not stop them in their tracks. The bigger picture can always be seen before the small picture even becomes visible. Becoming a mother has opened my eyes in so many ways when it comes to raising a younger being with all the excitement of being intrigued by what you see in the world whether its through personal experiences or television. Witnessing small situations that may seem too premature to take heed to are the ones you are supposed to stress the importance of the positive routes there are to take when talking to your children and many parents take advantage of saying “oh they are too young to even know whats going on” and act as if that is an excuse or a suppressing mechanism when in perspective of morals those are the times you should be putting your “foot” down to express the do’s and don’ts whether you think a 4 year old or even a 12 year old will comprehend. It’s an advantage to having children at an age when you can still process what you see and know how many routes it can take than being older and seeing one perspective and pushing that on your children. Don’t get me wrong with age comes wisdom SOMETIMES but even older people are sometimes more than other times naive to the multiple outcomes of one simple instance or experience. Children are wiser than older people because they have the ability to manifest good versus bad still and aren’t “set in their ways” or have even developed a sense of what they consider is right for them or whats wrong for them because the parent is still in the position to mold that mindset for them. With that being said it is up to the parent to hold themselves responsible for demonstrating good behavior to see it reciprocate through their offspring....if you can’t do that then I don’t know what to say. The way many of us my age and older were brought up through an era where NOTHING was okay or swept under the rug and if it was it was only until you got home and then your parent would set you straight about what you have done. Parents these days don’t seem to do that anymore and its really embarrassing because knowing you were brought up that way and you leave it up to your parents to deal with what your child has done rather than becoming your parents back then and teaching your children you think it works it doesn’t. Your parents are no longer the teachers just like our grandparents weren’t. they were the escape goat when we got into trouble. We knew our grandparents would make it better but still understood there are things are parents aren’t going to tolerate and we knew better. Kids now a days don’t have that same privilege because their parents are running around here like its okay to do certain things because your young, negating the fact that there are lessons to be learned even when you are young that will follow you when you get older. The best saying from my days growing up that will relate is “You may not understand now but you will later on in life” which sometimes especially if you’re getting disciplined it “It hurts me more than it hurts you”. But the point of that isn’t to sweep it under the rug, its to say hey i did it before so i know the deal but what you aren’t going to do it “blah blah blah”. We literally got told that all the time and most who have are a little if not well off with understanding rights and wrongs today....and those are the things you should be saying to your children today too.  

Please take me to places, that nobody, nobody knows You got me hooked up on the feeling You got me hanging from the ceiling Got me up so high I'm barely breathing So don't let me, don't let me, don’t let me, don't let me go

So, whats personal isn’t personal unless you you keep it personal. When i say personal, I don’t mean its “your” business....personal meaning....it’s “no-ones” business, not even your business....WHY??? Because the moment it becomes a possession (or “YOUR” business) it becomes open to theft (where people can “tell YOUR business”). Individuals love what’s not theirs, which is why gossip is a thing of the century. You want to keep your business your own you want it to be “Personal”....dont allow it to become “Personal” to begin with. 

I guess you’re feeling mature for your age, I guess you’re feeling he won’t measure up to what you want or think you need. I’m asking for more but am I ready for the commitment? “Shant’e you’re not ready for this” “Yes I am”. Weed out the pros versus the cons, are you asking for too much or aren’t you willing to put in the time it takes to allow someone to measure up. There’s a down pour when it rains. Like hits and misses there’s a slow period and a heavy flow, knowing when to run to shelter or wait for it to slow down. So you gonna speed up your process instead? 

Will Smith/The Fresh Prince

a mind is a wonderful and terrible place to encounter. its the blessing in disguise and sometimes its the curse you cant rid of. its so much that happens in a mind where you begin to feel as if you are seeing the future or just imagining the only imaginable. wondering becomes an understatement and blank becomes null and void. its like looking at a painting with every color on the color wheel on it with no beginning or end and no subject or main focus. Then when you feel like youve accomplished something because you can finally pin point a significant idea or subject you realize that there are so many factors that play into that one thing and then all of a sudden your back at square one. What happens when your mind is so full and everything that you are thinking becomes blank like if you were to be thinking hdsjcahicniadhnciudshfliassfhn. EXACTLY!!! A real accomplishment are real unachievable and they begin in the mind, what an oxymoron, thats just the way the mind plays. therapeutic they say to rub the temples and it works momentarily but like an avalanche the bottling and agonizing truth of the mind at work comes rushing back one you remove your fingers. HOW DO YOU DEAL?

Its so damn hard to recognize reality when you thought reality was a nightmare because your dream stayed a dream. Then when you move two steps forward in the right direction the wrong direction breaks you down to being forced to move 5 steps backwards. Its so much you want that are presented to you but the reach gets further and further each day that goes by. And many times its not by your own hands like they say it is, when you take a moment to think its by the hands of someone else that coincide with what your decisions created even though what you decided was pure and rich in care and repay. oxymoron huh. 

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